


NEVER ON THE DAY YOU LEAVE.

by SevadeValois



Series: THE SEARCH FOR EVERYTHING. [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, DEO - Freeform, F/F, Flashback, Fluff, Funerals, Happy Ending, Kara has her powers, Kara is back and do her best to back Home with Lena, Krypto - Freeform, Lena is a mess too sad to move on because she lost the only person who loved her, New York City, One Shot, Soulmates, SuperCorp, Wedding, barry and lena are best friend, flashback from their married life, l-corp, maggie and lena are best friend, one song for one one shot from John' Mayer's album The Search for Everything, proposal, read with the song, she wants to honour her promise, soul mates, superfriends - Freeform, they have a dog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-30 10:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 78,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10875168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevadeValois/pseuds/SevadeValois
Summary: Lena and Kara are a happy married couple until Lex's return. He escaped his jail and he decided to destroy National City to take his revenge against aliens. He planned everything and things turned bad for Supergirl. Lex did not let her the choice, she has to make a sacrifice to save her love ones. She is the sacrifice. The last fight against Lex and his sbires took an unfortunate turn and Kara die because of bullets made of Kryptonite.One year later, Kara wokes up in her grave, her powers almost back. All she wants to do is to find Lena.Lena moved to another city, with their dog Krypto, because National City reminds her of Kara too much. She doesn't live anymore, she just survived, trying to honor the promise they made with Kara, to protect the aliens. And one night, past midnight, Kara knocks at Lena's door. Messy rainy hair because she did not recover her ability to fly yet. And they look in each other eyes. And Lena knows that this is not a joke, Kara is back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to write some one shots inspired by John Mayer's new album "The Search for Everything". Each song is a story. The first one is a multi-chapters one, the rest of the song are just one shots. There is no particular order.  
> English is not my first language.  
> Fell free to leave kudos and comments, :).  
> This is the first story with the first song : "Never on the day you leave." : 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1d5c1fVxSA

 

**_Kara Zor-El Danvers-Luthor / Supergirl_ **

**_She made the stars shine brighter and the Earth a better place._ **

* * *

 

It’s been a year now. A year that Kara is dead and Supergirl with her. A year that National City lost it sheroes. All the town and it citizens remembered this week. They all remember her sacrifice to protect them. Their remembered how quiet the town was for weeks. How people share sad smiles, how they deal with it. When Lex’s escaped from jail to take his revenge and wanted to kill Kara, the last daughter of Krypton. An alien. His plan was horrible. He placed bombs all around the city. In the mall. Banks. Schools. Streets. CatCo. Hospitals. Alex and Maggies’s house. The town hall. L-Corp building in Lena’s desk. And, in Lena’s and Kara penthouse. He told Supergirl to meet him on the highest place of National City.

 

“Supergirl !”

“What do you want ?”

“Make a deal. No. Not a deal. You, I want you on your kneels in front of me. You, work for me.”

“No way.”

“I don’t think that you can negotiate.”

“Or what ?”

“Or I explode the city. My beautiful little sister, you beloved wife, with it. With everything and everyone you love.”

“You can’t do that.” she said not losing her control.

“Really ? I am a Luthor I can do anything I want. Lena didn’t learnt you that ? Learn you that a Luthor can do anything a Luthor wants.”

“She’s not like you.”

 

Then he pushed a little button behind his phone and the house behind them explode in millions of pieces.

 

“See…I placed this kind of bombs all around the town. Bigger bombs. More devastating. More deadly. Way more deadly.”

“What’ve you done Lex ?”

“I want to take my revenge.”

“For what ?”

“For justice.”

“I think that our justice did a great job to send you in jail for the rest of your life.”

 

Then he pushed another button and an explosion not so far away from them illuminated the night of the sky. It was the paper factory of National City.

 

“I am not joking Kara Zor-El. If you don’t do what I want everything you care will be dead. Everything and everyone just like your cousin did to me. First hospitals, then the city center. The malls. L-Corp building. Schools. The bars and restaurants area. Your mom’s house. Your sister and her girlfriend’s place. And the best for the end, yours. And Lena.”

 

He marked a break.

 

“All this in less than a night. Everyone you love. Dead. Is that what you want ?”

“How dare you ?”

“You have until tomorrow night to take your decision. 7pm. Here. Don’t be late.”

He entered his helicopter and disappeared away.

Of course she did not kneeling in front of Lex. She fought until the end. Alex, Maggies, J’onn by her side. Lex’s sbires were dangerous and without mercy. A lot of D.E.O man die this days. Even Barry came from his Earth1 to help his friends. Lex planned everything. And he was not joking. One of the National City’s hospitals exploded, and many people die. Then, the mall where the alert was at it maximum. And people die too. She fought, and fought and fought, saving as many people as it was possible to save. Until he made exploded CatCo building. Supergirl and her team was not ready for that. Because he lied. The order of the explosions was a lie. So the first thing she thought was her Mom’s place, Maggie and Alex’s one and hers with Lena. All hopes were gone because Lex was ruthless. So she did the only thing she has to do. She send a message to Lex to stop this massacre as a surrender and ask him to give her the night and she will do what he wants. He nodded saying that if she fooled him Lena die.

She flew at home where Lena was asleep on their bed, lights on, tired as ever. With their dog, Krypto, supervising and protecting Lena sit at her feet. She tried to stay awake until Kara back home. But she fell asleep before. One night. One night was all she has left. She looked at her wife and smiled sadly. She took of her suit and stretched on her side of the bed and wrapped her arms around Lena and kissed the back of her neck. “Where were you ?” she whispered tired. Kara did not answer and she kissed Lena one more time before she fell asleep again. She left before the dawn. Leaving a note on her pillow. She looked one last time at Lena and said to Krypto “Take care of her. I trust you Bud” and flew.

She went to Alex and Maggie’s place and watched her sister and her girlfriend asleep on their couch, still dressed. She smiled. The past few days were hard for everyone in the town. They probably came home exhausted and fell asleep like that. Alex’s head on Maggie’s chest. She smiled again and flew to her mother workplace. She watched her foster home and flew away again. She was saying goodbye. Saying goodbye in her way. It was still dark when she landed where Lex was. He was waiting alone. But she knew that he wasn’t.

“You’re here.”

“I am warning you, if you don’t…”

“If I don’t what ? We made a pact. You belong to me now. And I have to say…” He was close and put a hand in Kara’s hair. “And I have to say that you’re the most beautiful weapon I’ve ever had.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Whaaaat ?”, he laughed. “Are you not happy, you saved National City, once again. You saved your people. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Fuck you.”

 

Ten men came out from a truck and threw themselves on her. And the fight began. She fought like no one again this ten guys armed to the neck with kryptonite. Lew was laughing quietly watching the scene.

“Guys, come on, don’t hurt my precious little weapon too much. I want her still alive to watch her people die.”

 

He laughed again. She began to be weak. And Lex raised his hand and the man hold her in front of him. “Wanna see something ?” She spited at his feed on her kneels.

 

“That’s not very polite. Even from an alien.” he said, putting his tablet before Kara’s eye. And she saw Lena, asleep, in their bed. She seemed so peaceful.

“Don’t hurt her !”

“Or what?”, he said putting a Kryptonite stone on her temple. She screamed in pain.

“I am kind of glad to keep you alive to see the last night of National City.”

She couldn’t stand this. She gathered the last strengths she has and started to fight again to Lex’s surprise. With her X-ray vision she exploded his phone right in his hand, he screamed, his hand almost on fire. She knew the city was safe now. But the superiority of the number and all this kryptonite around her just made her weaker. She fought until the end. One man on the floor, two man on the floor and three man on the floor and she was on her kneels when she hit the last. Too weak. She did her best. She fought until the end.

 

“We made a pact Supergirl. Their life against your collaboration. You did not took the note.”

“I don’t make promises. I do not make pact with bastards like you.” She said weakly.

“Very rude, alien.”

 

He said in the most cold voice. And he took a weapon at his belt and shouted her. He shouted seven times with Kryptonite bullets. And she was on her kneels. Again. She was on her kneels for good. He pushed her shoulder with his feet and she fell. For good. She saw some bribes of her life. Krypton red sunset. Her mother’s eyes. Eliza’s face. Alex’s laugh. Kal-El’s perfect hair. And Lena. She saw Lena’s smile. The “S” on her chest shined with sad shades of green and she closed her eyes. She die alone. In a cold night. But she saved her town and her love ones.

 

_**No it's never on the day you leave** _

_**That you wonder what you still believe in** _

_**And you can't remember why you said goodbye.** _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A view of Lena's New York City life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for all this hits and the feedback ! :). 
> 
> I will try to update when I can. 
> 
> One again, English isn't my first language. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> Thanks again guys.

**_You’ll hear an old familiar sound_ **

**_and hope it’s her when you turn around,_ **

**_But never, never on the day you leave._ **

 

_She is sitting on her bed, she seems peaceful. But she is a ball of nerves. She looks at her watch, an old gold Vacheron Constantin. She did not really sleep, too happy, too excited. And the big needle finally passed on the number she was watching. She closes her eyes and let herself dropping on her back. Today is the Day. Today she is marrying Kara. Today she will put the Danvers to the Luthor to her signature. Then someone knocks on her door yelling as fuck in excitement._

 

_\- LUTHOR ! OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR ! I HAVE TWO FUCKING BOTTLES OF MOET FUCKING CHAMPAGNE THAT I JUST STOLE AT THE BAR ! OPEN THE DOOR ! I THINK SOMEONE SAW ME I CAN’T GO IN JAIL I AM THE POLICE ! LENAAA OPEN THE DOOR !_

_Lena opens the door, just showing her forehead and her eyes, Maggie could not see her smile but obviously guess it. She saw Maggie with the best smirk she ever done and Lena fully opens the door yelling at her friend, they jumps like they were 5 years old again. They’re both in pj’s in this 5 stars hotel corridor and they don’t really care. They jump in each other arms._

_"I can't believe you're getting married today with Baby Little Danvers." Maggie says holding Lena firmly in her arms._

_"I knooow !"_

 

_And an old man opens a door._

 

_\- Ladies. This is not a school yard could you be quiet, where are your manners ?, he says shocked._

_\- I don’t fucking care about manners, I am getting marry today Monsieur, says Lena closing the door behind her and Maggie._

* * *

 

Lena is crying at the souvenir. She looks at the photos of her wedding with Kara. There are so many pics. So many details, so many little things who seem to don’t matter but oh they mattered, they really mattered. There is this serie of selfies she did with Maggie in her hotel room at 8am drinking champagne with croissants. Then selfies with kisses on cheeks because Maggie became her closest friend. Lena never smiled like that before. Then there are this pics where Maggie and Lena went offered some champagne to the old man who yelled at them when he discovered that they were just doing a “Ring and Run” in the hotel corridor, waking up almost everyone. Lena never been so happy this day. Then the hairdresser pics where Lena tried so hard to not move but Maggie did stupid things that Lena couldn’t laughed at. The legendary Lena pic with the “V” for victory and the bright smile and tongue out. The “almost top model” one where she is in oversize pj’s wearing her wedding make up and haircut. She turns the page and see the Kara’s ones with her sister and her mother. Lena smiles in tears. Alex trying to help her to get dress, Eliza who couldn’t stop crying on the sofa. Kara yelling at her sister that she get fat and couldn’t wear her dress. Alex rolling her eyes sighing at Kara who said “Remember that time where I ate the last potsticker and you told me “I hope you get fat.” Then this day arrived Alex and it’s all your fault ! I am fat !”. Kara told her this story of this pic. She smiles wiping her red eyes and Krypto put his head on her lap.

“She misses you too…I know...”, she said petting the dog until she finally falls asleep holding this album against her chest with the hand she has left.

* * *

 

_The music starts. It’s a nice melody that Winn is playing on the piano. Kara is holding J’onn’s arm, her beloved space dad from a different planet from another galaxy, but what are blood connexions anyways ? Kara does not care. Lena is walking with Maggie._

_\- I swear Luthor if you walk on my shoes you’ll manage this on your own._

_\- Just please shut up and smile._

 

_And then they saw each other and Lena could not stop herself to hold Maggie’s arm harder. Kara stopped walking for a second and J’onn had a little and warm laugh and said “Come on Little One, let’s get you marry and you will see her closer than here.” Lena gasped because of the nerve when she approached Kara._

 

_"Oh my…Luthor…you’re so fucking gay."_

_"Shut up. Again. You piece of gay gay."_

 

_Maggie laughed and kissed Lena cheek and take her sit next to Alex so as J’onn next to Eliza. White dresses, bright sun, smiling faces, the ocean, warm piano tunes, their love ones, Krypto sitting like a boss between his two soon to be married moms with a nice bow knot that James, Clark and Winn bought to him for the occasion. The guys made a high five in a bro’ way all smiling. Because this idea was a good one. Today was the Day. They were next to each other and without even looking they hold their hand._

 

_"You’re so beautiful", said Lena kissing Kara’s mouth in tears._

_"You’re so…beautiful..you, you're beautiful", answered Kara wiping one of her tears._

 

_After a little silence where everyone watched them in this dresses Alex said :_

 

_"They’re so gay. It’s so gay. This day is gonna be so gay."_

_"So gay Danvers, but we’re more gay than them", she said holding Alex’s hand._

_"I’ve never had a doubt." said Maggie kissing Alex's hand._

 

_Kara and Lena laughed at this remarks and finally turn to the mayor and to Clark. Clark translated everything in Kryptonian to follow the Krypton’s traditions of was the mayor said. And he speaks about Kryptonian traditions. It was important to Kara. She has no one left from her planet except Clark and when he started to tell this traditional things and ritual Kara felt like her parents and her space family was there too. It warmed her heart. So much. They pronounced their vows. And everyone cried again. Lena learnt Kryptonian for the ceremony to surprise Kara, thanks to Clark. Kara cried so much when she heard her speaking her mother tongue. Saying all this beautiful things and promises in Kryptonian. At the wedding rings exchange, both of them were trembling so much, so much that Lena has dropped Kara’s ring in the sand and Winn picked it up for her. She kissed him thank you on the cheek. And Kara could not find a way to put the ring to Lena’s finger. They laughed. They cried. When they finally kissed it was like time stopped and everything around them did not existed anymore. And they wrapped each other in each other arms and kissed again and again. Everyone applauded calling out nice things and some “Hip hip hip Houra” to the young brides. Even Krypto barked happily._

* * *

 

And then she wakes up. Sweaty. Crying. Trembling. In the darkness of her room and the cold of her bed, she dreamt it again. Their wedding day. Krypto, worried, rubbed his head against Lena’s cheek and moaning sadly. She could have sworn that she was happy again and that it was real. She could feels Kara’s presence. Then she heard a sound outside and she turns around to look at the balcony.

 

"Kara ?", she asks half awake.

 

But she’s been fooled again. It was the rain and she remembers. She remembers and now she is crying in silence : Kara is not here anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You felt the weight of the world  
> Fall off your shoulders  
> And to your favorite song  
> We sang along to the start of forever.” - Paramore, "Still Into You."
> 
> The one where Lena had the perfect gift for Kara's Earth Birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A link to the Paramore's song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OblL026SvD4 
> 
> Because I like to think that Kara is into Pop Punk and alternative music and never miss a Vans Warped Tour date at National City. And that Lena is a metalhead but still like Kara's tastes. 
> 
> Here's the link to the John Mayer's one : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1d5c1fVxSA
> 
> Also, thanks everyone for the hits and the nice and comments, they always make me smile, :). Please carry on ! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too :). 
> 
> English is not my first language. 
> 
> Don't worry Kara will be back soon ! ;) .

**_Love grows in the time it’s been,_ **

**_Since you last heard her sing._ **

* * *

 

_It’s dark in the room and silent. It’s warm still. There are some very little and tinny sun rays spread on the bed. It’s so dark and so silence. It’s Sunday morning. Kara was asleep in their bed wrapped in the blanket like she was a spring roll, like the blanket was her own skin. And a door slowly been opened. Lena smiled at her, all she can see was Kara’s hair on the pillow and her nose just outside the blanket fortress. She heard her breath, a nice rhythm, and she knew that Kara was deeply asleep. It was a rough night, flying across the city, hunting bad people and try to come home soon to spend time with Lena. And because it was the new “Games of Throne” season. Lena laugh discreetly as she approach the bed with something on her chest. “_ Cersei makes me think about your Mom _.”, said Kara last night. She laughed at the sentence. She put one knee on the bed, Kara did not move._

 

_“Babe ?”, she whispered softly._

 

_No answer._

 

_“Kara…, Kara wake up.”_

_“Mhhh..” she answered putting the blanket on her head when Lena turned on the light on her side. “ ‘am tired. Just kiss me, hold me and go back to sleep Na’…I am so tired. And it’s Sunday even a Luthor can sleep a little more on Sundays. Don’t be a boss ass bitch on Sundays babe.”_

 

_Lena smiled. She leaned next to Kara who just put her head in her neck._

 

_“You smell so good.”, she said in Lena’s neck._

_“So….so so good. I am gonna move in your neck. Yeah, right at this spot. Babe I am serious. I mean it. I wanna live here forever.”_

_“How are you gonna get potstickers if you’re gonna live in my neck ?”_

 

_She laughed quietly and turn herself to kiss Kara, eyes close. She definitely did now saw the thing that Lena just put on the bed._

 

_“Happy Earth Birthday” she said softly._

_“Thank you” she said returning to her favorite spot on Lena aka Luthor’s neck._

_“I have something for you Hon’.”_

_“What is it ?” said Kara definitely not wanting to move from Lena._

 

_Then the little thing barked weakly._

 

_“Love ? Is this the something you’re talking about ?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“Is the something you’re talking about is a dog ?”_

_“…I am not sure….maybe…”, said Lena shrugging the shoulders._

 

_Kara opened her eyes and sit on the bed to find a little puppy almost asleep on their bed._

 

_“Oh my…baaaaaaabe it’s a Shiba !”_

_“I know…” she said looking at Kara with all the love she has._

_“Eeeeeeh eh ! Hello little bud’. Hello little Buddy !”_

 

_She was not asleep anymore. At all._

 

_“You’re so so so cuuuute. I am your Mama now ! ”_

 

_Kara turned to Lena with the puppy in her arms and smile brightly._

 

_“How will you call him ?” Kara looked around her, thinking._

 

_And she saw the magazine about space with herself…herself as Supergirl on the cover._

 

_“Krypto. I am gonna call him Krypto. Like home.”_

 

_Lena smiled quietly. She knew that Kara missed her planet. Then Kara petted quietly the puppy who fell asleep in her arms. Kara was at the edge of tears._

 

_“Eh…Kara what’s wrong ?”_

 

_Kara turned to face Lena. Tears falling on her cheeks._

 

_“Lena. Lena do you know what you just did ?”_

_“What ? What did I do ? You spoke about wanting to have a dog I th…”_

_“Lena…no..”_

_“Then what is it ?” she said worried._

_“I am so afraid to lose you. You can’t imagine how much I am afraid to see you leave me, break up with me. I am always afraid to come home at night and see empty closets with a note on the kitchen’s table saying that you’re sorry. I am so afraid to loose you since the day we met. And you just come waking me up wishing me a happy earth birthday with a dog and I am so happy. So happy because it means so much things. We have to rai…it’s idiot I know….but we have to raise something together. And it’s like a pact, I see that as a pact of you and me staying together. Because we have this little fluffy thing in common now. And you can’t imagine how it feels so warm right now because it’s like we’re a family, like we’re having a family. And I saw my house, my Home, I saw Krypton literally explodes with my eyes and I lost everything in a second. And now it’s like…I just have a part of my home back…the warm feeling of being happy. You give me this like…a pact, a..oh Rao…it says incounsouly that you love me. For real. And that you don’t care to date an alien.”_

 

_Now Lena is crying._

 

_“It’s like I am making a family on my own. It’s like I can I have you much longer. It’s like a quiet promise you just made.”_

_“Kara…”_

_“You can’t imagine how afraid I am to losing you. You’re my Home now, my Human Planet, you’re my Krypton and I can’t lose my Home again.”_

 

_Lena let the tears fell on her cheeks._

 

_“You can’t be afraid of losing me because I am afraid to losing you.”_

_“What…? Come on…you’re beautiful, you’re rich, you can have anyone you want, you’re perfect..”_

_“I’ve been alone all my life. And when I met you, it was too beautiful to be true. I cherish every days we spent together because I am too afraid to lose you, because of a break up, a accident while you do Super things, or you who don’t love me anymore. You can’t imagine how much it terrifying me, you not loving me anymore. I can’t do anything without you. I fell asleep and woke up alone all my life, cold sheets, cold room…and one day I saw your face at morning, your head deep in the pillow and your hair spear on it like it was the sun’s rays and I knew that I was fucked. I knew that I could not handle to wake up without you. And you love me for me, not for my money, you’re the one by the way, but just for me, and you don’t give a fuck about the “Luthor” thing…..how can I leave you, or don’t love you or break up with you when…when..” She can’t speak…she made a break and says after breathing deeply, her voice still broken. “And of course, I don’t care that you’re an alien…I mean…you’re better than an actual human being. Aliens are better than humans being. Most of Humans are means and…I hate them. We have our ups and downs but…we always fix them and that why we work, we fix when it’s broken.. ”_

_Kara smiles and say “It’s because you’re the best engineer.” laying on Lena’s chest with Krypto’s head under her chin._

 

_Lena wraps them in her arms an rest her nose on Kara’s temple._

 

_“Thank you Na’…it’s the best Earth Birthday I’ve ever had”, whispering Kara._

_“I am happy you’re happy.”_

 

_Krypton moves to have a more confortable position on Kara and to have more cuddles from his new mommies, Kara just was putting the big blanket on them and all three fell asleep again._

_***_

_"So…where are we going ?"_

_"You can choose and I’ll dri.…"_

_"Potstickers."_

 

_Lena smiles._

 

_"Potstickers and then donuts and milkshake and Pet Store to spoil Krypto and potstickers again with pizza."_

_"Kara are y…"_

_"It’s my day, you told it yourself."_

 

_Lena laugh because she could not argue with a starving Kryptonian and starts her car. At a stop they kiss and the cars behind them honking because it was green now. Lena presses the accelerator still kissing Kara and to the potstickers way. Kara turn on the radio and “Still Into You” of Paramore plays in the speakers._

 

_"Oh babe ! BABE ! Turn up the sound it love this song ! COME OOOON TURN UP THE SOUND !"_

 

_Lena laughs and Kara starts to sing saying : “MORE LOUDER NA’ ! IT’S OUR SONG”._

 

**“Can’t count the years on one hand**

**That we’ve been together**

**I need the other one to hold you**

**Make you feel, make you feel better”**

 

_\- Why are you never sing along on my songs ?_

_\- Because the guys scream and I don’t understand…you know it.._

_\- It’s call Motörhead babe and you like them too._

_\- I was speaking about the other.._

_\- Gun and Roses._

_\- What eveeeeer you piece of metalhead, says Kara kissing her cheek. You love Paramore too, even if you…_

 

_And she continues._

 

_**“It’s not a walk in the park** _

_**To love each other.** _

_**But when our fingers interlock,** _

 

_Kara takes Lena’s hand and kisses it._

 

_**"Can’t deny, can’t deny you’re worth it** _

_**‘Cause after all this time I’m still into you”.** _

 

_“Come on Babe sing with me.”_

 

_Lena smiles again turning the steering wheel of the car. Kara was humming the melody loud while she was looking at Krypto. And the chorus starts…Lena could not leave Kara sings alone…so it happens. And she sings very strongly their song with Kara._

 

_**“I should be over all the butterflies** _

_**But I’m into you, I’m into you** _

_**And baby even on our worst nights** _

_**I’m into you, I’m into you.** _

_**Let’em wonder how we got this far** _

_**‘cause I don’t really need to wonder at all** _

_**Yeah, after all this time I’m still into you”** _

 

_During the little breakdown Kara air playing drum with Krypto’s paws. And she starts singing her part._

 

_**“Recount the night that I first met your mother”** _

 

_Then Lena._

 

_**“And on the drive back to my house** _

_**I told you that, I told you that I loved ya’."** _

 

_And Lena starts again._

 

_**“You felt the weight of the world** _

_**Fall off your shoulders** _

_**And to your favorite song** _

_**We sang along to the start of forever.”** _

 

_And both of them._

 

**_“An after all this time I’m still into you_ **

**_I should be over all the butterflies_ **

**_But I’m into you, I’m into you_ **

**_And baby even on our worst nights_ **

**_I’m into you, I’m into you._ **

**_Let’em wonder how we got this far_ **

**_‘cause I don’t really need to wonder at all_ **

**_Yeah, after all this time I’m still into you”_ **

 

_Lena has stop singing watching the road and listening Kara sing. And she feels them. She feels the butterflies that Hayley Williams was talking about in her song. She feels them and they don’t want to leave her. She does not want them to go. Another breakdown and Kara is now dancing on her sit with Krypto who barks happily. And she says to the puppy._

 

_"Son, I am glad that you’re enjoy your Mommies Jam Session in the car because they do that all the time. Wait for Mommy Lee’ to sing her lungs out on some Beyoncé, John Mayer or Julie Andrews tunes. Babe ? Babe !"_

_"Yes !"_

_"We’re a trio now", laughing Kara putting the dog’s head on her cheek._

 

_Lena’s heart melt and leant forward Kara to kiss her and Hayley Williams carries on to sing in the car speakers….so as Kara._

 

**_Some things just, some things just make sense,_ **

**_And one of those is you and I, hey.”_ **

 

_And Kara says as fast as she could._

 

_"Na’ ! It’snotoursongifyoudon’tsingalongwithme."_

 

_And she does._

 

**_“Some things just, some things just make sense,_ **

**_And even after all this time, hey”_ **

 

_Lena even slapping on her kneel and on the steering wheel singing along with Kara who was holing the back of her head her hand in Lena’s hair. Their windows open they sing as loud as they could looking at each other, Kara laying a arm in the air as Lena was driving. They were happy. So fucking happy._

 

_**“I’m into you, baby, not a day goes by** _

_**That I’m not into”** _

**_“An after all this time I’m still into you_ **

**_I should be over all the butterflies_ **

**_But I’m into you, I’m into you_ **

**_And baby even on our worst nights_ **

**_I’m into you, I’m into you._ **

**_Let’em wonder how we got this far_ **

**_‘cause I don’t really need to wonder at all_ **

**_Yeah, after all this time_ **

_One kiss._

_**I’m still into you** _

_Two kisses._

**_I’m still into you_ **

_Three kisses._

_**I’m still into you** _

_And they kiss again._

* * *

 

It was too much pain for Lena to hear this song right now. So she turns off the radio, watch the album artwork, smiling almost in tears because it was one of Kara’s favorites one. She continues to drive in silence, Krypto sit on the seat next to her put his head on her kneel. She always take Krypto with her now, she can’t be separate from her dog. He follows her everywhere, everytime. It’s 7am and it’s time to go to work. It’s a sunny day in New York, it’s early but Lena could not sleep. And she knows, she knows that it’s going to be a long day, so she puts her big black sunglasses, lights a cigarette, takes a sip of her coffee and presses the accelerator.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is back (finally !) and Lena is still dealing with the flashbacks of her life with Kara (hope you'll like this one too). 
> 
> Enjoy, and don't hesitate to comment what your think ! 
> 
> Thanks, :).

_**“She’ll cut her hair and move somewhere** _

_**She don’t owe you anything** _

_**No it’s never on a day you leave** _

_**You can tell how it’s gonna be** _

_**To watch a girl become a ghost before your eyes”** _

 

It’s dark. She can’t feel the air. She wants to move but she cant. She doesn’t know where she is. There is something on her head, something soft, something like silk. Her arms are crossed on her chest. She can’t move. She’s half asleep, she is weak, she is feeling weak. She wants to puke, everything is mix like she ate something toxic or chemical. Her body hurts like Hell. She wants to screams. She can’t see anything. She tries to use her x-vision but she can’t and she starts to panic. She put her hands on her hands, her forehead is wet, she feels the fever. She usually never feel the fever. She is usually never want to puke. She is never sick. She starts to cry. She feels stuck in a hole. She is in a hole. She sees some flashback but it’s all blur, the landscapes, the faces in front of her. She can’t remember well. She just remembers the pain. Acute pain. A heavy pain, a kind of pain she never really experienced before. Her mouth is dry and it hurts when she coughs. She feels her empty lungs. The darkness terrifies her so she tries to listen around her, she closes her eyes but it does not work. And the panic is heavier. So she tries to breath slowly, trying to remember what happened. She knows who she is. And she starts to recite quietly : “I am Kara Zor-El, I am Supergirl. I am Kara Zor-El, I am Supergirl."

And suddenly, she cries, a fountain of tears fell on her cheeks and she starts to remember.

She can hear people screaming around her. She can fell the wet earth under her. She can feel the blood leaving her body, it’s warmth. She feels someone smacking her, once, twice…and nothing. She feels the wind. But she can’t open her eyes, she can’t move an inch. And she feels the pain. She feels the pain pierces her chest, every bullets she had. Every screams she made, it’s on repeat in her head and she can’t handle the pain. She feels Winn’s voice telling quietly “Guys…? Guys ! I found her.”

And she heard Lena howls of pain and run to her. And it breaks her heart. She remembers feeling be hold, it was Winn’s arms, with people yelling around her. She felt and heard everything. She heard J’onn voice giving orders to the DEO agents “Look around I want him alive.”. Lena still screaming. She heard Alex. She heard everyone and it’s unbearable. Voices on voices, screams, yells, she is about to puke. All she could think about was Lena.

Her heart beat so slow when the trunk go, it was so fast, so fast. She feels again, Alex and Lena holding her hands. Lena was at her right because her hand was colder than Alex’s. She crying and her sister saying nothing but she could heard their heartbeats. And they beat fast. They beat so fast. She feels people cut her Supergirl suit. And a cold sensation against her chest and her back bend several times. Her heart was leaving her, every sensations seem far away and the voices become silence and suddenly she couldn’t feel or heard anything.

She was dead. And she remembers everything. She is dead. And she is in her grave.

 

* * *

 

 

_Days off at Home was Lena’s favorites. It was just the two of them, her and Kara. No super missions, or super articles to write, no super Lena in super outfit to run her super business. Just the two of them. And Krypto. But still…it’s six in the morning and they’re fully awake in bed, Green eyes meet Blue eyes in a peaceful silence. Lena’s head on Kara’s chest who plays with her hair. Lena is looking somewhere in the room, thinking._

_“I love your hair.” declared Kara._

_“Sorry Hon’ what ? “_

_“I’ve said I love your hair.”_

_“I know you love them.”_

_“I think I probably love your hair more than you.” Kara said innocently._

_“Kara Danvers be careful with what you say.”_

_“But they’re beautifuuuul, soft and always smell soooooo good.”_

_“Thanks to who ?”_

_Kara laughs and kisses Lena on the top of her head._

_“I am good with you.”, says Lena._

_“I am good with you too. What are you thinking ?.”_

_“Nothing.”_

_“Liar.”_

_Small silence._

_“Sometimes…sometimes I just wonder what if I did not have met you that day...when you came with Clark at my office.”_

_Kara, obviously concern, changed her position in the bed to face Lena as close as possible._

_“But we met each other that day. “what if” doesn’t count…why are you thinking that ?”_

_“I’ve melt with you.”_

_“You’ve melt ?”_

_“Yes…”_

_“Na’ I don’t understand.”_

_“I was a cold Queen made of ice before I met you…living in my high L-Corp tower trying to fix my family’s mistakes…and then you came.”_

_“You’re not a cold ice Queen. Life has been hard with you and you just tried to protect yourself.”_

_“And then you came.”, she whispered._

_They’re forehead against forehead now. Lena wrapping Kara with one leg and now it's her turn to put her head in Kara's neck, wrapping an arm on her chest._

_“I would have find you anyway. Even if I wouldn’t have been with my cousin that day. I would have found you in an other way…and if this way wouldn’t work I would have try another…again and again and again until I finally meet those perfect emerald eyes.”_

_“You’re my yellow sun.” says Lena looking at Kara straight in the eyes._

_“You’re my red sun.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Lena shakes her head. Krypto barking and cars behind her honking furiously. She was daydreaming. Daydreaming about Kara. Again and again and again. It’s 11pm. Nights fell on New York City. It’s time to go home. She’s tired. She takes off her heels, unbutton the 3 first buttons of her shirt and listen to her vocal messages of her cellphone while she put her hair on a messy ponytail. 7 people tried to call her today. One from Jess asking if she could take one day off because her boyfriend was in town, and the rest was from some partners business. She could not give any more fuck at this time. She is tired. She needs to rest. So she listen to one of the phone of the Home. One from Eliza.

 

_“Eh sweety. I hope you’re good, please call me back, I worry. Take care of you. ”_

 

One from Barry who could crack the phone line from his own planet.

 

_"Eh Leelee’, it’s Barry, look what we did, calling people from another planet, how dope is that, sorry if it’s the middle of the night on your Earth… ahaha…Whatever I hope you’re doing well...it’s been a long time, I miss my friend. I miss your voice and see you around. Please call me back I know you can do that. We all thinking about you here. Take Care, we love you Leelee’....Iris sends kisses and offer you a room with her special pie at home if you wanna come to our planet !”_

 

_“Le-Geek, it’s Winn. I have something you have to see, check your mails. I am sure you’re at L-Corp right now. Don’t work too much please, and take care. EAT, take a warm bath, take care again and say “Hi” to Krypto from Uncle Winn. Love you Nerd head.”_

 

_“Lena, it’s Alex…and Maggie, call us back.”_

 

_“Luthor ! It’s Maggie please call us back, we miss you, New York is too far away and it doesn't have us !”_

 

_“Lena please call us back, we’re really worry, even my mom called asking for news and we did not knew what to say….I know it’s hard. I know you can’t come to National City for now, and we understand, it’s completely okay. But please, call us back, we miss you. It’s been months. Whatever you think, you’re family. You’re stuck with us forever. We could even come to New York. You can’t stay alone with Krypto. You need us and we need you. Everything suck without you and yes it’s Maggie who said that can you believe it…please call us back, whenever you want we don’t care, but please tell us you’re fine and safe. Bye Little One.”_

 

_“Luthor ! It’s me, Alex is asleep and I was thinking about you 'cause I just found this picture of you and me kicking ass at the beach. Listen, do what you want, it’s okay, but send some news, everything is fucked up without you here, I miss my friend, I miss my best friend, please call me back. It’s okay if it’s still too hard for you to see us, but I miss you. I miss my friend…I am not mad, I just miss you and your shitty humor. Please give some news Luthor. I am warning you…or I’ll kick your ass by myself…in New York Fucking City Luthor if I have too. I am fucking serious, call me. I love you, don’t forget, okay Little Irish potato ?”_

 

Now Lena is crying. Crying thinking that her friends and family are sad because of her. But she can’t do anything about that. Come back to National City is not in her plans at all. Even if she kept everything she owns in the city, some building, the L-Corp one, restaurant, etc and her penthouse with Kara. National City is too much pain for her and it reminds her everything about the perfect life she had before. Hearing those kind words break her heart. She does not say that to them. She does not have any kind words for anyone since Kara’s gone. She can’t. She is cold and too serious with everyone. She don’t go out from her apartment, she just goes to Central Park with Krypto for their jog or enjoy the sun reading on a bank while Krypto nap on her heeling feet. She just socialize at work and it’s enough. She doesn’t have any straight to speak to Human. Humans killed Kara, Humans killed Supergirl. And the few ones she trust live in National City and she does not call them. And It’s been months. So she decided to call Maggie. And just Maggie. And if she does not pick up the phone at the third ring she will hang off. She does not want to talk to anyone. But they don’t deserve this.

 

“It’s a fair deal Krypt’ right ?”

 

The dog barks jumping on Lena’s kneel stucking his nose in her neck.

 

_Bip…_

“One ring.”

_Bip…_

“Two ring.”

_B…_

“Th..”

“Luthor ! Oh my ! I am so happy…what did you said ? Don’t tell me you just did the The Rule of the 3 Rings ? Never mind, I don’t care. I am so happy !”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be in two parts, the other part is about Lena, Alex and Maggie's conversation and something else that I won't spoil. 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the nice feedback. I had fews comments about Lex's parts, you'll learn what happened to him in the next chapters, don't worry ! I hope you'll like this side of the story too. 
> 
> Your comments are always appreciated, thanks for them, they make me smile every time !
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter ! More to come very soon, exams are over Friday night so..., :).


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello…I had you messages…I did not check them for a while..I just back home..”she answers quietly and tired.

“Lee’…it’s almost midnight…”

“I know…sorry…I should have call at an appropriate ho..”

“Shut up Luthor, you call when you wanna call, it’s a rule and you know it. I don’t make the rules. ”

 

 _“Who is it ?”_ asks a voice away. _“It’s Lena_ !” answers Maggie. _“Oh Babe put the speaker_ !”

 

“Eh Lena ! I am so happy…please don’t tell me you just back home..”

“Hello Al’…you got me..”

“How many times will I have to tell you to not work at such hours….”

“I know..”

 

There is a small silence.

 

“Oh Luthor, I am happy to hear you.”

“Me too Magg’.”

“I miss you so much, do you know that ?”

“I miss you too.”  


Another silence.

 

“You know we can come to New…”starts Maggie before Lena cuts her.

“How are you ? I mean… both of you…”

“We’re fine…we’re busy, trying to put some peace in town but…we’re okay. It’s okay. We’re fine.”

“How are you, you ? How is New York, how is Krypto” asks Alex concern. “We saw some new papers, and shitties peoples magazines…they still follow you….everytime I see all this stolen pics I am so angry...”

“Yes.. they are. I am just trying to ignore them…I-I…I don’t really have the strength to move one more time. And they annoying but…I can’t move another time…it could kill me”, Lena says forcing her laugh. 

“They have no right…those bastards.”

“They have all the rights they want I am a public personnality…They can puke their hate and fucking suspicions on me when and how they want. At least Kara has integrity. She was the best. She was a reporter but she never annoyed anyone…except her visits on repeat when we weren’t together yet and it was not even annoying, I married her.”

 

Another silence.

 

“Listen Lee’, and don’t you dare to hang off, I am warning you.” firmly says Maggie.

“I am gonna stop you right now…I know what you’re about to say. And I don’t wanna have this conversation. I don't wanna hear the things you're about to say.”

“And what I am about to say ? We worrying for you Lena. It’s been months.You did not call back for months. What are we supposed to do to have some news ? The only things we learn is by magazines. I fucking miss you !”

“That I am not alone, that Kara is maybe not here anymore but I am still in the family….Superfriends and everything…that everyone can come to New York if I can’t support to see National City again…but I can’t Maggie. I can’t face everyone. I can’t face you Alex, I can face your Mom, I can’t face Winn, James, Clark, Cat and everyone…you remind, everyone remind her, and it breaks my heart all over again. I love you all more than you can even fucking imagine, but I can't. I can't do that. Even the…”

 

Her voice starts to break.

 

“….even hearing your voices remind me of her. It kills me. You don't need me. She is dead. She will never come back to me. To us. To Eliza. Or even Krypto. I lost her. And I…”

“But that does not means you’ve lost us Lena. You’re my sister too. I can’t lose my other sister.I can't be the last Danvers standing. You're a Danvers to me, you're a fucking Danvers” says Alex on a serious but broken voice.

“I am sorry but I can’t…and it’s my brother’s fault, he kills your Mom’s daughter, he killed your sister, Clark’s cousin, he killed my wife and the best mate of the Superfriends’ gang…you don’t need to see me…I am always sad, I always cry, and it’s been more than a year now. I am not strong as you. I am weak. I am a Luthor and I am weak. I should not be weak.”

“You’re not weak. You’re Human. Kara did that. You’ve told it yourself. She changed you in the best possible way, put the Zor-El side on the Luthor one.”

“But I became what I was before. Again. This fucking cold Ice Queen. And when I am home…I am useless.”

"You're not useless, we see what you've done. We read the Catco interview."

 

Another silence.

 

“Guys….I just want to have my life back…” she says starting to cry.

 

Alex and Maggie’s eyes are full of tears.

 

“Why are you blaming yourself…Lena…stop thinking that you and Le…you and your brother are the same. You aren’t. My little sister choose you. And she never made bad choices. She was the best alien being on the entire galaxy and she choose you. You, Lena Saoirse Elizabeth Luthor, because she knew that you’re a good person, trying her best to make the world a better place. And you helped her so many times during her Superheroes job. She told herself that a lot of Supergirl’s victories happened because you’ve help her, you’ve help the D.E.O…”

 

“Kara choose you because she…because she knew that you’re not like them. And remember the time that everyone believed that you turned evil…she was the only person to trust you. She fought everyone to pick you up from your mother. Because she knew that you’re a good person. Her good person.” continues Maggie.

 

“She fucking loved you and she was happy with your life together and my Mom and I will never be thankful enough to you. Because you’ve made her happy. Happy to be on Earth. Happy to realize that she was more than this little lost alien girl that Clark brought us that day…Thanks to you she knew what happiness is. You loved my little sister and she knew what Love is before she die. And knowing this…warms my heart so fucking much Lena. You have no idea. You’ve made her happy.”

 

“Guys…I…”

 

“And the day we were all wrong. And we felt so ashamed to not have trusted you….we were so so so ashamed of ourselves because you saved all the aliens….and we still have this feeling somewhere….”

 

They cry. The three of them. Tears all over their faces.

 

“I will try to call more…I don’t make promises…but I can try to call you more. I am so sorry…I don’t wanna let you down .”she says.

“Yes, please Lena. We miss you. And stop saying that.”

“I miss you too.”

 

Another silence and Lena forced a laugh.

 

“You know what is the irony ? I cut my fucking hair. Kara loved my hair and I cut my fucking hair.” She says upset. Maybe upset at herself.

“What ar…”

 

                  She is angry.

 

“I was driving and I obviously daydreaming of a very warm and lovely memory that I have with your sister. It was a Sunday morning and it was like…maybe 6 in the morning, we were in our bed, in our National City bedroom in our sheets and blankets planning to spent the day like that, just in bed. Everything was perfect, we were silence, my fucking head on her chest and her holding me. I remember feeling so safe. It was a perfect moment”, she says almost angry.

 

Neither Alex or Maggie answer.

 

“And you know what she said ? You know what my wife said to me at six in the fucking morning ?.”

 

Silence again. Lena is angry-crying.

 

“ “ _I love your hair_.” is what she said. She said that she loves my fucking hair and that they’re beautiful, soft and that they’re smell so good. And I cut them. I cut a little of my fucking hair because I can’t even support myself. I can’t support myself and my face, and my hair because I remind me of Kara.”

“Lena..it’s…”

“Do you understand now…do you understand that this is my life right now…I can’t support to see my own face and hair and it breaks my heart to think the same when I see your faces. And it’s like that…it’s like that every fucking days and every fucking nights and every time that I dream. Last night I was about to pass out, I was in my bed with Krypto at my feet and I heard a noise on the balcony. Because yes, I have a fucking balcony, don’t ask me why…Maybe that I still hope for her to come Home, to come to me, and I was half asleep and there was this noise and for one fucking second I thought that it was her. That she found me, that she was back. And my heart broke again when I realised that I was half asleep. It’s my life guys. Every fucking day.”

 

Lena cries. She gives up on the “try to be strong thing” and she couldn’t stop herself to cry.

 

“I miss her so much….I want my life back. I want my National City penthouse, not the one I lived alone but the one I bought with my wife, my real Home. I want my real bed, my curtains, my real kitchen, this stupid mugs that Kara brought me every time that she flew somewhere I did not go yet, I want my couch and my bathroom, my garden. I want to let the door of the balcony open to let her come home after super stuffs missions in the middle of the night. I want to feel her go to bed and hold me when she thinks that I am asleep but I am not because I can’t sleep when she’s not here, when she doesn’t wrap her arms around me or when she is doing Supergirl duties.”

 

                  She is upset and speaks very fast.

 

“I want to feel the smell of her suit when she comes home, and the smell of her clothes with her perfume, I want to spend thousand and thousand dollars on potstickers again. Be ridiculously mad at her because she did not clean the table of it pizza boxes. I hate this place. I hate this penthouse. I hate New York. I hate their coffee and their stupid donuts. I hate everything where Kara isn’t involve. I want my Life back.”

                 

* * *

 

 

                  She is still there. Alone, buried, and cold. She is lost and does not know what to do. She feels weak, she never feels herself this weak before. She has to get out of this hole.

 

“I am Supergirl. I am Supergirl. I am Supergirl.”, she can’t stop repeat.

 

                  She starts to push as strong as she can, the door of the coffin. She pushes, and pushes again. And she realises that her powers fail her.

 

“Where are my powers ?”, she whispers.

 

She tries to use her X-Ray vision…Without success and she panics again. She put her hand on her mouth trying to stop herself from the tears and she feels her cold wedding ring against her lips.

 

“Lena.”

 

And she cries, wrapping her ring with her other hand. 

 

“Lena. I have to find Lena.”

 

So she tries to focus, get concentrate and she starts to push again.

She pushes, again and again and again. She screams in pain as she pushes. The wood starts to crack and she doesn’t give up she carries on to push. Some dirt fall in the coffin, fresh and wet dirt. She stops. She is out of breath. She dries her eyes of their tears with her tired arms. Her chest looking for oxygen was a mess of up and down. And she starts to push again, one last push, one last scream and the coffin broke completely and the force with which she pushed the coffin throws up into the surface almost flying. She was half buried, to the hips. And she feels it. The fresh air. She feels the wind against her skin and for a second she feels good. She can fully breath. Full her lungs of fresh air. She clears the dirt around her and lays down on the ground, eyes closed, gradually regaining her breath and spirits. She feels so weak and her chest still hurting her. She tries to stand up. Once standing, she felt nauseous. It’s the night, she doesn’t know where she is so she looks around her and all she can see is graves and epitaphs. She puts herself on her kneels with she saw it. Her grave. Her marble epitaph. And she read it :

  

**Kara Zor-El Danvers-Luthor / Supergirl**

**_She made the stars shine brighter and the Earth a better place._ **

 

                  There is the symbol of her family, the famous “S” engraved on her tomb. And she cries. She cries so much that night. Realizing that she is clearly dead and she is not anymore. There is no graves around hers because she is, was, Supergirl and that the mayor, the president, etc, wanted that the National City Superheroes has her own space in the cemetery.

                  So she does the only thing that she could, she starts to walk to the cemetery exit.

 

“I can feel the cold, why can I feel the cold ?”, she asks for herself rubbing her arms trying to warm them.

She is lost. And she tries to remember things. She does not even know what day, month or year is it. No phone, no cash, she has nothing. The only thing that she knows is that she is in National City.

 

“I have to find Lena and I need sun. I am so tired.” she whispers walking.

 

She thought about going the Fortress of Solitude, getting some rest and try to figure out what really happened but she can’t fly. Fly right know would have been the best thing you could happen to her so she could go Home. But she does not that Lena is not in National City anymore. She is gone. Gone in New York City far away from their Home.

As soon as she arrived in town, Kara is on her way to the Public Library. But before she wants to find a newspaper. It did not took her long.

                  She is looking at the cover.

 

_“27 th May 2022.”_

                  She sits eyes full of tears and try to remember when all this “Lex Luthor’s return” was. It was during the first days of January 2021.

 

“Oh my…I die almost one year and a half. I stayed dead all this time.”

 

And she cries. She’s exhausted. She decides to walk to the National City L-Corp building hoping to find Lena. Her heart is heavy, she’s nervous and feeling so weak.

She’s only at few blocks from the building. And when she finally arrives…every mentions of L-Corp are gone.

 

“What the fuck…”, she thinks panicking again.

 

She decides to go to her home. She is a mess. Everything that was stable in her life maybe does not exist anymore. She is terrify and so afraid of what she will found.

She walks fast, almost run, but she is too weak and her chest still hurts like Hell. She feels the scars of the bullets.

                  In front of the building she takes a deep breath, eyes close. She feels the cold wind enters in her clothes. This clothes, this clothes that she is wearing since almost one year and a half. Kara suddenly feels disgusting and wants to puke. All she could do right know is try to stay calm, so she breath, deeply. And enters in the building. Strangely, the guardian is not here, “Lucky me”, she thought. Thinking about the fact that she will not have to explain that Kara Danvers is not dead anymore. The presses the button of the elevator. Their private elevator that Lena wanted to have so much, for more privacy. She tries to remember the code.

 

_“7189”_

And the doors open.

The ride seems like hours and when the door finally opens in their corridor, Kara close her eyes. She is scare and can’t move. It took all her courage just to open her eyes. She walks in the corridor and sees the door of their penthouse. And she cries again. She sees all the letters, all the stacks of mail. She almost runs to the door, looking for the secret key. But even the secret key seems not be here anymore. She falls in her knees. Again. And put her head in her hand and stays like this a long moment.

On her kneels in front of the door of her Home. At few meters from what is supposes to be Home. And where Lena should had been.

 

Kara gets up. And decided to search what happened to Lena. She’s now on her way to the public library.

She plays with her wedding ring nervously, hoping that she will not be recognized. She enters in the building looking at the ground and finally has a sit with one computer. And she writes “Lena Luthor” on the Google navigator. And she sees it. All the link of stolen photos of Lena. Stolen photos of her funerals, stolen photos in L-Corp, stolen photos of Lena in the streets. Stolen photos of Lena wearing black clothes. Stolen photos of her Mom, Alex, Maggie, Winn, Cat, James and all the others. Stolen photo of Superman, wearing a black suit. But her hearts broke at the second when she saw the disgusting stolen photos of Lena at Home crying. And she whispers to herself.

 

“What have they done to you Na’…” she says her hand covering her mouth. 

 

She cries silently. And she continues to scroll the photos, searching for what happened.

She saw all this pics and, then a title who says “ _L-Corp is over ? Does Lena Luthor gives up ?”_ or “ _Is the Luthor dynasty die with Supergirl ?”_

“Bastards.”

 

_“Flash new : Lena Luthor’s new boyfriend !”_

 

“It’s Winn. A friend, fucker !”

 

And she couldn’t stop asking “What have they done to you ?”.

 

“ _Supergirl ? Already remplaced with another Luthor’s love affair ?”,_ and she saws Maggie, holding Lena by the hips, Lena's head on her shoulder. 

“It’s her best fucking friend.” She says in her head. “My sister’s wife, asshole.”

_"Supergirl real identity finally revelled : Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor's wife, Catco reporter."_

And another, this one breaks Kara’s hear more, a pic of Lena crying in Barry’s arm, they’re at her funerals. _“The truth at least ? Did Luthor cheated on Supergirl/Kara Danvers ?”_

She closes her eyes, trying not to scream. She never cheated on Lena. Never.

There are a lot of stolen pic of Barry, Winn, James, and Clark going to they penthouse with disgusting titles. Kara's heart broke overtime she read one of them. Even with Maggie, Alex or Cat.

"She has all the rights to choose her friends.", she thinks. 

Because yes, Lena's best friend were Barry, Winn and Maggie. And medias and bad journalists don't even tried to look for the truth, there were best friends. Romantic thing had nothing to do with this. Kara was so angry. People had no right to enter in their life, in Lena's life like they did and like they still do. 

 

She clicks on a Cat’s interview speaking about Supergirl so she watching it.

 

“ _Supergirl was my friend. And Kara Danvers was my assistant for few years before she started being the best reporter in town She was the heroes of the city. And your disgusting magazines should be ashamed. You exposed her whole life in them. Now that everyone know that Kara Danvers was Supergirl because Mister Lex Luthor wanted to make sure that everyone know, you just follow him instead of protect who Kara Danvers was. All this publications should be censure. You have absolutely no right to publish all of this. Be decent, come on. What you doing to Lena Luthor is disgusting. She is a good person and she has nothing to do with Supergirl’s death. She just lose her wife and all you do is harass her. And I accepted this interview only to tell the truth, it is the first and the last I’ll make on public television. And the truth is that Supergirl Kara Danvers as Supergirl sacrificed her life to save us all. It was all of us or her. And she decided to die for us to live. It’s horrible but it’s simple as that. And Kara Danvers has a family, she has friends, a sister and a wife. And you should leave them alone. Have some respect. She saved us for fuck’s sake. She die for us.”_

The journalist did not know what to say. Cat made a break. Took off her microphone and says.

“ _Now I am gonna leave but I have a last thing to say. They’re all tired of what you’ve done so I will do it myself, I am dragging you all to the court. We’re going to the trial. Because she was my friend and because it hurted me too. And they’re all agree. CHOP CHOP…You make me wanna vomit.”_

 

And she left the TV set.

Kara is crying. Cat took her defense in front of all the people magazines, paparazzi’s and little fuckers. And she did it with the Cat Grant Way.

She read few links and articles after that, Cat won the trial.

Next Kara’s discover is that Lena moved from National City. “ _The Times_ ” published few page about the fact that L-Corp headquarter moved to New York City.

 

“What are you doing in New York City Na’…?”.

 

She takes some notes and carries on her researches. All this pics of Lena, all this bad articles about her, all the insults in the comments, all the bad and heartbreaking rumors, all this pages about Lex’s trial. All this articles about Supergirl national funerals. She tried to find to most recent. And she finds few pics of Lena walking in Central Park with Krypto. The pics are blurring but she can recognize her wife and their dog. Lena is wearing sunglasses and is sitting on a bench reading new papers. She seems, and is, tired, hiding this behind her big black sunglasses. Krypto is sit at her feet like he wanted to protect her. She stares on some pics.

 

“She cut a little of her hair…” _,_ she says to herself half smiling. “She cut a little of her amazing hair.”

 

That day at the library, she just saw Lena become a ghost. And she was not there to see this.

 

**_“No it’s never on a day you leave_ **

**_You can tell how it’s gonna be_ **

**_To watch a girl become a ghost before your eyes”_ **


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is on her way to New York City, she is on her way to find her Home, to find Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I just went outside a little moment, and once back on Tumblr I saw all this absolutely wonderful pics and videos of Katie McGrath..guys she signed a Supercorp fan fiction, read it out loud, etc..TODAY IS A FUCKING GOOD DAY FOR OUR SUPERCORP TEAM AND KATIE MCGATH IS THE CAPTAIN OF OUR SHIP ! F.U.C.K.Y.E.S !
> 
> I wanted to post this chapter only tomorrow night but all this new stuffs made me post it now and I have few chapters in advances and some script notes who just need to be write. More to come very soon with the Supercorp reunion, what will happen to Lex, what will Lena do...I hope you will enjoy this chapter, few flashbacks and a motivate Kara on her way to find her life back ! 
> 
> You can find me here : sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup.tumblr.com
> 
> Also, thanks everyone for the kind and nice comments, I smile overtime I read them and..and..thanks again, really.

There were a lot of kisses. Soft kisses. Angry kisses. Deep kisses. Wild kisses. Sad kisses. Sweat kisses. Caffeinated kisses. Toothpaste kisses. But most of all there were much more love kisses.

They loved each other. Mentally. Physically. There were nails in backs. Loving moans. Hands in hair. Clothes on the floor. Clothes on the furniture and overturned shoes there and here on the way to their bedroom. Underwear on the couch. Glasses in the sink. Messy blankets. Sweat words whispered in ears. Soft name murmured. Hungry kisses on the necks. Exposed throats. Tensed muscles. Naked bodies. Half dress bodies. Even dress bodies. Thrown underwear on the floor or on the big television. Traces of hands on the enclosures of the shower. Lipsticks on the pillows. Intertwined hands sink in the mattress. Hair disperse on the floor. Few rude words. Lowered car seats. Expensive hotel rooms. Lights on. Lights off. Heads on the chests. Sometimes teeth on lips and messy kisses. Sex eyes, there were a lot of sex eyes and inappropriate thoughts. Bodies on desk. Supersuit on the floor next too some Versace clothes. A shoes in the hall and the other in the bathroom.

But most of all there was love. Every time. Every time it was all about love. A kiss for every “Good morning” and a kiss for every “Good nights”. And kisses between kisses everyday.

That was their love life. And they wanted to keep this for us.

There were a very private couple in the public sphere. It was natural. People did not need to know that they were this physical. It was none of their business. They had their own conception of love and not kissing or touching each other around random people was one of their conceptions of Love. Lena always repeated that “Love is a private thing. I don’t want to show this to the world. It’s private. And discrete and intimate.”. And Kara always answered back “Yes. It’s not a show.”. But they can’t help themselves. People knew. People knew as the second as they were here that this two were the most in love couple that they had seen in their life. It just showed. And everyone knew and everyone know. No need to see them kissing, touching, talking to each other. It was just their looks. It was just their gazes. It was an evidence to everybody. And the looks. The gazes. This special eyes-to-eyes thing that pissed Alex so much. “Stop this fucking sex eyes when I am here. It’s so disgusting and so gay.” She always said laughing. But it wasn’t Kara and Lena fault. They were not even aware of that.

 

_“Love is about feeling, not showing.” Always said Lena. “I don’t need to make out with Kara in the streets to prove that she’s mine.”_

_“What about this make out session in this taxi on the way home from Winn’s birthday party. Don’t lie I was here with Alex.”_

_“That does not count.”_

_Silence._

_“I was drunk.”_

_Maggies laughed at the answer._

_“You always uses the vodka excuse.”_

_“It’s always true.”_

_“You know….When I was still on my planet…Love was a very different thing. In Krypton you did not marry the person you love. I use to compare Krypto society to the French Monarchy of the Middle-Age and Modern Age of kingdoms in Europe.”_

_“Oh fuck…”, laughed Maggie, “Come on you History Nerd…go ahead…let’s learn some History thing.”_

_“My family was related to the royal family of Krypton. And every family, group of people, individuals, the vasals of the King and Queen and the rest had to deal with each other. Every family or group of family related has to reign on a part of the planet. It was a bigger planet than Earth. So every kid who belonged to this pyramids were destined as soon as they were born to someone they will marry at the age of 21 years old. It was not about love at all. It was about expending our lands, expending resources. Being married with a man or woman was not an important question. What was important was the gain of the two families by marrying their children. Some of them fell in love and some of them don’t. Back on Krypton love was a different thing. Once married they were not rules as long as the two stayed married and carry on to extend their land and defend it. You could fall in love with another person. The only rule is to not show it. It was a question of honor. You see ? Let’s imagine that Alex was Winn’s wife on Krypton and was a couple with Maggie. Alex couldn’t show with Maggie by her arm, to Winn’s honor. And if it was about to happen Winn was in his rights to kill Maggy without consequences. ”_

_“What the fuck ?”_

_“It’s an Ancient Rao Law. It was in every books about law. But..this kind of things don’t really happened, it was in ours laws but…people just do what they wanted to do. The discretion was the key. That’s maybe why I like to be discreet too._

 

 Not being physical in the public sphere was a thing. But that does not mean that there weren’t quick kisses or soft kisses. Hold a discreet hand holding another discrete hand while they walked in the streets, or at the grocery store. Whispered words at the movie theater. A head on a shoulder from time to time during a gala. Arousing smiles. They were just very private about this. And to be honest, the medias, and the paparazzi’s were one the reasons too. They did not want to see their face on all the magazines. All this sweet attention was for them only and during family time with their closest love ones.

 

* * *

 

_Of course exceptions were made. Of course sometime the looks in their eyes became concretes actions. And of course in was fun and unforgettable. This time where they totally make out at their wedding, hiding in the kitchen of the castle they have rent for the weekend not far away from the beach where they’ve been married._

_Where Kara was looking for more champagne and alien liquor. Lena followed her in the big, large and long corridor, running hand in hand with their heels on their feet. Lena stopping herself to run and pushed a very smiling Kara on the wall who let herself been kiss like she was never been kissed before. Smiles became serious face looking deeply and seriously in each other eyes._

_“Kiss me.”, said Kara._

_And Lena did. Resting her lips on Kara’s without moving them. Stopped the kiss and look at her again right in her blues eyes._

_“Kiss me.” asked Kara again, her forearm on Lena’s shoulders. Blue eyes meet Green. Again._

_She made a quick kiss._

_“Kiss me again.”_

_And she kissed her. Deeply. Lovingly. With all she had. With all she was. And with all they were about to become. Kisses on the lips became kisses in the neck who became hands on naked skin._

_A wedding dress merging with another. Lena was now against the wall, her legs wrapped around Kara waist and Kara’s mouth on Lena’s collarbone or under Lena’s left ear._

_"Ew…get a fucking room guys", said Maggie walking in their direction with a glass of whiskey in her hand._

_"Babe, where are you ?" asked Alex arriving too._

_"Ewww, you could have wait to be on your room. Everybody is waiting for you, she said as she watch Lena and Kara."_

_To take off from each other was a torture. But they did._

_Or that time at Thanksgiving in Midvale. Where they stayed on the couch while Eliza and Alex was making dinner, Maggie looking for bottles in the liquors counter, James, Winn and Clark setting the table. Lena had a rough day, and Kara was exhausted because she did super stuffs all day long without a break. Lena gave a glass of water and waited for her to finished it before sitting on Kara’s knees in a way where they could be face to face. She replaced Kara wild hair behind her ears and they kissed. What was a soft and warm kiss becoming a hungry kiss where Kara’s hand holding firmly Lena’s hips._

_"_ _Ahem…ahem.., "said Maggie._

_Lena smiled against Kara lips, made a one last kiss on the corner of Kara and finally sat properly while Maggie put glass on the coffee table._

_"Eh everybody, these two were making out while the honest people prepare dinner."_

_Everyone laughed at Maggie’s joke._

That was the love they gave to each other. That was the love their built. Together. And this Lena, this was what Lena’s dream was made of. Kara’s body against hers, Kara lips against her skin. The woke up was hard. It was hard so she took a glass of whiskey and went to smoke a cigarette on the balcony in her satin sweatpants. Krypto always sitting at her feet.

The talk with Alex and Maggie was hard and it was all she can think about.

 

* * *

 

She is sitting on a bank in a park in National City, reading her notes she took at the library, trying to figured out this mess that is happening. She has no home anymore, she can’t fly and Lena moved to New York City few days after her funerals. She can’t talk to her sister or anyone else before Lena. She feels a little better because it’s a sunny day despite what is happening. So she closes her eyes and laying on the bank for a few minutes. She has to eat, she is feeling weak. But she has nothing with her. The heavy pain on her chest comes and goes. The best solution could, instead of flying, be her super speed power but she is not sure that it’s effective now. She feels the tears come again. She wants her life back. So bad. She needs a shower or a 7h long bath. She wants Lena’s smile, Krypto’s affection, a hug from her sister and everything that she had to gave up the night she surrendered to Lex. She needs some rest but she knows that she won’t have it until she finds Lena.

She tries to call her at the library but she changed her number. So she made the link with the fact that she has been harassed by the media. She wanted to call her so bad just to say that she was back and that she was about to come home. Not the one with walls and roof and doors and windows but Home. The one with green eyes, long dark hair, boss ass bitch outfit and killer smile. She took her way to the closest metro station near her to find a map. She has to get out of the city and go to New York. Whatever how many time it will takes, she has to do it. She has to come Home.

She decides to go back to library and find the quickest itinerary to go to the Big Apple. She has to do it alone. People know now that Kara Danvers is Supergirl. She can’t be recognize. She can’t ask people to drive her, she can’t take the bus, still less the plane. Maybe use trains is a good idea.

She writes everything that can help to achieve the journey. What trains, where to stop, hours of departure, arrival times. Nights trains can be a good option. Less people, less controllers, more tranquility so more time to rest.

In a small street she tries to use her super speed it was effective but just for few seconds. Thanks to the sun. She decides to keep this joker for later. Then she tries to fly, it’s a disaster. She starts by jumping and she fell on the floor, hitting her head on it. She is surprised to see blood. It usually never happens. She is still very weak and very vulnerable. She stops to try and decided to walk to the train station and the pain on her chest comes again. It hits her hard, so hard that she has to sit down for a bit. Then she thinks about Lena and decides to carry one even if it has to kill her for good. At least, she would die to find her Home and not by Lex.

 

It’s almost night, and the train to her first stop is almost here. She opens the door of the last wagon. She walks in the corridor and finds a seat. She fell asleep almost as the second that she sat and wrapped her in the train night blankets, hoping that nobody will wake her up to check on her ticket. Lucky her nobody did it. She wokes up around midnight because of the pain. She really needs some ray sun treatment and some junk food. But all she could thinking now is Lena. Lena who is alone and probably destroy. So she decides to watch the landscapes running through the windows, she can’t see anything but trying to get focus on something calm her heart for a moment, playing with her wedding ring. She decides to read her not, for the billion time today. She never been to New York, she doesn’t know the city, the people, the streets and everything. Worst, she does not where Lena lives. And the city is one of the biggest in the world.

 

She tries to use her super hearing, it failed. She starts to cry. It’s the first time she tries since she woke up in her tomb because she was too afraid to not be able to hear Lena’s heart. She used to always keep an ear for Lena’s heart, always. And it’s the first time that she can’t hear it.

And suddenly, all the pressure is down. She is shaking, trembling, crying and doesn’t know what to do. She is lost.

It’s the same feeling she had the day that Clark opened her pod years ago. The feels of pain, lowliness, desperation, misunderstanding, tears and empty heart. And she sees it. She sees Krypton explodes again and again and again. She hears Lena’s voice the day her heart stopped, her broken scream resonates between her two ears. And she wants to scream because now the pain in her chest is back. She runs her hand in her shirt and looks at her fingers, the scars are open now. And she is panicking. All she can do is trying to calm herself. Taking deep breaths. Until she passes out too tired.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s the middle of the night and Lena is working on her couch with a bottle of red win and Krypto laying beside her. She answers to the mails she received during the day and she would like to take some advance in her work of tomorrow because she now that she won’t sleep. And that her tomorrow mood will be horrible.

After twenty mails she decides to take a break. And send a text to Barry.

 

“ _Eh you...thanks for the call, sorry for the lack of news but you know…things aren’t simples here and you know…but what you’ve done to call on my earth is totally extraordinary, you have to show me asap. I send the text with the code you gave, I hope it will find you. I miss you too, and Iris. Have a nice day on the other side of the universe, Love you Ry',  L.”_

Now she wants to read what Winn send to her. All he wrote in the mail is some series of code she had to resolve. And she did, in less than a hour. And the program opens to let a message from Winn encode too. Lena takes a pen and a piece of paper and write the solve serie of number. And when she read it, it says : “ _Luthor, you solve the problem, you won a ticket to see me, you nerd. Love love love LOVE and miss you Lee’_.”

She smiles. Winn is a genius and spent probably hours and hours just to cracked her own program and send her this sweet note.

 

“I miss you too, you cute nerd.”, she whispers texting him :  " _I just solved the problem. You're maybe a genius but I am staying the Boss here Darling. I love love love LOVE you and miss miss miss MISS you too. Lee'._ ". 

 

She takes another glass of wine and bursts into tears holding a pillow from the couch tight. Krypto reacts immediately by laying his head on her knees.

 

“Thanks I got you…you stayed.”

 

He whispers a bark like he understood what she just said, and climb on her to put his head on her shoulder like he was a baby. And she hold him. 


	7. Chapter 7

Kara is now out from the first train. It’s going to be a long trip. She can barely walk. So tired. But the scars on her chest stopped to bleed. She needs the sun. And she needs it right know. The few moments of sleep she has seems a bit effective. Her head is still a mess but at least it doesn’t hurt anymore.

                  It’s the middle of the night and the train is now stop. It’s the final stop and she has to change this train for another. She reads her note, the next train is in three hours. And she starts to get cold, she crosses her arms on her chest while she walks to the train station. It’s almost empty. She rubs her hands on her arms to warm herself. And she sees her face in a window. She looks like a mess. Puffy red and tired eyes, shaking lips, blue hands.

 

“I’ve never thought that cold could be that horrible”, she whispers to herself.

 

She is sitting in the train station hall reading the newspapers that the person sat before her left. A lot of thing has change. And she reads everything, it keeps her awake. She can’t miss the train and make the trip to her Homer longer. She learns that America get a new president, a bad one apparently. The news can’t stop saying that because Supergirl die the people don’t feel safe anymore and that more and more bad aliens invaded the country.

 

“They’re not all like that. I am not like that, Kal, J’onn and M’gann either. What is his problem ?”

 

“ _Supergirl was just a joker to the country. So as her stupid cousin, Superman. The country can’t think that having to aliens to protect will change something. We’re American, we’re better than that. And Supergirl’s death proves that. We can’t count on them. We have the best army in the world, we can’t fight aliens without them.”_

 

This interview breaks her heart once more.

 "The world has changed…", she whispers in tears.

 

And she remembers meeting the ancient president. She was so proud and fierce when the two shaked their hand for a picture when the woman went to National City the first time to congratulate her and Supergirl’s actions during a wave a bad aliens invasion who wanted to destroy the city, one of her harder fight. People were all smile and cheering in the crown, waving Supergirl and United States flags in the air. Lena was here, with Alex Maggie and everyone she loves.

She remembered how Lena looked at her this day and during her speech she did not forget to thanks her wife. Future wife, they were not married at this time. But Lena is helping the D.E.O and Supergirl way before they were a couple. Nobody knew that Lena Luthor was dating with Supergirl, or that Supergirl was Kara Danvers.

 

_“I would like to give a special shot to the L-Corp C.E.O Lena Luthor. She helps me since the day I, Supergirl, needed something. And she helped me to fight the last attack on National City with the great L-Cop technology. Without her help I don’t know if I would made it. We all know that Superman has a past with the Luthor family but I would like you to know that she is a good one and that A Super and A Luthor working together is something good. This is a new area. ”_

She smiles at the memory. It was one of the best days of her life. And what she is reading right know has nothing to do with the life she had. She found something about L-Corp, an article where Lean explained her new project. Something about water in Africa where L-Corp were building new structures to give people clean water. And that this gave a lot of money for new schools.

Kara smiles.

“Oh Na’…you finally did it.”

 

She turns the page and see a pic of Lena sitting in the desert wearing big black sunglasses, a big hat, black Vans Slip On and a white tank top with a brown shino bend on the middle of her calves.

 

“Oh Na’ this tank top...it’s mine.” She laughed slowly in tears. “She is so beautiful”, she says to herself while passing her fingers on the photos.

 

It’s a pic of Lena in the desert drinking clean water from the source she just almost made, for villages and people who needed it.

She reads the small interview and can’t stop her tears when she read : “ _Someone once told me “Be your own hero.” So I fight hard to make this project happen. Maybe without this advice I wouldn’t be here_.”

 

                  “ _You were a hero way before I said that.._ ”

 

She presses the magazine on her chest, eyes close, wanting so bad to be Home. The cold hits her. More than usual. She wants to puke. She runs to the bathroom, open the first door she founds and puke. She cries, it hurts so bad. And she feeling sick again. She sat on the floor trying to catch her breath. She can’t walk for now.

Being lay in a coffin for almost one year and a half did not help. Her muscles are weak, her arms are almost useless and she can’t carry anything. The need of sunshine is now an emergency.

Three more trains and she will finally arrive in New York City. Three more train and the worst will be finally done. Once in New York the only thing she has to do is find the L-Corp building and go see Lena. But for now, her trip is not over and she knows that she has to be strong and patient. But it worth the try.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a very bad weather day where they buried her. Lena decided to organized everything with the Superfriends Squad and Kara’s family. Clark was here too, she wanted do to the Krypton’s way. But she could not face the fact to send her body in space forever. It’s the only Krypton tradition she did not done. She could not face it. Being separate forever from Kara was already enough. She can’t handle being physically separate. The President was here, all the important people of the country and the city was here too. People loved Supergirl and they wanted to be here. Except the rude ones from the internet, in the media who puke on her legacy. Lena tried to not think about that.

She decided to buried her in casual clothes, her favorites one. And Lena decided to add Kara’s cape with her with Krypton flag and cling her family’s coast of arms on her cardigan. It was Lena’s favorite one.

Lena did not wanted to exposed the body, except for friends and family. They were private in every way. People knew Supergirl but they did not knew Kara and Lena knew perfectly that Kara did not really liked to be exposed too much, even when it was about L-Corp events. She only did that for Lena.  Because they were a couple. Because they were in love. And because that’s what you do when you support people you love.

The few times Kara tried to speak about this eventuality, the “Supergirl is dead” one, Lena was always angry, refusing to even talk about this, refusing every conversation about that and Kara’s potential testimony.

 

“Lena..you know…now that we have our own house, we need to talk about this.”

“Talk about what Hon’ ?”

“If something happ..”

“Shit…I forgot something in my office…”

"Lena !", called Kara. 

 

Or.

 

“Lena we need to have this conversation !”

“I don’t want to.”

“If something happens to me, so to Supergirl, you have to know what to do.”

“You’re a Kryptonian, don’t say that. Nothing can happen.”

“Lena, it’s an eventuality. The D.E.O doesn’t have all the Kryptonite.”

“Nothing is gonna happen to both of you.”, she answered angry and sad.

“You doesn’t know.”

“We promised a lifetime together. I am not gonna let Death takes you away from me or anyone, okay ? Do you understand. I will not have this conversation with you. Ever. I can’t think about the work because it kills me everytime. Now I have to go.”

 

Or even.

 

“Lena. I write something you need to read and have to sign.”

“Kar’, it’s my only day off this month. Can this just wait ? Can you come back to bed ? ” said Lena her face still deep in her pillow so as her voice.

“Listen…I wrote this thing.”

“What ?”

“It’s my testimony. I’ve wrote one as Kara Danvers and one as Kara Zor-El, like Supergirl. You have to sign it because you the only one that I wrote to.”

 

Lena opened her eyes fully.

 

“What I’ve said about this ? I don’t wanna talk about your death. I can't.”

“But Lena we have to talk about this, we’re married now, I need to keep you safe if something happens, and I don…”

“Tear. Me. That.”

“What ?”

“Tear this. Now.”

“Lena…”

“Tear me that, throw this in the garbage.”

“This is s…”

“Are you listened to me ? Kara tear me that !”

“But Lena this is important.”

“I don’t give a shit. I am not gonna lose you. I already lost too many people. I am not going to lose you. Not you. Not for Supergirl duties, not for saving people, not even for the fucking sun or the fucking moon, I don’t wanna read or sign this fucking papers. It’s not gonna happen. You promised me a fucking life time and we will have this fucking bloody life time together. I love you. Now tear me that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Kara tare the papers and did not spoke about this since this morning where all she done was to take Lena in her arms and the fell asleep again. Lena was angry this morning. Not a cute angry Lena but a L-Corp C.E.O angry way.

But despite this, Lena had to face Kara funerals. Who was coming ? What do eat ? Where does she has to buried her ?  She did not slept for days to prepare all of this, despite Eliza’s advices, Alex and Maggie orders, Barry’s of voice, Winn proposing to help.

Until a mistake from the flowershop arrived and she just could not face it anymore.

 

“I ordered fucking plumeria 2 fucking days ago ? Where are this fucking plumeria ?”

“I am sorry Mrs. Swayer but we don’t have you order…Plumeria will only be available in few days.”

“I am burring my wife you asshole, do you really think that I give a fuck about your incompetence at taking a simple fucking order ?” she said before turn off the phone.

 

This time Alex and Maggie looked at her with pain and concern.

 

“Why does it called you “Swayer” ? I am a Swayer, you’re a Zor-El.”

 

And Lena exploded in tears. And Maggie run to her to hold her.

 

“Because..because now people know who is Supergirl and who I am to Supergirl, and I can’t face the media…I can’t face the media today, I am to tired, to sad and to stress. So I used your name so nobody ask questions…I am sorry I should not have.”

“Eh..eh…shhhh Lee’, it’s okay, I don’t care, use it as much as you want, I don’t care.”, Maggie said against Lena’s hair.

“I can’t do this anymore. I-I…can’t…I can’t breath, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep…even taking a shower is a nightmare….”

“I am here”, she said rocking Lena in her arms. She is in tears but she did not showed. Lena is sad, she can’t be sad.

“She warmed me….she did it I don’t know how many time.”

“About what Lee’?”

“Her and Supergirl being dead. And I did not listen, everytime she brought the subject, I cut her off, I went to work, changed the subject or being mad at her to think about that. I made her tear her testimony when she asked me to read and signed it. I could just not face this possibility. And Now…now she is dead and I did not listened to her.”

 

And she carries on to cry.

 

“Don’t worry about that.”

“Yes, I worry…because I send her away when she needed me to listened. And now…and now I have to face it, everyone has to face it. She thought about the impossible and I send her away. And now…now I don’t know what to do…and all of this fucking funerals organization has to be done…and I don’t know what to do…she loved Plumeria and I can’t even brought Plumeria at her funerals…”

“Shhhh….it’s okay. We will find this flowers. Now, we’re here to help. We’re gonna help you, you’re not alone in this.”

“She die and I did not listened.”

 

Alex’s heart broke once more.

 

She wanted to do it, she wanted to buried Kara properly and peacefully and then… get ready herself for Lex Luthor’s, her older brother, trial.

He took everything from her. The only person who made her feel really warm. She engaged the best lawyers of the country. Of course, she was not ready to face him. To afraid of what she could have done with adrenaline and hate. Like throw herself at him and kill him with everything she could have found, punch him until his last breath, she had a lot of scenarios in her head. But she used violence against him once and she is not a violent Luthor. Once was enough for her and whatever, even if she killed him Kara is still dead. She is the nice and the good one. The one who married a Super. Kara learnt her that. “ _What is a last name anyways ? You can be a Super and a Luthor, a Super-Luthor.”,_ and she kissed her on the cheek. And thanks to Kara, Lena became a Super too.

 

 

 

 

_The day of Kara’s funeral was the saddest day in her life. It was a different pain, different from the day Kara’s heart stopped beating. Because it was her funerals. And funeral means “last goodbye” and “last goodbye” are some fucking pains in the ass. Before it means that it’s definitely over and that people have to move on. But Lena didn’t. She can’t. She won’t. She will not._

_She stayed so much hours with Kara’s body, yelling at everyone who tried to talk to her, saying’ that it was maybe the time to take Kara’s body at the morgue. She yelled at J’onn, she yelled at Winn, Maggie, Barry, Clark, everyone. She was a mess. She just put her head on Kara’s shoulders and suddenly was aware of all the machine who tried to linked her with life. But she heard it, she heard the last beat of her heart and in a gesture of anger she pulled out all the pipes, all the perfusions of Kara’s body, throwing them on the ground and fall on her kneels and put her head on the hospital bed against the dead body. On her kneels, just like Kara did 27 hours ago. And she let the tears covered her face, yelling at Life, yelling at her Brother, her mother and her entire family. Yelling at Kara to not have told her she was going to fight Lex and her own, yelling at Kara stupid surrender. She was angry and sad and it was dangerous. Dangerous for her and for the other. Because at this moment, she wasn’t aware that she lost all the good odds of her humanity, decided to go hunting Lex and take him to the D.E.O like a fucking hunted animal. But for now, she was crying yelling at Kara to wake up._

_Barry knocked on the door._

_“Eh Leelee’, it’s me”, he tried to say with his broken voice. He cried too. Kara was one of his bestfriend._

_“Get out. Leave me alone. I will not leave her.”_

_“I am not here for that…t-take your time Leelee’, I won’t force you to speak, or to say to calm down because it’s a non sense right now. But if you need anything, if you need to punch somebody or just talk…I am behind the door, okay ?”_

_“The only person I need to punch to death is this fucking bastard. My own fucking disgusting blood.”, she said with a cold voice her head still laying on Kara chest._

_She did not mean to speak to Barry like that. He was sad and exhausted too. But “Leelee” was one of his closest friend too and he knew that it was her anger and her sorrow speaking. So he slowly walk to her and kissed her head, “I am right here, “ he whispered and took step back and slowly closed the door, laying his back on it and let himself slip up until he was sitting on the floor, his head in his hands crying the lost of his best-friend and the sadness of the other one. He cried silently until J’onn saw him, sat beside him and wrapped him strongly in his arms,_

_“You did everything you could Little Man. She knows this, wherever she is now. I promise you she knows this.”_

_“But it was not enough” said Barry crying louder in J’onn’s arms._

_“It was enough. We weren’t lucky. But you came from the other side of the universe when Lena contacted you. You knew you could maybe die from the trip and you came anyway. I don’t know if another person can do that for a friend.”_

_“Exactly. I did it because she was my friend and because she did the same for me. Twice.”_

_“I am here Little Man.” J’onn said, rocking Barry quietly._

_She was beautiful, even in the death. Lena could not stop looking at the Kryptonite bullets. And she felt it. She felt the anger, the envy of revenge, the dangerous calm invaded her heart and there was it. She closed her eyes, her head still on Kara chest and the cold invaded her entirely. She was still crying but only because of Kara’s death. She knew that when she will get out of this room something will change. Her heart will freeze until she found Lex. Until she found him and take her revenge. Because she is a Luthor after all. And a Luthor knows how to take revenge, a Luthor knows how to clean shit and first of all…a Luthor know how to make this in a Luthor way._

_She closed her eyes again and breathed Kara’s smell, tears fell on their own on her cheeks. It was a mix of her perfume, of the smell of their sheets, Lena’s one and the smell of their home. It’s smell like home. Not the one with a roof, walls and windows, but Home. Kara was her Home too. It was like she was just asleep in dirty clothes. It was like she was about to woke up from a minute to the next. But she didn’t. She did not woke up that day._

_“Wake up…please wake up…do it, do it for me.”, Lena whispered against Kara’s chest._

_She sat up and put her forehead against Kara’s. And she felt it, again, the cold. Kara’s skin was cold. Cold like the snow she loved so much. Because “Lena there is no snow on Krypton, how can’t you not be amaze by snow everytime ?”, she smiled sadly and was now aware that Kryptonian skin became colder quicker than Human one. It was the first time that she felt the cold on Kara’s skin. Everytime she touched it, it was a warm feeling, an amazing feeling of security, of safety. And it broke her heart, one more time, because for the first time ever since she met her, she felt the cold. Kara was never cold, in all points. Never. You could not associate this word with Kara Danvers._

_And the anger came. A different kind of anger. The one she never felt before, an anger for Kara._

_“You had no right.”, she started to whisper. “It was not supposed to happened like this. You had no right. You made a promise. You made a promise in front of everyone ! You even told it in fucking Kryptonian so did I”_

_Tears were now fully back and she lose control. And slap Kara chest with her fist screaming to her to wake up._

_“YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DIE WITHOUT ME !”_

_Second hit._

_“YOU HAD NO RIGHT.”_

_Third hit._

_“YOU ARE THIS FUCKING SUPERGIRL, YOU CAN’T DIE. YOU’RE MINE SO YOU CAN’T DIE WITHOUT ME ! WE MADE A PROMISE, WE MADE A PACT !”_

_It never happened to her. Ever. Losing control. A Luthor does not lose control. A Luthor keeps her shits together. And has to keep her insanities to herself. A Luthor is a Luthor to herself. Just like her mother told her. A Luthor has to be sane to think. A Luthor does not lose control. A Luthor does not cry. A Luthor have no feels, no emotions around people. And now she was crying, screaming, yelling. Now the Zor-El she has from Kara took all the space in her heart. And Maggie opened the door and throw herself against her, hearing Lena like this was too munch pain, it brook her heart, taking her in her arms. Lena’s kneels cracked and she almost fell on the floor in Maggie’s arm. And she cried. She cried so much against Maggie’s chest. She screamed so much against Maggie’s chest. And she hit Maggie’s chest with her fists, Maggie did not said anything, letting Lena did it. She couldn’t felt the pain anyway, she was a mess too,_ _so it did not matter to her. She rocks Lena in her arms, trying to rock her. But Lena carried on to scream in pain._

_“It’s unfair.”, she couldn’t stop repeat. “It’s so unfair. She had no right. She should have told me, told us. She die alone.”_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's funerals flashback and Lena's speech in front of the National City's citizens.

_“I am gonna kill him. I am gonna kill this fucking bastard with my bare hands. I am gonna cut his fucking throat with my bare hands and he will beg for pity, IM GONNA SHOT HIM IN EVERY PART OF HIS BODY JUST LIKE HE DID ! I AM GONNA KILL THIS BASTARD ! I WANNA SEE HIM HURT ! I AM GONNA KILL HIM ! HE WILL BEG ME FOR PITY !”_

* * *

_The day of the funeral was quiet. Everything in town was closed. People were mourning Supergirl’s death. But Lena, family and friends were mourning Kara Danvers’ one. Kara the wife, Kara the sister, Kara the daughter, Kara the friend._

_Lena was sitting on their bed wearing black clothes with House of El coast of arms on her dress. She was looking around her. Almost nothing changed in their house. Since the day Kara was missing she did not really came back home. She was mostly at the D.E.O or at Alex and Maggie’s house, trying to find Kara and stop Lex._

_And nothing changed. The same sheets where Kara has her last night, Kara’s almost empty glass of water on her nightstand with tons of empty snacks on the floor, even her glasses, her pj’ and the newspaper. It was like she was about to come back home. But she never did. It was like she was still there, taking a shower in the bathroom or workout in their gym room, the last door of their big corridor. But no. Lena was alone last night, holding as strong as she could Kara’s pillows. It smells like her. The amazing smell of her hair. And Lena cried all night long._

_She is sitting in silence. Waiting. But what ? She already should be in the living room getting ready to Kara’s funeral. The morning is about to be long. This morning is Supergirl’s tribute. The president of the United States is going to be here and all the important people of the country and National City. And she is not ready. She does not want shake hands all day long, listening people she does not know, she does not care about, she is already fed up and angry. She just want to be alone. She does not want hear the nice thing this guys will say about Supergirl. Because Lena didn’t fell in love with Supergirl she fell in love with Kara Danvers, the junior reporter, who rambling, who blushed every time Lena was talking and who ate way to much. Even if of course, she logically was in love with Supergirl. She loves this side of Kara and sometime it was nice to see Kara through her, and vice versa._

_“I know it’s going to be boring, painful but…people love…loved Supergirl, it’s important to them, and to the country. I will be with you all day long, I will help you and support you, okay ? You’re not alone in it with all this people that I already hate too. I will hold your hand all day, okay ? We’re a team. It’s going to be okay, and if something is wrong, if you’re unconfortable with someone, I will take care of this and take care of you okay ? It’s stupid I know but try to eat and try to sleep.”, says Cat on the phone the night before._

_“Yes…I know…thank you Cat.”_

_“I’ll always be there Lena.” And she hang off the phone._

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Alex, Maggie, Eliza, and the Superfriends were at the door._

_Lena stood up and walked to the door and opened it. And it hit her. It hit her so fucking hard. Right to the heart. Seeing them was too painful and she couldn’t stand it. She can’t see them anymore. Everytime she sees them Kara is in their eyes ad she can’t carry on._

_“Lee’? Are you okay ?”asked Winn._

_“Well...I..I-I..”_

_She shacked her head._

_“Yes. Let’s do this I need this to be over as soon as possible.”_

_And she carried on the day. She can’t remember how much hands she shaked that day, or how many “I am sorry, she was amazing.”, blehblehbleh and bullshites she couldn’t handle. The worst part was when she was called as “Supergirl’s wife” and not Kara Danvers’ one. “I married Kara Danvers. Supergirl was her job”, she tought everytime. This thing hurt her more than she would have expected. She walked in National City’s biggest street with Kara coffin in a car, surrounded by her family and friends. The day after, media and newspapers compared this to the John F. Kennedy’s funeral, and Lena as Jackie. Lena wasn’t very happy with that, but when she read the articles, it was a bit true even if it was not her intention to make something like this. There were speech’s. Cat made one, Clark as Superman made one and the President too. And Lena had to do one too. Because now, everybody knew that Kara Danvers, Lena’s wife was Supergirl and everybody wanted to hear what Lena has to say to Supergirl’s fans. So she did it._

_She walked to the mic without any speech written on a piece of paper. She just talked and said the words like they arrived in her mouth._

_“I am the last to speak and to be honest with you I don’t want to do this. I didn’t prepared anything. So you will just have to take this words like this….me speaking and trying to be coherent. I am sorry. This past few days were hard. I know that a lot of you right now hate me, I am perfectly aware, and I know that some hands I shake today were not as nice as their owners were, yes it’s call being a hypocrite. I am not stupid. I know how to read and I read a lot of mean stuff on the media. Know that your hate is stupid. And for those who hate aliens, or hate people different from them, you’re stupid too. I am not afraid to say that in front of everyone, because I am not the only one to think the same. And to the one who wrote hate about my friends, about my family about Kar- Supergirl, you don’t worth anything. You can’t just send free hate when you obviously have no fuc – ideas of what you’re talking about. Some of you hate me because my brother took your superhero. And I am sorry for that. But my brother took my wife. He took my wife. And she die in front of me and all this people behind me. Do you really believe that I have something to do with this ? You’re just stupid. He took my wife and it kills me every time I breath, every time I close my eyes. And I won’t let my hate against you taint and rot the life that I had with her. Not a single little memory will taint because of your hate. I am trying so hard to make my last name something good for for this city. For you, citizens of National City. And when Supergirl was missing I fought with this people behind me...”_

_She turned to show Alex, J’onn, Eliza, Barry, Maggie, Cat, James, Clark, Lois, Lucy, Diana and everyone who fought so hard to find Lex._

_“Alexandra Danners, Hank Henshaw, Eliza Danvers, Barry Allen, Maggie Sawyer, Cat Grant, James Olsen, Clark Kent, Lucy Lane, Diana Prince, Elizabeth Sloane…I fought with them because they knew that me – A Luthor – can be someone good because they trust me. They’re my friends and my family. And I know that I am a good person. And if only this people behind me think that, well...guess what ? It’s perfectly enough for me. So the question you all wondering right now is “What ?” “What did she said to her brother when they find him ?”. And I am gonna answer to that…I ask him the same thing “Why ?” because I was as lost as you are. And when I read this sh-nonsenses about Supergirl’s fault about all the dead people, all the destroyed building I was so mad. I was, and I am still so mad at the media, and maybe at you too. You know why ?”_

_Her voice started to broke._

_“Because she gave her life for you. She die so you can live. She die so you can still continue your life. Raising your children, drinking your morning coffee, jogging in the parks, enjoying the view from the beach, loving your love ones. She sacrificed herself for the city. She die on her kneels for you. She die in pain so you can love in peace. She received seven bullets on her chest. Seven. And you, the bad part of National City, the disgusting medias, the haters, the jealous, should be ashamed of yourself because guess what ? You did not deserve her sacrifice. You don’t deserve this seven bullets. How many time she came home in pain, how many time she suffered, how many time she made hard decisions for you, to saved you ? You have no ideas. And maybe me too. And to all those paparazzi’s who stalked us, me and my family, in the streets and even in our home to have a perfect picture of “The Broken Super Family”, know that Supergirl, your presume heroes would have hate you for this. I have no respect for you.”_

_She paused a few seconds._

_“Now I am gonna speak to the one who supported us, those you send positives vibes, messages. The amount of drawings I received at my office from children melt my heart and gave me the energy to speak to you today, speak to them. To the new generation.To speak to all this little boys and girls who admired Supergirl, who find in Kara a role model, because she was one. She was an example of good. She was mine too. All this time she took pictures with you, every time you said that she was a good thing for the city, every children who told her that she was their super heroes, that the aliens were welcome in our town, all the “Supergirl I want to be like yu when I grow up”, she was so proud. She was so proud and could not stop smiling for days. And I saw that, me as a witness, all this little girl wearing capes, all this little boys wearing capes too playing Superman and Supergirl. Thanks to this people, thank you from from the bottom of my heart. Thanks to the people who helped us to find Lex Luthor, all this firemen, this policemen, every paramedics, everyone who fight in the city to protect you, she made a sacrifice too. She was proud to live on Earth, proud to be accepted by us, Humans. And I will not let the bad people spitting on her memory, on who she was and who she was about to become. As a reporter, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife and as an alien. And she sacrificed her, she gave her life for this. For all this smiles, all this sparkles in children eyes, all this hope that our generation have to give. To live together, Humans and Aliens. To work together, to do together and to love together. That why I was so proud to be her wife. A Super and a Luthor is a good match. You can’t only focus on the bad. Because the bad belongs to the past. And I am here, as a present proof that we can live together and I am not the only one. Superman is a proof too. You accepted him long before Supergirl arrived on Earth. So why not carry on ? Why send hate ? Because as much as I can remember it’s a human who killed, not an alien. It’s someone from Human race. And I want to thanks every people who believe than Humans and Aliens is a good match, thanks them with all my heart, I want to say to them to not lost hope. To enjoy the chance to be alive, to enjoy this chance to do good things, even if it does not word on the first try. Supergirl did not saved everybody on the first try. Take this chance and do the right things. Honor the sacrifice she made so she’s not dead for nothing. Thanks for your attention.”_

_She went back between Alex and Cat. Barry was behind her, his arms wrapped around her shoulders, he kissed her temple and she took his hand and Maggie hold Lena’s other. She was crying and there was a killer silence in National City. She was right all her speech. Everyone knew this. And it happened. People applauded her. And made so much noise. They clapped their hand, screamed kind words and her name. This warm audience covered the bad one who still yelled shits against Lena and Supergirl._

_The rain started to fall when the soldiers shoot in the sky when the coffin started to be burred. Lena did not have an umbrella that day. But she did not care. She did not even noticed. She did not even blench once when they shoot in the sky. Not once._

_“EL Mayarah”, she whispered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena's reunion will be update very soon, I am working on my drafts !
> 
> Thanks for the nice and kind feedback, it always appreciated and always welcome every time, :).


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is getting closer to Home and Lena remembers when she left National City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song of the flashback : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jagBu2bqI7c . 
> 
> Thanks again for the nice feedback, the kudos, the hits, the comments....please continue, it always makes me smile ! :).

Nobody really saw Lena since that day. Except once because she couldn’t said “ _No_.” to Eliza. It was at the last Thanksgiving and Eliza asked her to come to Midvale and to not be worry of going to National City because she organized the dinner in her town on purpose. But it was the last thing that Lena wanted : try to smile, seeing people, having conversations with people, talk about her days, talk about New York City, and asking questions to her family as well. Not that she did not care but she just can’t has real conversations. She just can’t. She was kind of scared to has those conversations. So scared because she did not wanted to tell them the true. She did not want them to know that she doesn’t live or exist, that she stays like 15 hours per day at the office to drown her solitude, her pain and Kara’s absence in work. That she practically doesn’t go outside and spent the free time he has in her penthouse. But deep in her heart she missed them. She missed them so much. But it’s been months. Months without conversations, months without seeing them. She just can’t. But it does not mean that she doesn’t missing them, that she doesn’t think about them and wants to see them.

The funerals were the day that she announced that she wanted to leave the city and go. Leaving far away from National City. She found a penthouse in a high tower in New York, that she wanted to leave as soon as possible and let the life she has behind. Because it was too much pain. The kind of pain who destroys, who break hearts and leave a hole that is impossible to fill. And her heart couldn’t handle this anymore. The pain broke everything. So when they came back from the cemetery, she just told it. She told it like the word leave her mouth, without preparation, without pre-fabricated sentence. She let the words came on their own.

 

“I am leaving.”

“What ?”, they said all together.

“I found a penthouse in New York City. I am gonna move.”

“What t…”, starts Maggie.

“I bought it. I am leaving.”

“But Lena..”, tried Alex.

“I can’t live here anymore. I don’t want to.”

“Why don’t you talk to us ?”

“To avoid the conversation we’re having right now”, she simply said taking a sip of her glass of whiskey.

“But...but why “

“You know why. Come on.”

 

There was a small silence. Everyone perfectly knew why she leave. But they had to ask “Why ?”, they needed to hear it. She pours her glass one more time.

 

“The funerals are over. I am fed up with the medias so I am gonna go somewhere, a peaceful place where they won’t find me, until Lex’s trial. Except this, I have nothing to do here. I can’t stay here.”

“But L-Corp, your hospital, all your projects, us ? What about us ?”

“I will just move L-Corp headquarter too. Keeping the National City one to I-don’t-know-what yet.”

 

She was so calm, it was terrifying.

 

“You can’t leave. You can’t leave us.”

“I don’t leave you. I am protecting myself.”

“You can’t protecting yourself by leaving far away from your family. We’re a team !”

“You’re in pain. You lost your sister. I am in pain. I lost my wife. Everyone deal with pain in a different way. Mine is to be far away.”

“Honeys…please don’t fight, please…”asked Eliza.

“We don’t have a fight Mom. I am just trying to understand why I am about to lost my other sister.”said Alex sarcastically.

“You know what ? Fine. I am gonna explain my fucking self. Close your eyes for few seconds and imagine a world without Maggie in it.”

“What ?”

“Do it ! For fuck’s sake !”

 

And Alex did.

 

 “Now, Imagine mornings without her, games night without her, summer holidays without her, rainy night without her, your motorcycles long rides without her, your favorite movie without her, sick days, nights without her, sad days without her, Saturday nights without her. Life without her. Now tell me how does it feels ? Ugh ? Are you happy right now ? Are you serene ? I just lost my wife. The person I thought I was stay the rest of my life with, having children and all this bullshites. And now I have to deal with the fact that all this things will not happen. Ever. I will never have children, ‘cause I refuse to have children now, I only waned them with Kara. I will never be happy again, I will never love again, because I made a promise to Kara and that I am fucking madly in love with her. So yes ! Yes ! I need to go away for awhile, I need to deal with the fact that this things will never happen to me. I need to be prepare to a life with her, which means without happiness. Because it’s like giving me food when I am thirsty. Yes, I am rich, I am famous but I don’t have her anymore, so what’s the point?  I need to understand that my own fucking blood murdered my wife and that despite everything nothing will delete the fact that he is my brother. That we share the same domed blood. I need to be alone. And to accept the fact that my Humanity is gone now. I need some rest with this fucking paparazzis. I need to prepare myself for the trial that I have the intention to win and watch this bastard hit the ground with his teeth. I need to be alone, do you understand that ? And don’t you dare to think that I am leaving because I don’t love you or I-don’t-know what other bullshit. Love has nothing to do with that. The love I feel for you Alex, and the love I feel for ALL of you have nothing to do with that.”

“Girls…it was a hard day…we’re all under tension…tomorrow is another day...we will sleep and talk about it.”

“We can fight it, you know Lee’ ? We can help each other and get through this together. Both of us, together. You’re my sister too.”

 

Lena is almost crying. But she doesn’t do it. She stay calm and almost cold. It’s her only shield.  

 

“But I can’t do this. I can’t stay here. Every time I see your face, I see her, and it kills me. It kills me so so so slowly. My heart is bleeding. I can’t. And it kills me once more because I wanna stay. I wanna stay with you and every one in this room but I can’t. Without Kara I can’t.”

 

And she did. She took a plane the day after. Somewhere on Earth where nobody had find her. She went somewhere in mountains where she bought a house years ago when she became a C.E.O. She stayed there for days with Krypto. And she did not answer the phone for days too. She couldn’t. She just walked in the snow with Krypto, she read and work and tried to sleep more than two hours per nights. And she came back to National City for Lex’s trial. She was ready. She gave the last pieces of energy she kept for this days. And she did it. She fought like a wild lion at the court with her lawyer, Madeline Sloane. A friend from boarding school who became one of the best lawyer of the country. And all this little girls and boys wearing capes with the House of El symbol gave her the last thing she did not bring with her, hope. All she brought with her at the trial was revenge and rage. And the children and all the little things that people put on the walls in front of the tribunal gave her that, hope. A little girl went to see her, pulled on her black skirt, smiled to her, gave a drawing and walked away to her Mom without saying a word. It was a drawing of her and Kara with a note “ _Thanks u Lena and Supergirl becauz you saved the town. Lily.”._ Lena’s heart melt and she smiled to the little girl’s mother and said without a sound “ _Thank You_ ”, the mother smiled and turn on her car. Lena delicately put the drawing in her bag. And entered in the tribunal with her lawyers.

Everyone was there. Barry, Maggie, Alex, J’onn, Clark, James, Winn, Cat, Diana, everyone.

And she fought, she fought with the last humanity left in her, to finally disappear once they announced Lex’s sentence : the rest of his life in jail.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kara missed the second train. She fell asleep on the chair she was sat on, the CatCo magazine still on her chest. The sun starts to wake up and there is more people than this night in the train station. She deep breaths and tries to not panic because this missing train changes her plans to go to New York City.

The next train is in two hours, then she has to change to take another. If everything is okay, she will be in New York tomorrow night. The hardest thing will be to find Lena’s home. She lays on her seat a bit longer and once she sees the suns rises in the sky, she decides to sat outside and enjoy the sun, try to get better with his rays. She still can use her powers but she is hopefull. Once Lena by her sides again, the D.E.O, J’onn and her sister will take care of her. She needs this so much. So she just tries to stay positive, thinking about Lena, about Alex, her friends and family. Soon everything will be alright. This can’t be otherwise. It can’t. She belongs to Lena’s heart and side. She promised her, she promised a lifetime with her. They can’t be separate. They can’t be separate from each other. They made a pact, she knows this and Lena knows this.

So just like Lena does for almost one year and a half, she starts to daydreaming. A little boy just passed in front of her with a Stormtrooper tee and she smiles because it was Lena’s costume for their last Halloween.

 

 

 

_“Honey, I am not gonna dress myself as a poststricker. It’s Halloween not the Food Salon.”_

_“But Naaaa’, potstickers are dope. Your Stromtrooper pyjamas are not enough ? Do you really need to go to Alex’s and Maggie’s party as a stormtrooper ?”_

_“This costume is dope and I bought it at an auction.”_

_“Yes. For 7.000 dollar.”_

_“Well…a girl can treat herself. And for your information, this costume has been used for one of the movie. I have a certificate to proof this. And don’t make me recall yourself that you, Kara Danvers-Luthor, that YOU told me about this auction and that YOU bought yourself the Superman’s cape that Henry Cavill wore during one of the scene in the movie at the same auction.”_

_“To my defense…..I am technically Henry Cavill’s aspiration….so as Clark so….this cape belonged to me by right. I did not even had to pay for it.”_

_“You’re a nerd. I am a nerd. Deal with it Hon’. And make your wife happy and be my Princess Leia.”_

_This time it was Lena’s turn to do the puppy eyes._

_“Fiiiiine.” She says kissing her quickly._

_This night they won the contest of the best costume._

 

Kara smiles at the souvenir looking at her wedding ring and at her Kryptonian bracelet.

She was happy before all this Lex’s mess. They were happy. She knows this. They had and share a happy life. They worked hard and it worked. When a thing was broken, they fixed it. They were happy. And it was unfair to be separate. Her death was unfair. And the collaterals consequences were and are more than that. They were devastating. They were hard and unfair and painful. All this people who suffered for one missing. One death. One body. Her missing. Her death. Her body. Lex had no right.

And he hits her, the sound from the train station speakers. It was a song they, her and Lena, love very much. She shakes her head and concentrate herself to the song. And she smiled almost in tears at the souvenir. One of the last time she heard this song was few months after their wedding.

_“Can’t keep my hands off you”_ by Simple Plan.

 

“Oh Rao...I love this band”, whispers Kara to herself half smiling.

 

She closes her eyes, laying in her seat and let the souvenir invade her head and spirit. Next stop in 5 hours.

 

 

_“Come on Kara, we’re late”, said Lena trying to run in her heels while putting her earing in their bedroom._

_“I know, I know, but who’s fault ? You took too much time in the shower.” answered Kara offended, putting some mascara._

_“I took too munch time ? Are you kidding me ? YOU, Kara Danvers-Luthor, joined me in the shower. YOU kissed me first and YOU begged me for five more minutes.”_

_Kara smiled, shrugging her shoulders, camouflaging her neck, smiling like a little girl._

_“But you liked it…didn’t you ?”_

_Lena looked at her with a serious look._

_“You’re a dork….of course I liked it”, she says, waving her hand in the air, kissing her wife._

_*********_

_Lena is driving and trying to catch their late. Kara is sending texts messages and updating new photos on Supergirl’s Instagram. And Lena turns up the sound speakers of the car. Kara raised her head and smile._

_“I know you love this one.”, simply said Lena driving carefully._

_Lena kissed her on the cheek and Kara started to sing softly, letting her arm outside the car caressing the wind._

_**“…phone calls goes straight throught the voice mail.** _

_**‘Cause on the street, or under the covers** _

_**We’re struck like two pieces of Velcro** _

_**At the park, in the back of my car,** _

_**It don’t matter what I do,** _

_**No, I can’t keep my hands off you.”** _

_Lena put her hand on Kara’s knee and Kara put hers on Lena’s who carried on to drive to the party. They started to kiss at a redlight with the song on the background. Cars honked and Lena went back to drive, Kara still kissing her on the cheek. She sharply turned  the car’s streering wheel._

_“Mmmmh..Na’? What are you doing ?”_

_Lena archly smile without looking at Kara, stopped the car in a small and desert street, pulled on the handbrake. Kara suddenly understood and they loosened their belts at the same time looking in each other eyes. Kara climbed on Lena despite the small space they had in the car and she crashed her lips on Lena’s while this one catched Kara’s hips for my proximity._

_Kara broke the kiss and said :_

_“Na’, we’re gonna be late, do you know that...?” she said laughing, Lena kissing her in the neck._

_“I don’t care.”, she answered starting to unzip Kara’s jeans, “So you do.”_

_Kara nodded unbuttoning Lena’s shirt , smiled and kissed her again with the song playing in the background._

_**“ ‘Cause on the street, or under the covers** _

_**We’re struck like two pieces of Velcro** _

_**At the park, in the back of my car,** _

_**It don’t matter what I do,** _

_**No, I can’t keep my hands off you.”** _

* * *

Kara shakes her head at the memory and dries her tears with the back of her hand. She looks at the clock, her train should arrive soon at the station so she decides to go to the right station dock. The sun is now behind some grey clouds. She is watching the sky.

 

“Oh Rao please help to find my home back.”, she whispers.

 

The train is here. She let people climb and looks at her right and left for controllers. No one. Like she does like last night, the last train, the last seat, almost hiding for more tranquility.

Her hands are starting to tremble. She need heavy food, and sun lamp as soon as possible.

And then, a little hand pulling on her shirt.

 

“Eh”, says Kara trying to smile.

“You look like Supergirl. Do you know Supergirl ? Are you Supergirl ?”

“Hannah, darling, don’t annoy the lady.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry.”

 

Kara’s heart melt.

 

“Eh, thanks. Well…no, I am not Supergirl but I meet her sometimes for my job.”

“What is your job ?”

“I am a journalist and a photographer.”

“I saw her on tv, she looked so cool.”

“She is..was.”

“When the bad man killed her I was sad. My Mom says that she die for the people and that the bad man is in jail now. Mommy says too that Superirl sacrifice means that I have to be a good person, because she gave us a second chance..”

“Your Mom is right. Supergirl’s friends helped the police to put the bad man in jail.”

“The daddy of my friend Oliver says that aliens are bad. But I think that aliens are nicer than us. Superman protect us and Supergirl too. And his dad can’t fly. I think that he is jealous because he can’t fly and Superman and Supergirl can fly. And there is Gardian too now, he is so cool.”

“The important thing is thinking by yourself. And in my opinion, if Supergirl was still here she would love hear you say this kind thing and would give you a high-five.”

“She was my favorite. My friend Wendy says that her favorite singer is Katy Perry. I don’t have a favorite singer, but my favorite person was Supergirl. And Mommy let me light a candle at the city hall for Supergirl when the president announced that the bad man killed her. I cried. And when Mrs. Elizabeth asked us to write about our favorite person, I wrote about Supergirl.”

 

Kara’s heart broke in millions pieces.

 

“I have to go back to Mommy. Bye Supergirl’s friend !”,announces the little girl waving her hand.

“Bye Hannah.”, says Kara softly.

 

The little girl hugs her mother.

 

“I will thank this little Hannah when I will be back on duties.”, she thinks.

 

Suddenly, her chest burns her. She closes her eyes.

 

“If I survive.”

 

 

She fell asleep easily on her seat, the lack of food and sun was a torture and all she can do is sleep. So she does.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 Part I. 
> 
>  
> 
> Lena finally told to Alex and Maggie the other reason of her departure from National City and Kara is getting closer and closer to Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part of Chapter 10. 
> 
> The Supercorp reunion is getting closer. Thanks for the nice feedback, please continue ! :). 
> 
> Next Chapter will be about new flashback, Lex's Trial, Lena's revenge and Kara last step to New York City. 
> 
> Find me here : http://www.sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup.tumblr.com .

3am. Lena can’t sleep. She still thinking about the conversation she had with Alex and Maggie.

There are things that she does not tell. Things she did not told to them. But she is hiding a secret. A very dark and painful one. She decided to doesn’t told anyone because Kara’s death was enough. It was way enough and nobody needed to suffer more. So she just locked her mouth, put this in a hidden part of her brain and her heart and she carried one to live like this. But this night she couldn’t hide it anymore. It was Alex and Maggie after all, her sister-in-law but sister anyway and her best friend. They have to know. So she takes her phone and presses Alex’s number.

 

One ring is enough for Alex to pick up her phone.

 

“Lena ! Are you alright ? Is everything is okay ?” she says in a sleepily but quick and concern voice.

 

But Lena is stuck, the only thing that Alex can hear is Lena's breath.

 

“Lena ? Are you t-…”

 

And she suddenly says.

 

“I lost the baby, you know ?”

“What are you saying ?”

“I lost the baby the night she die.”

 

Alex turns on the light and sit properly on her bed. Maggie opens her eyes, sees Alex on the phone, and knows immediately that the person she is talking with is Lena. So she sit next to Alex and presses her head against her wife’s and listen the conservation.

 

“The baby ? What baby ? Lena...wh….”

“I was pregnant when he transformed National City in chaos. She did not know yet. I wanted to tell her in a nice way. But she leave the house that day and I never saw her alive again.”

 

                  There is a little silence. Maggie covers her mouth, in tears. Lena was cold with absolutely no tears and all in control. Her sentences and her tone are clear, direct and almost disconnect from feels.

 

“We were talking about making a family all the time. We wanted children. We wanted little Super babies. I was so madly in love with her. I wanted to do everything with her. She was the only person who could gave me that.”

 

“Lena…why—w-why you did not said anything ?”

 

Lena continues to speaks avoiding Maggie’s question.

 

“Adopt, make or whatever was possible for us was good. We just wanted children. Or one children to start at least. And she spoke about how Kryptonian people were making babies and have legacy. But I am human. So I made some researches. And find that we could have a biological baby with both of ours DNA. I was so happy when Eliza told me that it was possible for us. That it worth the try. So I did it. I wanted to surprise Kara. Like normal couples do…

“Non sense Luthor, you were a normal couple.”, says Maggie.

“Stop it. We weren’t. She was Supergirl and I was the last Luthor standing. We were everything but normal even if we loved each other.”

 

Another silence.

 

“And it worked. I was pregnant few weeks after. It was one of the best day of my life.”

 

Silence.

 

“And he came back and ruined everything and I couldn’t been happy with anyone.”

 

“Lena...w…”

 

 

“I felt it. The pain was so big that I felt my baby’s life left me. It left me when she did. She let out her last breath and it was so painful that few hours after I felt his or her life left me. The baby came join Kara.”

“Lena why you didn’t said anything ? We could have help you, be there for you.”, Alex was a mess of tears.

“No. No one could helped. Nothing could stop the pain. Everyone had to deal with their own grief. So did you.”

“But Lena, I am your sister for fuck’s sake. It was my fucking role to help you, be here for you.”, Alex said half mad and half sorry.

“No. Your role was to recovered and carry on to haunt the bad guys. Mine was to try to deal with the fact that Kara never knew that she was about to have a family.”

 

Alex can’t stop the tears. Maggie doesn’t say anything, she just fixes a point somewhere in their bedroom.

 

“That day you asked me why I was about to leave the city. Lost the last piece of humanity in me was a reason too. This very last piece was our baby. Now you know. I have to go, I am sorry…Bye.”

“But Lee’...can we…”

 

It’s too late, Lena already hang off the phone. And she throw herself between Maggie’s arms.

 

“I am a bad sister. Kara did not told me about Lex’s ultimatum and Lena did not talked about this.”

“You’re not. You’re the best sister. They just wanted to protect you.”

“But I don’t need to be protect. I need her to be okay, I need her to know that I am here for whatever she needs.”

“I know…”

“You’re her bestfriend and she did not told you either.”

“I think that it’s more complicated than that. Kara wasn’t know that Lee’ was pregnant….so maybe...maybe with us not knowing was like she never been pregnant for her or…or-or not told us was like…like not betraying Kara, you know…if Kara did not knew, we can’t, you see ?”

 

Alex doesn’t not answer.

 

“Hold me.”, she askes.

 

And she does.

 

“She’s your bestfriend, I know she misses you too.”

 

* * *

 

 

_The first time that talked about that was in Kara’s car. She was driving. And weirdly, there were no music in the speakers. They were silent but it was a peaceful and comfortable silence. Kara just let her hand on Lena’s knee and rubbed her thumb on it and Lena covered it with her right hand and gently caressed Kara’s neck with her other hand. The green light turned to red and she stopped the car. The silence was still between us but they smiled to each other before looking back in front of them._

_Few seconds of silence later Kara said something._

_“Let’s make a baby.”, said Kara few seconds of silence later still looking on the road._

_“What ?”_

_“Let’s make a family.”_

_“Well..I-I..”_

_“You want this as much as me.”_

_“Yes. Yes, of course Honey, but we barely talked about this…don’t we have to talk about this more ? How do it ? When ? Where ?”_

_“We don’t need to speak about this for hours. We married since two years, I am so in love with you and I presume that if it’s been two years that you’re in love with me too…or maybe you stay with me for my abs.”_

_“Eh ! Don’t say that, I like them but I love you, you dork !”, says Lena half laughing._

_“The point is that…the point is that I love you and I wanna have a family with you because you’re the only person with who I wanna do it. You’re my ride or die and I wanna have a family to have a big ride or die team. A little Super Luthor Team with Krypto ! And with your genetic this kid will be everything except bad, villain or evil.”_

_Lena’s heart melt._

_“I don’t think about this since days but an appropriate moment in our couple is very rare sometimes, so yes…I said that like that but that does not means that I don’t mean it.”_

_“Oh…Honey…”, said Lena turning to face Kara and wrapped her hands around her face._

_She kissed her. She kissed her so, so, so softly._

_“Of course I wanna have a family with you. Super mini kids floating around the house, making science with me and adoring you and alter-ego, running with little red capes in the house. I think about this everytime. I dream about that all the time. And even if our kids won’t or couldn’t have super powers like yours, who cares ? They will be ours kids. And it can’t be more perfect as long as I have them with you.”_

_Kara smiled like she probably never did before._

_“So yes… let’s make a baby” said Lena crying of happiness._

_They hugged each other and the cars behind them honking so loud that Kara honked once too while starting the car again, Lena still in her arms._

* * *

 

                  “M’am ?”

 

No answer.

 

“M’am ?”, the voice asks again.

 

She opens her eyes, it’s a tortured, she was asleep deeply.

 

“Yes ? What is it ?”

“Ticket control M’am. Can I see yours ?”

 

                  She starts to panic in her head and the only solution she can find is lying.

 

“Oh..yes…sorry…someone stole my bad and my suitcases…and I have to be in New York City as soon as possible.”

“Someone stole your bags ?”

“Yes…no phone, no tickets, no clothes…they stole everything at the station.”

“Are you sure ? Are you lying to me ?”

“No I am not Sir. I have a very bad and rough day I am exhausted and I have to be in New York City as soon as possible.”

“For what ?”

“Hum…a conference. I am a journalist and I represent my magazine. It’s very important.”

“Do you need help ? A phonecall or I don’t know ? I can let you in the train, you seems very tired.”

“Oh Rao..than..”

“What ?”

“Thank a lot…really.”

“I am gonna print you a ticket to New York City and if controllers ask you your ticket again, just show them this and you won’t have trouble. I normally have to ask you to go out from this train as the next stop..but…”

“Thanks a lot, really.”, says Kara.

“Can I have your name ?”

“Well…Swayer…Iris Swayer.”

 

                  The man gave her the ticket and leave. And she finally let the little panic attack that jus happened back and go back to sleep. Two trains left and she will be in the Big Apple. Each miles mean getting closer and closer to Lena and if everything is fine, tomorrow night Nice York City could be the last step of her journey. She safely put the ticket in her pocket and lays on her seat watching the night passing trough the window and she daydreaming again playing with her wedding ring.

 

                  She remembers the day Lena and her got engaged. It was a shitty weather in National City, a big thunderstorm in the sky with heavy rain and thunders mixed with ligthnings.

 

_“No Kara you will NOT fly with this weather, period.”_

_“But Lena, if you wrap yourself in my cap we could be at the party at time.”_

_“No negotiation Honey. We will take a cab.”_

_“Fine.”_

_They arrived at the restaurant in time where everybody was already sit around a big table. It was Cat’s birthday and everyone was invited. It was a nice time and everyone enjoy the dinner. When people started to come home Lena and Kara was the last to leave when Cat finally entered in her cab._

_“Well..babe, we’re the last. Did you call a cab ?”_

_Lena covered her mouth with her hand._

_“Don’t tell me your forgot…”_

_“I maaaybe forget…”_

_“Naaaa’ ! It’s too late now, and we won’t wake Mitch up at such a hour !”_

_“I know…but, I have an idea.”_

_“No flying…I don’t wear my suit you aske me not to.”_

_“Let’s walking. There is not thunder anymore.”_

_“…it’s raining hard outside…”_

_“So what ? Let’s make a “Singing in the rain” reboot.”, she says laughing going out side._

_Kara smiled and followed her._

_“Lena Luthor…you’re really something.’, she thought._

_They walked in the rain and their hair were a mess but they smiled and laughed at their suddenly “let’s walk home in the rain” decision. Lena put her coat on their head and they kissed as they walked. Her way of walking fast with heels was divine and suddenly Kara stopped to walked and watched her walking in the rain. Her hair were wet but her make up was waterproof so she stayed beautiful in Kara’s eyes. And even if her make up wasn’t waterproof…it could have been the same. She was beautiful._

_Kara loved these little things. These littles stolen moments were she was just Kara and where Supergirl was in the background. When these little moments with Lena was the best things she ever experienced on Earth. Every breakfast where they just drink coffee while Lena reads the newspaper and Kara read a book. When they brush their teeth in their bathroom next to each other and when Kara kisses Lena on the cheek her mouth full of toothpaste, every heads on shoulders while they watch a movie, when Lena leave her hair in the bath after a shower. When she takes her sweater on her days off at home, when she kisses her and tastes like potstickers. When she drinks beers watching the Surf World Championship and yelling at the enormous screen because Bethany Hamilton did not finished well the wave or when Ezekiel Lau has been qualify for the next step. She loved every moment. But her favorite part of the day was bedtime. Just before turning off the light and just after, when they’re looking for a comfortable position to sleep and where they’re always end in each other arms. Lena in Kara’s neck and Kara wrapping Lena in her arm. The small talks and soft and nice kisses who follow after were her favorite moment of the day. And before closing her eyes she always, always kissed Lena on her forehead, enjoying soft skin perfumed with Chanel night cream. And she wanted all this little moment for the rest of her life. She wants to walk in the rain with Lena for the rest of her life._

_So yes, when she saw her walking in the rainy National City, with her dark wet hair, she just stopped to walk and watch her with a wild and happy smile and she said :_

_“Marry me.”_

_Lena turned back on her._

_“What did you said ? Why did you stopped walking ? We’re almost home.”, said Lena smiling in the rain._

_“I said “Marry me.””._

_Lena stared to walk on her direction, she did not said anything but she was sliming and Kara saw the tears on her cheek despite the rain._

_She put her hand in a pocket in her handbag._

_“I have this since few weeks. I wanted to ask you since Eliza gave me this but I was too scared to hear you say “No.” but you’re so beautiful right now in the rain with your wild and wet her, and I am in love with you and I am in love with all this little moments, everytime I kiss you “Goodnight”, everytime I kiss you “Good morning”. Everytime you’re mad at me for not clean the coffee table of its pizza boxes. I fall in love with every morning when you’re getting ready for work, when you put your make up your hair still in the towel. I fall in love with you everytime your put your cold feet against me when we’re in our bed, when you take the last potstickers, when your sing with me on Disney movie, or when we having a fight about “Games of Throne” theories,  I fall in love with your each time you ask me to hold your nail polish so you don’t have to lean every time on the coffee table to plunge the brush. And I want to carry on to fall in love with you every day, fall in love with you and all this little you do who make who you are and a part of why I’ve fell in love with you. Marry me Lena.”_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night they found Kara with proposal flashback and first dance at their wedding one. 
> 
> Next one will be Lex's trial, Lena's revenge and Kara in New York City. `
> 
> The chapter reunion is getting closer and closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the nice feedback, kudos, comments and kindness, it always, always, make me smile, :).  
> Please continue !
> 
> You can find me here on Tumblr @sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup .

_“Eliza gave us her grandmothers’ rings. I mean…back on krypton there were no rings but bracelets, but I like this Earth and Human tradition. One for me and one for Alex. Alex already gave the one she had for Maggie…and of course you know you were at the wedding with me. She meets her person and married her. And I realized that you’re mine...I mean not “mine” mine but…you know what I am trying to say…but I’ve realized you’re my person the day I met you. And together we did amazing things…I am Supergirl and you’re a Luthor, the good Luthor, you’re so kind, and generous, and always trying to do good things…you made me a better person...I mean a better alien.”_

_Lena laughed in tears._

_“I am lost without you and I am just a half of myself just by thinking about this. And it will be a shame to let this ring without you within…so please Na’…will you marry me ?”_

_Lena let her coat fell on the floor and thrown herself in Kara’s arms._

_“I thought you would never ask.” She whispered._

_“Is that a “Yes.”.”_

_“Of course is that a “Yes.”, of course I want to marry you.”_

_She kissed her, Kara lifted her up in the air, holding her by the hips and spinning her in the air. The rain always falling. And suddenly, their feet leave the ground and they were floating._

_Dark forehead against blond one, green eyes meeting blue ones, they couldn’t leave each other gaze. And Kara whispered softly._

_“We’re going to get marry.”_

_“Yes.”, answered Lena resting her head against Kara’s neck. “Fly us home. Please.”_

_And she did. They did not leave the penthouse the day after. Phones off, door closed._

* * *

 

                 

_“So, tell us Mom, what does it feel to have both of your daughters with girls ?”, asked Alex for the joke._

_“Well…what can I say ? More daughters for me ?”, she answered smiling. “And….it means less beard hair in my bathrooms’ sinks when you visit. I hate when your father did that.”_

_She laughed and hugged Kara and Lena one more time._

_“We make a very nice family.”, she said during the dinner looking at Lena, Kara, Alex and Maggie with all the love she had in her heart and eyes._

 

* * *

 

 

                  After her conversation, with Alex and Maggie, Lena went to bed. She feels so empty and full of nothing at the same time. She can’t stop passing her hand on her stomach thinking about what she would have look pregnant, with a big belly and Kara can’t stop the crazy everytime Lena would have cry because of the hormones. She smiled. This baby would have had a life so interesting, full of love and sheltered from everything. Even if Lena have no one left from the Luthor or her first life before being an adopted child, she knows that Maggie, Winn and Barry would have been the perfect aunt and uncles ever. She made them her family. Blood does not count. Blood means nothing when feels are real. And she loves them as brothers and sisters. She would have learnt her child to play chess and make science, and told her daughter or son everything about the stars. Show this child how to surf and how to be a good person. And Kara would have protected them. Because that what she did, protect the person she loved. She was pregnant of a Kryptonian child so Kara would have learnt this one how to fly, use and control powers. Two Super for protecting her. Two Super protecting a Luthor. The Wife and The Mother. A Super Luthor family. All her dreams were at the doors of hands, a few small inches away. But everything ended up in blood and fire. It was not fair. So she hold herself, in her bed, in a fetal position crying quietly.

 

                  She is far from imagining that Kara is only a few hundreds of miles away, fighting like the old gods from Krypton did to protect their lands against the Daxamites ones hundred centuries ago. And Kara does the same thing to find her Home back. The find her lands back as National City and Lena has her Home.

 

 

The night they found her body was a rainy night too. It took them almost two days to find her.

When they realized that Kara did not answer anymore at their call at all, they knew that something was wrong. The first clue was the note she left on her pillow.

 

_“I had to do it. For you._

_I love you. I am sorry._

_Kara.”_

She knew that something was wrong. When she woke up she called Alex as fast as she could.

 

“Kara is gone. I don’t know where she is. She left a note.”

“Come to the D.E.O.”

 

They did everything they could to locate her. They searched in National City, the Fortress of Solitude. Everywhere where she could have been. Clark flew everywhere. But no traces from Kara. Even the Kryptonite localization wasn’t effective. Until Clark thought about something.

 

“The old paper factory !”

“What ?”, asked Lena.

“When we fought before he went to jail. We had a fight there. In National City. The factory was abandoned for a long time. I fought him there. Our only fight in National City, he was looking for Kara. I still don’t know how he found that I had a cousin but he did. And we fought her.”

“Let’s go.”, said Lena without looking at him. “We can’t waste time.”

 

She was wearing the D.E.O uniform with Kara’s hoody.

 

Lena was sitting next to J’onn in the trunk. She was calm during the trip. But once the trunk was on the top of the hill she get out of the car and started to walk alone looking for Kara’s body or Lex’s traces.

 

“Lena, don’t go alone.”

 

She did not answer. She just run and run and run and run again.

 

“KARA !”, she couldn’t stop screaming. “KARA IT’S ME ! WHERE ARE YOU ? KARA ?”

 

The number of miles she runs that night was illegal and humanly impossible. But she did. And she could not have stop herself for running after her life, after Kara. Maybe the old gods of Krypton made her head their home that night. Gave her the rage, the courage, the strenght and the motivation to fought like a lion. Like a Kryptorian warrior. She was a Luthor but she married a Zor-El.  And back on Krypton, when you married someone, if the love was real, you took their strength as well, not only their lands or family’s traditions. That what happened between Kara and Lena. They got married and their strength went in each other heart and head. She became a Zor-El. She became half a Kryptonian when Clark made them one by pronouncing the old Kryptonian prayer about spending a lifetime with the same soul under Rao’s light. And she knew, she knew that that day half of her blood became Kryptonian. She tried to honor this House where she belongs now, so she did not gave up. She looked everywhere.

The night started to fall, Maggie and Alex was looking for her and called her out.

 

“LENA ! LENA ? WHERE ARE YOU ?”

“I’M RIGHT HERE !”

 

They walked in her direction and Maggie put her hand on her shoulder.

 

“Eh…Little Luthor, let’s go back to the trunk and listen what the others found.”

“They don’t found anything. We have the talki-walki. They would have said something, you know that.”

“Lee’…”

“I won’t go back in town until I found her ! Period.”

“We need a plan, and reorganize ours researches.”

“I don’t have time for that ! My wife is missing, she is probably hurt because of my own blood. I stay here !”

“You need some rest Lee’.”

 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 

“Imagine if it was Alex, ugh ?”

 

Maggie did not answer.

 

“That’s right.”

 

And she carried on to walk still calling for Kara. She did not show it but she was exhausted and she was cold. In the middle of January, the weather was very cold, there was snow everywhere and blizzard around her made her eyes not very effective without a pocket lamp.

 

“KARA ! KARA WHERE ARE YOU ? I AM HERE !”

 

But no answer.

 

Suddenly, someone was talking in the radio.

 

“LENA ! GUYS ! I FOUND SOMETHING !”

“WHERE ARE YOU ?”, asked Lena.

“A house, not so far from the factory, I am with Iris, she is in the old house.”

“I am on my way.” Answered Lena coldly.

 

And she ran. She did not stop once, she just ran. Her mind focalized on her legs and her speed. He heart was beating like a supersonic machine. Tears started to fall on her cheeks but she did not realize it. Frozen tears for a desperate heart.

She never knew how long she ran or how far she did it. Every meter seemed like a mile, every second of this run seemed like hours. She saw Winn, on his kneels, trying to put some rocks and woods away from what he just found. Iris was still in the old house. Lena was the first to saw him, then Alex and Maggie, then Barry and Clark and the rest of the team.

 

“Winn ! What is it ? What did you found ?” Lena said with a broken voice.

 

Deep in her heart she knew.

 

Winn did not answered, he just turn to her with a blank expression. She rushed to him and he moved on the side. She was on her kneels and she saw her. She saw Kara. Her eyes wide open and blood on all her chest. Dirt covered half of her face.

She took her in her arms and hold her against her chest.

 

“I am here. I am here my love. We’re gonna keep you safe.”

 

“Lee’…”

“No.”

“Lee’, she’s..”

“No, no, no, no.”

“It’s too la…”

“NO ! I SAID “NO.””

 

She turned back to Kara’s face and passed her hand on her cheek. Her cheek full of dirt.

 

“I am here. It’s gonna be okay.”

 

She put an ear on her heart. It was beating.

 

“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ?”

 

Everyone hurried to put Kara in a medical trunk of the D.E.O, she did not let Kara’s hand. And everything went so fast.

Once they arrived, they put her in the reanimation room. Her heart still beating but that’s all. Her eyes were wild open, but no cerebral reactions, no reflex, nothing. Just her heart. Eliza, Alex and the D.E.O medical team. Lena couldn’t stay in place, she was surrounded by Winn, Barry and Maggie.

And it was too much, she entered in the room and go straight to Kara. She needed to hold her hand.

 

“Mrs. Luthor Zor-El you can’t stay here.”

“No. It’s okay Love, you can stay.” 

 

Eliza was trying to keep calm. Alex said nothing, she just did what her Mom told her. Her face was covered with a sad shade of green. A very sad one. Her eyes still open. Her beautiful blues eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes with no life within. Those beautiful blue eyes you were always so happy, joyful and full of love. Those who looked at Lena, those who looked at everyone she loved. Those who married Lena. They were looking at nowhere, in a random point in the room. When Lena called for them to look at her. They did not. They did not look at her like they used to look. She cried. She cried so much for this beautiful blue that she loved more than her own life. This blue who looked at her during their first dance at their wedding day. Her blue and her green finally made one.

 

* * *

 

It was a John Mayer’s one : “ _Who you love_.”, one of Lena’s favorite.

That what she saw when they tried to reanimated her. Their first dance. The way they looked at each other that night. The way the world disappeared when Kara put her hands on Lena tights. The way each words fit perfectly with them. The way Eliza let tears fell on her cheeks, to happy for her daughter and her new one. The smiled Kara made when she heard Maggie said “Gay !” in Alex’s ear. It was a perfect moment.

Forhead against forhead, Lena whispered.

 

“We did it.”

“Yes, we did.”

“Nothing is gonna separate us.”

“Nothing.”

“Promise me.”

“Nothing is gonna separate us, I promise.”

“Promise me to always come home.” said Lena. 

“I promise. Promise me to remember yourself that you’re a good person.” asked Kara. 

“I promise.”

 

They kissed. It was nice, and soft and gentle. A pure kiss of love. Nose caressing the other. Cheeks to cheeks. Eyes closed, because it was all about the feels. All about the link between her heart.

 

“ _El Mayarah_.”, whispered Lena.

“You’re a Zor-El right now and I am so proud, I am so proud.”

“Are you happy to become a Luthor too ?”

“More than you can imagine.”

 

And they kissed again.

 

“I am happy with you. Right now. With everyone who I looking at us.”

 

Kara laughed softly and discreetly looked around her.

 

“They’re just jealous. You’re not their wife.”

 

Lena put her head in Kara’s neck and laughed.

 

“I am happy with you too. Since day one.”, finally said Kara.

 “I love you, you and your perfect emerald eyes. They’re the most beautiful thing in the entire galaxy. ”

“I could drown in yours.”

 

Nobody knew what they said to each other that night.

 

**_“Oh, you can’t make yourself stop dreaming_ **

**_Who you’re dreaming of_ **

**_If it’s who you love_ **

**_Then it’s who you love.”_ **

****

That what she remembered when they tried to bring her back to life, what Kara said about her eyes during their first dance. And that night, it was the last time she looked at her perfect shade of blue. This blue, more beautiful than the one that Leonardo Da Vinci created on the XVth century.

 

* * *

 

The sun is waking up. Kara is still on the train. Her blue eyes wide awake, ready to face the day and the last steps of her journey to find Lena back. It’s 6pm and this night, she will be in New York City.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where they found Kara's body and found Lex.  
> The one where Lena lost control and where Kara finally arrived in New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lenght of this chapter, I hope that you will still like it !
> 
> Thanks for the nice feedback, it means a lot and it makes me smile every time. 
> 
> Next chapter is the chapter reunion. Finally ! Thanks for your patience. I hope you will like this reunion, :). 
> 
>  
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup .

**_“Love grows in the time it’s been_ **

**_Since you last held her hand_ **

**_She’ll fight for you like hell_ **

**_Then force herself to like some other man”_ **

****

The bullets were deep in her chest and the medical machines did so much noise, it was almost unbearable. They made so much noise. Lena did not let her hand go. The way her blues eyes fixed nothing, still wide open, was frightening. Alex was in charge to remove the bullets from her little Super sister’s chest and put them in a surgical steel bowl. They were made of lead with bright green. It was Kryptonite. They shone so brightly and on Kara’s skin they could see some green line all over her body. This lines took their sources from the seven bullets’ holes. Like a road map when the destinations were this scray holes. She bleed. A very vivid red. It was one of the first times that they saw her bleed. Supergirl does not bleed usually. Because she always won. But not this time. At this moment, nobody knew that she sacrificed herself to save them. All of them.

Lena was a mess of tears. Eliza was so calm. So calm. She did all her gestures like a machine, seven hundred percent concentrated on Kara. She tried not to think about the fact that this time it was one of her daughters in the surgery room. She had to stay calm, she couldn’t break. She had to save her daughter. Everyone in this room was counting on her.

And suddenly, the machine connected to her heart began to howl and the little lights blinked in repetition, indicating the emergency situation. Eliza and Lena looked at the screens indicating the detection of Kryptonite in Kara’s body and its progression at the same time, with the same look. The Kryptonite was now invading her heart. There was more green and more green again in her body. And she shade on her shin shove more and more.

 

“No..no..no, no.” said Lena panicking.

 

“I need the defibrillators, maximum power. Two on her chest, two on her belly and on on the side of her head.”

“Mom…is it not too much ?”

“She is an alien. Plus, a Kryptonian one. The girl of steel, we need to stimulate her heart and brain. It’s the only way. A human dose will be like if you just touch her.”

“You’re right, you’re right.”

 

Lena was crying in Kara’s neck.

 

“Don’t leave me, please, don’t leave me. Come back Hon’…I need you here.”

 

“One….two…three.”, yelled Elisa and pushed the button.

 

Kara’s back lifted before its fell heavily on the steel table but there were no ameliorations.

 

“Again ! One…two…three.”

 

It wasn’t effective. Her heart was still beating but increasingly weak. Eliza did her best to keep calm and control.

 

“AGAIN !”

 

Lift. Fall.

 

“AGAIN ! COME ON !”

 

Lift. Fall.

 

“Come on darling, come back too me.”, whispered Eliza.

 

“AGAIN ! Two more defibrillators.”

 

Kara’s nose started to bleed, her eyes still open.

 

“ONE TWO THREE !”

 

“Come on sweetheart, you can do this. Mommy is taking care of you…AGAIN !”

 

Lift and fall.

 

“AGAIN ! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL WAITING FOR ? PUSH THIS FUCKING BUTTON ! IT’S MY DAUGHTER LAYING THERE !”

 

Eliza was losing control and tears started to fall on her cheeks. She never loosed control before. Never. She took a deep breath looking at Lena; lena who was a mess, seeing her wife die.

Lift and fall. Same gesture, same result, same horrible noise of Kara’s back falling on the table. Lena, Alex and Eliza will never forget this sound. Heavy and deaf sound.

 

And, suddenly, the machine made a long and unstoppable sounds, the noise we can her in movie when the character is about to die. This horrifying sound. This horrible sounds that Eliza heard so many times before. But now, it was different. The sounds resonated like a disturbing and mortified silence in her own heart and head. Because it was her daughter on the surgery table. It was her daughter who was about to die. And to Eliza it was like Kara’s requiem.

And she couldn’t stand it. She could stand the fact that the last thing she was about to her from her youngest daughter was this horrible sound. This horrible signal saying that Kara was one step away from the death. Already one foot within.

 

“AGAIN !”, she screamed in tears. “WE HAVE TO SAUVE MY DAUGHTER !”

 

And Lena saw it. The line on the screen who became straight. A perfectly straight yellow line on the screen. This was it. They were there. With all this zero lighting on the screen.

 

Kara heart stopped beating. It was over. She was dead. And a doctor finally said.

 

“Time of..”

 

“NO !” screamed Lena. “DON’T YOU DARE !”

 

“Mrs Luthor Zor-EL we have to…”

 

“I SAID NO ! YOU HAVE TO CARRY ON ! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HER !”

 

Everybody looked at her with tears in their eyes. Kara was dead and Lena did not want to hear it. It was too late, they found her too late. Eliza wasn’t crying, she was looking at Lena. Alex was sit on the floor, her head in her arms. She was crying. Eliza walked slowly to Lena who made herself a shield to Kara’s body. Nobody made a sound or said a word, all they could have heard was the long and unstoppable noise from the machine linked to Kara’s arms.

 

“You have to carry on ! You have to save her.”, she said, her voice strong at first but broke at the end of her sentence.

“Sweety…”, whispered Eliza as she was walking to her.

“NO !”

“Sweety…we have to say it..I am sorry…”

“NO YOU WON’T DO IT ! HE WILL NOT DO IT! BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA SAVE HER !”

“Lena…honey…she won’t wake up...”

“No, no, no.”

 

She was few centimeters away from Lena.

 

“Honey…”, she said wrapping Lena in her arms.

 

She turned her head to the other doctor, and nod to him.

 

“Time of death…”

 

“NO ! No, no, no.”, Lena screamed, in Eliza’s embrace.

 

She wrapped her stronger so the doctor could say what he has to. Lena was struggling to leave Eliza’s embrace but she did hold her more firmly and she couldn’t leave her arms.

 

“Time of death, 4:17am.”

 

Eliza kissed Lena’s head and closed her eyes, breathing the smell of her hair. Lavender and menthol. For a second she could have sworn she had a bad dream, and once woke up she would call Kara and ask her if everything was okay. But her daughter just die and she has to save the three others now.

Maggie was looking at the window. She cried silently, her forehead against the cold glass.

 

And Lena felt it. She felt it, the anger, the anger mixed with pain and rage and feeling of revenge. It was the most dangerous cocktail. Her heart was beating so fast. So fast that its strucked violently against her ribcage, almost ready to get out and leave her body.

And she fell on her kneels, crying and can’t stop to say “No.”still in Eliza’s arms. And she screamed. She screamed holding Kara’s hand. It was still hot, like she was about to woke up the minute after. But she did not woke up. She hold her hand, she just could not stop to hold her hand. This hand who loved her so much, so many time, this one who saved her, dried her tears, tickled her and hold her when she needed and loved her so many time.

Alex was out from the room and she run to Maggies. We could have seen them behind the glass.

The other was all waiting outside the room for some news. J’onn was the first to know and he was the one who told to the other. Super Space Dad was now a Sad Space Dad.

Everytime he closed his eyes he saw in repeat what happened to his daughters back on Mars. And now he had to deal with the fact that, once again, someone took one of his daughters away from him. Because yes, Alex and Kara were his daughters too. They meant so much to him. And Lex, like the White Martians, took a part of his heart and broke it in front of him. Again. In millions pieces. He was the one to took Kara to Lena on their wedding day and he suddenly remember how much proud he was and much love he felt for Kara when she asked her if he wanted to walked with her to Lena and the mayor. The loved he felt for the Danvers sister was so big that even Space could not deal with it.

He closed his eyes, his forehead against a wall so as his hands. He walked to the training room, the one Kara used to go. He took a deep breath trying not to cry. He opened his eyes again, turned his head and he saw something familiar on the coat hanger. So he went to see what it was and took it. It was one of Kara’s cardigan. A blue one.

And he couldn’t restrain himself from crying anymore. The tears came on their own. J’onn let himself sat on the floor, holding the cardigan against him.

 

“Not again.” He whispered. “It can’t happen again.”

 

The cardigan still has Kara’s smell.

He stood up, and scream in pain, hitting the wall with his fist to leave a big hole. He could not control him self. And he hit, and hit and hit and hit again the wall leaving so many holes.

 

Winn did not cried that night. When he saw J’onn walked to them he knew. He just knew. He stoop up from his chair.

 

“She’s gone…”, said J’onn looking at the ground. “Her heart stopped beating...she’s gone.”

 

And Winn walked, with a blank and neutral expression on his face. No saying a single word to the other. She was one of her best friends. They were the Superfriends. They were a team. They were a Brotherhood. He walked to the roof of the D.E.O and sat on the helicopter landing pad. Where him and Kara spend so many night counting the stars when they were on duties. And stayed here, laying on the floor watching the sky and counting the stars. He did not cried that night.

 

“We will revenge you.”, he whispered. “We will revenge you Kar’.”

 

 

 

“Lena…listen.”, said Eliza. 

“No.”

“Lena you need to take a deep breath, you need to try to calm you down.”

“How am I suppose to be calm when I just lost my wife ?”, she screamed.

“She was my daughter too Lena.”, screamed Eliza back.

 

They were looking at each other. They loved her so much that it was hurting. They loved each other so much that having a fight was horrible. All the oppression, all the pain needed to be out. Screaming at each other was the only solution.

 

“Listen Lena…”

“No.”, answered Lena looking at Kara’s body.

“Next few days are gonna be hard. Hard for everyone. Each of us need everyone so we have…”

“Can we not having this conversation right now ? I don’t wanna talk.”

“Lena we..”

“I can’t.”

 

Eliza pulled out her blouse, her latex gloves and her surgery mask before kissing Lena on the forehead. She was crying. She was crying like she was holding something like she was trying to be strong in front of Eliza. It was just the two of them in the room.

 

“I don’t wanna talk. I don’t wanna tlak to anyone.” Said Lena.

“I am gonna see Alex.” Said Eliza closing the door behind her.

 

When she heard the “click” Lena fell on her knees and howled with pain. Eliza suddenly froze herself on the spot. She closed her eyes. And she could felt Lena’s heart bleeding in her chest. And suddenly, her heart was bleeding too. Lena’s pain resonated in her head. It was a torture to hear her screaming and crying behind the door. Eliza’s hreat broke one more time that night. And she knew that it will break again once she will be with Alex and Maggie. She closed her eyes. She closed her eyes and she carried on to walked to Alex and Maggie.

 

“Where is Nana’ ?” asked Barry to Eliza with a sad little boy voice.

“She is in there honey...but I don’t think that you should g..”

 

But it was too late, Barry was already running to the one that he considers like his Little Sister. He loved her to much to let her alone in there. He loved them so much. They’re the sisters he never had. And he was the brother they never had.

He let his forehead against the window and watched her. He watched her cry and scream. And he saw Kara’s body. And he felt hot suddenly, the pain, the hot in the corridor, his little sister in pain and his best friend dead on the metal table with holes in his chest. Barry’s forehead was now wet, he head was turning, his heart was beating too fast, his belly was hurting and his chest was as heavy as a mountain. His eyes started to blurring his vision and with a desperate gesture, to try to fell better and less oppressed, he withdrew the top of his Flash super suit. And tried to breath with just his dark red trouser and his white tee. But it was not effective. Barry gave a last look to Lena and Kara and he puked. He puked and the floor. It burned his chest, his stomach and burned his throat as well. He cried in pain. Physical pain and mental pain.  And he puked again. He felt weak. He needed sleep and food because so as Lena he looked after Kara the past two days, without food and sleep. And with his metabolism of superhero, he needed some rest. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and entered in the room to talk to Lena. She yelled and screamed, and cried. But he told nice and sweet thing before leaving and let himself fall against the close door before J’onn came to hug him. 

 

James and Clark were sitting in the D.E.O hall in silence.

Anyway, silence reigned like a master in the D.E.O that night. There were just tears and sobbing.

 

When Lena decided to get out from the surgery room, she did her best to speak to everyone with a clear mind and dry eyes. She kissed Kara’s forehead and mouth still crying, but once out of the room her eyes were dry like the Sahara desert. She did a sign to Barry to get up. She hugged him as strongly as she could.

 

“I love you. Never forget that Nana’.”

“I love you too Ry’. Go with the other. Tell them that I am coming.”

 

“OK.” He whispered kissing her forehead.

 

She went to the bathroom and put some water on her face. And she saw it, her tired eyes, her tired face, her tired heart.

She walked to the D.E.O hall. And everyone looked at her without making a sound. She looked at them too and she said.

 

“I am not gonna stay here. I am gonna hunt this bastard. I wanna watch him at the court. I wanna see his face when a judge will sentence him to a lifetime in prison if I can contain myself to not kill him with my bare hands. And I am gonna do that tonight. I will not do anything else until I found him. I won’t cry until I find him.”

 

Barry took a step.

 

“She did not hesitated a single second each time I needed her. I am in Nana’.”

 

“We’re gonna catch this fucking bastard.”, said Maggie putting a hand on Barry’s shoulder.

 

“Me too.”, said Winn who came back from the roof, still speaking with a cold voice.

 

They all agreed to go to catch Lex.

 

 

And they did. They all worked days and nights to find him. Lena knew that he was still around. Too happy and too proud to have kill Supergirl and took his sister’s happiness away. Supergirl’s eath was still secret. People needed to recover form all the things he did in town, all the deaths and all the destruction.

 

Lena was the leader. She knew her brother’s habits and everyone gave her their absolute trust.

Three days later, she was the one who find him. When he was the C.E.O of Luthor Corp before Lena, he made investments in disused buildings around Metropolis. Then Lena had a idea and looked in the archives of L-Corp from Lex’s time. She discovered that some large buildings and old factories were purchased by someone named Lilian’s maiden. The first one was destroyed during Supergirl’s last fight. Two others exploded with Lex’s bombs. The three other was too far away from National City. So the last building was the good one.

The first time he went to jail. FBI and Superman discovered that this kind of building were his hidden paces for his weapons. Lena and Winn worked to located this last one. And two hours later they were there. Barry, J’onn and Gardian were fully dress and ready to help Lena to find Lex. Lena was in the first position. They put dynamite under Lex and his sbires’ trunks before entered quietly in the building. Lena’s heart stopped when she heard her brother’s voice. Once again everything went to fast. His sbires were quickly under control. It was Lena who pointed her gun to Lex. She did not cried. She stayed so calm, so cold. At this moment, she was a Luthor. Alex was looking at her and pointed her gun to Lex too.

Lena walked to him while he was smiling at her.

 

“I underestimate you little sister.”

“Don’t you dare to call me as your sister. I am everything except your sister.”

“Don’t lie to yourself Little Sister…you’re a Luthor. You were born a Luthor. You’re one of us to the end of your life even if you don’t want to.”

“Shut up.”

“We share the same blood.”

“Shut up Lex.”

“This Kara Zor-El made you so soft, I have to admit that I am a little disappointed. To bad that she is dead now.”

 

J’onn was behind him and kicked him on the side of the knee. Lex fell on hit and J’onn handcuffed him. Put a black beani on his head to lead him in a trunk.

 

“Are you okay ?”, he asked starting the car.

 

She did no answered at first and she said.

 

“Drive us to the D.E.O.”

 

“Ok’ kid.”

 

Once at the D.E.O, Lex was placed in a interrogatory room. He was looking and laughing at the camera.

 

“I am gonna kill this fucker.”, whispered Alex in rage.

 

Maggie her hand on her arm.

 

“Don’t say that. Don’t be like him Al’.”

 

And she cried. Watching him laughing at them with Kara’s body in the building was too much. Then J’onn entered in the room.

 

“Oh, hello green Martian. It’s a real pleasure to meet you. It’s the first time that a saw someone of your kind”, he cheered presenting his hand to J’onn.

 

“My name is Hank Hanshaw and you’re under arrest for the murder of Kara Danvers as Supergirl. Can you decline your identity ?”

“Well…ask for the fifth…would be stupid. I am famous. You know who I am Green Martian.”

“Decline your identidy.”

“Fiiiiine. Alexander Luthor. Lena’s big and beloved brother.”, he answered smiling.

“Can I ask you something ? I know that you’re really close to my sister. Did she took her last name ? No but I was not invited at the wedding so I was asking myself what should I write on the “Congratulations card”.”

 

Lena was looking at him with a neutral expression.

J’onn avoided his stupid question and spoke again he was calm. Calm like the ocean before the storm.

“Where did you found the kryptonite ?”

“Not on Krypton.”, he said ironically joking and laughing.  

“Where did you placed the other bombs ?”

“Come on Martian. I know that you and your little team of aliens found them all. Your question is a trap. You are testing me.”

“How did you escape from jail.”

“Fifth dear, I ask for the fifth, otherwise there will have no surprise.”

“Where did you find the Kryptonite ?”

“Well…as you maybe guess by yourself, you and the D.E.O don’t have all of it. So I made researches, here and there and I found Kryptonite where you did not found.”

“Where ?”

“Ask my dear friend Clark Kent…or should I say Superman ? Is he here ? Say “Hello” to him from a dear friend. Don’t stole my little sister Clark now that she is single..or should I say a window, I don’t know.”

 

He made his comments looking at the camera, knowing that everyone was looking at them.

 

“Tell me what happened to Supergirl.”

“Well…she is dead, right ? You won’t anwser but I know that she is. Well…we maybe had a fight last week and I had a helicopter to take….so I presumed that she flew home or that she stayed out there and die.”

“Who was with you at the fights.”

“Friends. You meet them earlier and me.”

“Where did you find the Kryptonite ?”

“Fiiiine martian I will tell you. I have some stock for Clark but when I decided to hunt Kara Danvers-Luthor, yes, Kara-Danvers-Luthor...wow I still can’t believe that I am his brother-in-law. Anyways, so yes, I had some stock in one of my secret places and I just mind my own business and find your super heroes.”.

 

J’onn stayed calm and carried on.

 

“I am gonna stab this bastard.”

“I know you want it Lee’…and I will help you.”

 

“I proposed her a deal. She said “Yes.”, she did not respect it so I took my dispositions. When you made a deal or a pact with someone and he don’t follow it…you need to calm this person down, right ? To be honest, I knew that she wouldn’t respect it. She was the first to hit my little Luthor Soldiers so I just did what I needed to do…I defended myself.”

 

“Right. Why did you wanted to destroy National City ?”

“Too piss her off Martian come on ! To piss you off too. Too piss Clark off.”

 

He laughed.

 

“I dreamt to run the Luthor company with my dear little sister but…she did not follow me the first time I asked her to help to kill Clark..so I didn’t said anything. The second time I asked her to help me, same answer, “no”. Then I discovered that a female clone of Superman existed. What a brilliant occasion to me to asked my sister again but what did I discovered ? A Super dating a Luthor ? I was very upset. I knew perfectly that Supergirl was Kara Danvers.”

J’onn was writing something and Lex said.

 

“You should have see her eyes when she begged me to not exploded the bomb. You should have see her face when I showed her the camera in her house, well...she started to be mad when she saw Lena asleep on the screen. It was cute I have to admit. But the best part was when she fought with my guys. She was dope like really impressive. Ten against one was really cool. I had a lot of fun watching them, she was getting weak with the Kryptonite to make this a fair fight., But when she hit the last guy, she fell on her knee. See a Super on knees was on a bucket list since a long time, and it happened. But, you know, she get mad again and use her special vision and burn my hand. So I walked to her, still on her knee, her pretty cute fade with soft, vivid and beautiful shade of green. I felt like a king. The Girl of Steel on her knees. Wow, it was really something. But with all this Kryptonite in her she became useless.”

 

He paused a few seconds.

 

“To be honest I asked one last time to collaborate with me. She said that I was a bastard. Nobody can call me that. So I put the alien gun on my belt…”

 

Lena was watching him, she clenched her teeth and her fists while she was listening. And it became too much. His comments and jokes became too much.

 

“And I shoot. She did not fell at the first bullet, she looked at me right in the eyes. Bravo by the way. At the second shoot, same thing…but she started to cry..and…”

 

Now, now it was too much for Lena. She left the room almost running without saying a word.

 

“Lena ! Where ar…”

 

And they saw her enter in the room.

 

“J’onn. Can I talk to him ?”

 

He nodded. Even if it was not right to the protocol. He left the room. It was the occasion to him to try to keep his calm because it was hard with such inappropriate comments and laughs.

 

Lena sat on J’onn chair. And she looked at him, right in the eyes.

 

“Eh Little Sister, I knew you were here too. What a nice family reunion. Too bad that your wife is not here with us !”

 

She stood up and hit him first and sat down again.

 

“Wow. Nice one Lee’.Maybe you’re really a Luthor after all.”

“Why did you do that ? Why did you felt the need to take away form me the only thing that I really care.”

“Well, thanks for asking. I am gonna answer. She is was an alien Lena. Our family hates the aliens. I hate them and I still don’t understand why you, you love them.”

“Because they’re people you fucking piece of douchebag.”

“I agree with you. They have feelings and can feel them. That what I was just said to your martian friend, the way she looked at me when I shoot her. I am sure she was thinking about you, I am sure that she saw your face when I pushed her on the shoulder to the ground with my feet. She was crying in pain. She was screaming in pain because of this super fucking effective kryptonite. That what I wanted her to feel. Pain and pain and pain again. Make Clark paid for what he done. And made you paid for what you became.”

 

And Lena lost control. Lex had his hands laid flat on the table. She suddenly stood up and picked up the knife attached to her belt while she pushed the chair away behind her and planted it in the right hand of her brother with all the strength she had. The knife was pushed as deep as possible and its blade protruded from below the table. And she became mad. She became insane. Losing control losing her cold blood and holding the handle of the weapon.

 

He screamed and she put her hand on the table, still standing on her feet, and she approached him, her head in front of his head.

 

“Do you fell the pain big brother ? Do you fell the pain invade your body ? Do you fell it exploded in your head when I move the knife. Now imagine this multiplied by seven. One for every bullet you shoot in my wife’s chest. Imagine yourself feeling this for two days long.”

 

She moved the handle again and he was screaming.

Nobody was moving in the observation room, everyone was looking at Lena. Nobody wanted to stop her. Because he got what he paid for.

 

 

“This pain, seven time at once. Because that’s what you done to her. That’s what you done to me you little shitty bastard.”

 

Lena grabbed the collar of his shirt with her free hand and pulled Lex’s head close to hers. He tried to smile. But she was not a fool. She knew that he wanted to scream his pain because she was leaning on his bloody hand.

 

“You’re gonna paid like you never pay before. I promise you.”

 

J’onn finally entered the room.

 

“Lena !”

 

No answer, she was looking in Lex’s eyes.

 

He finally grabbed him bu the hip and put her away form him.

 

“Lena, calm down you have to calm down.”

 

Maggie was waiting at the door.

 

“You know what Leelee’ darling, I fucking loved it. I fucking loved kill her, I fucking loved see her tears and heard her screams. It was the best music ever.”

 

And she did it. She took the gun from Maggie belt and she shoot him in the shoulder screaming like she never scream and the madness against him was full. She shoot and he screamed. And she smiled. She smiled. Maggie took her outside and the adrenaline went down. She collapsed into Maggie’s arms, buried her face in her neck and wept the death of Kara after this two days of “Lex hunting”.

Maggie hold her with all the love and all the energy, the streght that she had left.

 

“I am here. I am here Lee’. It’s okay. You’re okay. He won’t say a words now. You’re okay.”

“I had to do it. He can’t speak and laugh at us like that. She was a person.”

“I know. But I don’t know how you did to not have killed him.”

“I am not like him. I am not like the others Luthor. I am the good one.”

“Yes you are.”

 

They were sat on the floor in the same position.

 

A medical team went to cure Lex. She was not ashamed but she apologized to J’onn, he just hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. She did what she had to do. And nobody said a word about that. They all looked at her with compassion. Barry and Winn went sat with Lena and Maggie and they stayed here for a moment, holding each other. They were exhausted, their hunt was over.

They found Kara and they found Lex.

Still on the floor in the corridor, Lena’s head was on Barry’s thigh. Maggie’s head on Winn’s chest. And the two boys was sitting against the cold wall, one head supporting the other. They fell asleep like that. Barry still with his super suit trouser, Winn, Lena and Maggie with the D.E.O uniform.

They knew at this moment that the four of them was link forever.

 

* * *

 

The first time Winn had cried to Kara’s death was during Lex’s trial. When they sentenced him to finish his days in prison. When the judge pronounced it, he stood up and said :

 

“You fucking deserve it, you bastard.”, he said to Lex with a cold voice and a neutral face. He stayed strong one last time. 

 

And Winn left the court, he sat on the floor behind the door and allowed himself to cry for the first time. 

 

* * *

 

 

The last step of Kara’s journey is quiet. Her ticket is very useful, thanks to the kind man. She is tired and weak like she never been. But when the train starts to enter in New York City and when she sees the first skylines she smiled. She smiles because she knows that she is just one step away to find Lena. At this time, she almost forgets that her chest hurts like it never hurted since she woke up in her grave. She zips her cardigan so hid the little traces of blood on her shirt, rearranges her ponytail.

 

“ _Last stop : New York City. Last stop New York City_.”, the man on the speakers says.

 

Kara takes a deep breath and reads her notes. She had to find where Lena leaves right know. The only clue she has is that her wife loves penthouse. So she is probably in a penthouse. Probably in a fancy area of the city. She remembers the pics she saw on the internet and the CatCo magazine at the station yesterday. Lena and Krypto in Central Park, so maybe that it’s a penthouse not so far away form Central Park. It’s a good start.

She tries, again, to locate Lena’s heart with her super hearing. But this power is not effective yet. She hopes that she will have it soon. It could be very helpful. She knows that she can’t fly yet too. She needs a sun lamp and rest and food to that. So it will be just her and her legs for walk. But she stays hopeful. Every steps she will do will bring her a little closer to her Home, to Lena. So yes, she allows herself to finally smile.Because now, she is in New York City. Because maybe tonight she will finally be back Home.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter reunion. 
> 
> 1/2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a long chapter. This one os bit angsty but all the fluff and the "nice parts" will be in the second part of this chapter. I plan a lot of nice moments for them. Enjoy this one, I hope you'll like it, :). 
> 
> Thanks you all for your patience and the feedback.  
> Please continue it makes me smile overtimes. 
> 
> You can find me there on Tumblr @sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup 
> 
> Thanks again for everything ! :).

 

_“Final Stop New York City. Final stop New York City. Terminal stop everyone.”_

 

“Okay Kara. Keep calm and stay focus. All you have to do now is to find Lena. You did the worst part of the trip. Focus on Lena’s heartbeat.”

 

She takes a deep breath and leaves the train.

She is looking around her and sees so many many people. There are people everywhere and they all walking so fast in the trains station. She is suddenly lost, looking everywhere around her to find the exist But the people are so fast and she is scary and she starts to cry. Weak, she can’t be concentrate for too long. So she decides to follow the people, maybe they’re going outside. She needs fresh air. She needs the sun on her skin. She needs to eat but she decides to not think about this too much. She will eat dinner with Lena tonight if she founds her. No, she will found her, she is sure about that.

She walks and walks and walks in the trains station and finally found the exist by following the noise that people and cars make from the outside.

The sun shines so bright from the sky that Kara can feel it in her bones. She closes her eyes and stop her walk for a few seconds and just enjoys the sun’s rays on her skin. She has to go to Central Park to look around, find the big buildings and find Lena.

She is sure that her wife is now living on the top of one of the towers around the famous park. In the train she concluded that Lena was living in this kind of penthouse but, a special one. A building guarded by doorman and a security team. With all the pics and bad things, she read about Lena and her own death, she knew. Knew that Lena would have wanted some peace and a 100% safe space. Not be annoy by the medias and paparazzis. Not by annoy by journalists. Not be annoy by anyone. Just her and Krypto. So yes, Lena would took a penthouse, a new home with a high security level. More safe and sure that the one they bought after getting married.

This were just some deductions. But Kara is a journalist and she knows how to think. And it’s not a professional distortion when you try to find your home back. Kara was just clever. And she does not have a lot of time left before her state is getting worst. This is now an emergency to find Lena, to eat, to rest properly and to rest under a sun lamp. Because this weak rays of sunshine of New York are clearly not enough for her. It’s just a kind of purgatory. A temporary solution for her. Like when your car is running out of gaz and you still driving. You know that sooner or later the car will stop on the road and you’ll be fucked. That’s how Kara feels right now.

                  She takes the map she kept in her pocket looks the way to Central Park..

 

“Oh Rao…it’s so far away..”

 

She pauses.

 

“Come on Zor-El, you can do it. You have no choice, you have to do it. For Lena.”

 

And she starts to walks. She does not know the city at all. Before she dies, she knew that Lena went to New York City a few times for some business trips. But with all this Supergirl duties Kara never followed her. So it was only Lena every time. She remembers that the last time Lena went there when she still has her perfect life, her wife brought her a New York City mug. Just like Kara did every time she flew some where where Lena did not have went yet. She smiles at the souvenir. And carries on the walk to Central Park. 

 

* * *

 

 

Lena is getting for her day. She just called her office to announce that she is taking a day off. Jess just told her that it was okay and that she will reschedule her agenda and her meetings. She is the boss after all and she can do what she wants. She plans to drive to a lake with Krypto. She she just wears a blue slim with an M.I.T oversize sweater with her Black and Gold Yeezy.

A good looking is always important for her even comfy clothes. That’s all she has left, her look and her reputation. So she has to maintain this as good and much as she can.

Men keep to go to her at galas, at parties, even in the streets, she perfectly know that it’s because of her look, her make up and the way her dresses at events fill with her body and lines. She knows that. But she dresses herself for nobody except herself and she keep ignoring them, not saying a word and just show them her wedding ring. They almost forget everytime that she’s the Luthor who married a Super, so she is a Super herself. But they still doing it, trying to flirt with her while she doesn’t give a fuck. At all.

                  When Kara was still alive she dressed for her. First for seduce her, when they were not a couple yet. Then for their dates, when they were a couple to be. Next, to her girlfriend, then for her wife. Kara has her favorites “Lena’s outfits”, some skirts, some shirt, some underwear’s, some jeans and blazers. But when Kara dies, she has no more reason anymore to dress for someone, her person, her special someone. So now, she just dresses for herself. Still thinking even in the pain, and sadness and depression she can try to stay pretty and beautiful.

And the fact that she is a public person, finally not let her the choice, she always ha to be dressing with killer clothes every time. She has to. She locks the door while she put her sunglasses on her nose and takes Krypto with her in the elevator.

Once in the parking lot of her building, she starts her car and drives out of the city.

She first goes to her favorite coffee shop for a a big Americano and donuts, two for her and one for Krypto. Once back in her car, she lights a cigarette and takes the way to go outside the city.

And drives, drives and drives again listening to her and Kara’s playlist and light a cigarette again, Krypto always his head on Lena’s knee.

 

                  She does that a lot, going out the city to escape herself form the people, the noise, the cars, her work and seeing human beings. Sometimes, she just can’t. She can’t stay in town, she can’t stay at home. She just need to see something else with Krypto. One day, when the pain was more tortuous than usual, she took her dog, she took her car and drove. She drove straight and found a lake. It was peaceful. It was desert from human souls. She fell in love with this place. So yes, sometimes when being alive is too painful, she drives there, sit on the floor and watch the peaceful lake. Today was one of those days.

But what she does not know is that her cars passed in front of Kara who was walking to Central Park. Kara did not saw her, so as Lena.

Last night was a hard night, insomnia took place in her head, brain and heart. It was one of those nights where Kara missed her in all the ways. All the ways. The space on the bed next to her was empty since almost one year and a half. All those nights where she was thinking about Kara’s hands on her body, her lips on her neck, her body behind her legs. The smell she always left on her throat. She way she whispered nice and sweet things in her ears while she was eyes closed, her neck exposed to Kara’s mouth, the way Kara kissed her chin to tease her, avoiding her mouth to make her beg for her.

Kara was the best lover she ever had and will ever have. And last night, she missed her, she physically missed her.

She thinks about this sometimes. Go in a club, find a girl, bring her in a hotel and have a one-night standing. No talks, no affection, no numbers exchange, nothing. Just a one-night shoot. To calm her. To take the sexual frustration away. But every time she thinks about that, she does not do it. Nobody will calm her. Nobody except Kara. Nobody is beautiful as Kara. They’re not her. They don’t have her touch, her way, her words, her knowledge about Lena’s desires and body.

No. Her love for her wife is too strong for that. Way too strong for that. But sometimes, she enjoys when people looking at her. She does not look at them, but they look at her. She likes to think sometimes that if people do that, that means that she is still alive, she is not dead or invisible. That she exists. That her existence, her physical existence is still effective, that her reasoning about “the good looking and killer clothes” are effective even if she is dead inside. That her heart beat to the wind but not to the Life. That is all she can have...a physical existence.

 

               

* * *

  

 

Kara is walking in streets of New York City. The noise around her, all this yellow cabs, business men and women on the phone, yelling at their interlocutor because the person next to them does the same so it’s a vicious circle.

She decides to go to a desert street to make some new tests to her powers. She can jump high enough but not enough to fly properly. She really needs this sun lamp.

She tries next her super breath but this one does not work more than 2 seconds and it’s really helpful to find Lena. Flying is, but it does not work yet. So as her supersonic eyes, not helpful too and not effective neither anyway.

She sit on the ground and closes her eyes. It’s time to try the super hearing.

She can ear people around her, some phonecalls, some fights, but not heartbeat. She can’t even hear her own heart. She decides to take a break and take to this rays of sunshine what she can get from them. But she is annoy with a band of guys.

 

“Eh little beauty, what are you doing her alone ?”

“I am taking a walk ?”

“Oh…you’re taking a walk ?”

“Yeah ? Is this forbidden ? I don’t think so ?”

“Do you want some company ?”

“No thanks.”, she answers trying to walk away form them.

 

On of the man takes her by the arms.

 

“Come on darling, come with us, or at least give us your phone number.”, he says touching her hips.

“Get your fucking hand of me.”

“Oh come on honey…you’re too cute.” Another guy says approaching her.

“I said. Get. Your. Fucking. Hand. Of. Me.”

“Or what ?”, the first guy asks behind her passing his arms on her hips.

 

She suddenly catches his arms and hits him on the nose. Kara tugs on his arm to pass his body over hers. The other man gives her a fist that she avoids while stooping while drooping it with her foot. The first one got up. It was a good brawler but Kara had the upper hand. She is faster, more agile and of course way more strong. She dodges all his blows. A moment of inattentiveness from her aggressor and she makes a kick back. He falls on the ground in the vapes.

 

“Who the fuck are you ?”

“I told you to not touching me.”

 

The guy takes his friend’s arm and they run away.

 

“Assholes.”, she whispers.

 

She sit on the floor trying to catch her breath and she suddenly laughs. She put her head in her hands and laughs again. She feels alive. Weakly alive but still. She did not lose her fighting skills. She need some serious training but this fight was like riding a back after years of no practice.

_She thinks about this night at a random bar with Lena. When a guy, a little drunk, went to theit table while Kara was asking drinks to the barman. The guy took her chai and started to speak to her girlfriend. They weren’t married this time. He was annoying and Kara saw it as soon as Lena pushed him away the first time. She gave up on their drinks and walked straight to her._

 

“Get away from her.”, she warned.

“A lady like her can’t be alone at a bar.”

“She is not.”

“And who are you ?”

“Her girlfriend.” She said laughing.

 

He had no idea of who she really was. The Girl of Steel, Supergirl herself, the overprotecting Lena Luthor’s girlfriend.

 

“How, that’s cute.”

“Yes, we’re cute.”

“Do you maybe wanna join me at my hotel.”

 

Kara looked at the floor, letting her hand on her hips, she smiled and laughed quietly.

 

“What part of “Her girlfriend.” You seem to don’t understand ? I am monogamous, she is monogamous…I let you make the addition.”

 

He stood up and faced her. She looked at him right in the eyes. And he sat down again with Lena.

 

“Maybe, we have to ask to this lay what she want to do.”

 

And Kara approached him.

 

“You touch her and you’ll will regret it.”

 

And he did not listen.

 

She broke his nose that night. Lena found this really chivalrous.

 

“Who the fuck are you ?”, was also what he said while he put some paper towel on his nose.

 

She laughs at the souvenir, shaking her head still walking to Central Park, before realizing that she was lost.

He took her two hours to found her way back. She walks slowly to save some energy. But at some point she find the good way.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lena is sitting on a blanket at the edge of the lake. Krypto is playing in the water and barks happily after her. She smiles at his dog and says to him.

 

“DO you want me to join you ?” she askes.

 

He barks.

 

“Okay. I am coming.”

 

She takes of her clothes and enters in the water with her underwear. The dogs swims to her and licks her head. She smiled.

 

“Krypto, stop it ! You’re like Kara. Always kissing me in the swimming-pool when I just want to swim by myself.”

 

She let herself floating in the water. Her eyes are close and the water is just warm enough for her. She slowly moves her arms in the water. It’s not too cold and she just let herself float.

 

* * *

 

 

_It was sunny day at their hotel. Hawaii was beautiful at this time of the year and the waves were perfect. September 2019, their honey moon trip. They made a reservation in the most luxury hotel in Honolulu. Kara never went to Hawaii and Lena wanted to show her what it was like. One of her favorite place on the planet. She showed her how surfing all the morning. Kara was not very good at surfing so after so many missed waves she just told Lena to go took the waves alone while she was taking some pics. Lena was very very good at surfing._

_Once the session over, they went back at their hotel, had lunch and went to the desert swimming pool. Kara was reading and Lena was floating just like that in the water. She loved and still loves being in the water so much. She loves swimming, she loves surfing._

_So she was just floating in the water without her sunglasses, she just enjoyed the warm sun on her skin. Kara saw her smiled and decided to join her. She entered quietly and slowly in the pool and walked to her wife. Lena was peaceful and was not paying attention but she felt Kara’s hand on her cheeks. She was behind Lena and she bent down and laid her lips on hers. Lena smiled, her eyes still close and they kissed under the sun._

 

* * *

 

 

She cries now, thinking about this.

 

“Come on Krypto. Let’s dry ourselves.”

 

He barks again following her in the water.

 

She dries herself and takes her book to read. Krypto was running after some butterflies so she takes some nice pics.

She read one hour before getting dress.

 

“Let’s go Krypt’, let’s go on a walk.”

 

He barks.

 

She really believes that sometimes this dog understands what she says.

 

She enjoys the wind in her hair and in her face. Her arms cross on her chest but she does not smile. She just wishes that Kara was here with her and their dog enjoying a sunny day outside the town. Recharge batteries, change air and get back in shape to start a new week. A C.E.O week with business things and trips and a Superheroes week with journalistic stuffs.

 

She carries on to walk and finally see the little dinner she uses to go when it’s a “Lake day”.

“Hello M’am Luthor.” Says a young teen.

“Hello Connor.”, she says with a little smile.

“Usual table ?” he asks petting Krypto’s head. “Do you wanna some fresh water little Buddy ?”

 

He barks.

 

“Yes, please. Can you me the salad of the day too please…I know that the service is over since a moment and I would understand if it’s not possible but…”

“It’s okay  Mrs. Luthor, don’t worry. Make yourself at home, I won’t be long.”

“Thanks John.”, she says softly on her way to her favorite table.

 

The young man brings to Kyrpto a big bowl of fresh water.

 

“Enjoy Buddy !”

“Thanks John.”

 

He smiles to her and goes back to the kitchen.

 

Few minutes after, her plate was in front of her. And the hunger passed her. But she eats something anyway. Her belly hurting her because she passes a lot of meal. She forget sometimes, she forget a lot actually. Sometimes, she was just lazy too, to make food.

She just lose the envy. She does not enjoy food anymore. She just eat to not die. She drinks to not die.

Since Kara’s death, everything is a question of survival.

Nothing motivates her anymore especially food.

Sharing a meal was one of her favorite things to do with Kara. She does not share anything with anyone now.

 

“Mrs Luthor, do you want your usual wine ? My dad just received this French rosé from Provence that you like.”

“Give me a glass yes.”

 

He smiles.

 

She spent the next hour looking at the window; Krypto was asleep next to her on the bench and she petting him by rote, looking at a point outside, her eyes lost like her thoughts.

 

“Kara would have loved this place.”, she thinks.

 

It’s 5 p.m now. So she decides to go back to New York because she has few hours of driving.

 

“Come on Krypto, let’s go, you’ll finish your nap in the car.”

 

She goes to the bar asking the addition to John.

 

“No need to paid Mrs Luthor. Nobody was here and it’s always nice to you.”

“No, no, John let me paid come on.”, she answers leaving a $200 bill on the counter.

“Mrs Luthor, that way too much.”

“Keep the change and buy you new science books !” she says opening the door and leaving, “Bye John.”

“Buy Mrs Luthor.”

She enters in her car and stays like this a little moment. But she starts to cry anyway. She let the tears falling on her cheeks until there are no tears anymore. This kind of grief happen a lot and there is no cure or solution. She has to wait for the tears to stop falling, wait for her heart to spot beating so fast, wait for her chest to be a little less heavy so she can finally focus on the road while she was driving.

 

She decides to put some music once she entered on the highway. She selects a playlist randomly.

She was not paying attention to the songs very much. She just wanted some noise to try to not to think so much, to distracte her brain and her heart. Krypto still his head on Lena’s knee.

 

And the pre-chorus of a song is playing and the words hit her like a fist in the teeth.

 

_“…but I need your morning, night and day,_

_I miss you every single way_

_We said forever but forever wouldn’t wait for us._

_You were my last young renegade heartache._

_It only took one night._

_Caught in the eye of a hurricane, darling,_

_We had to say goodbye._

_Underneath the…”_

 

“Enough !”, she says, turning off her phone, tears still falling.

 

She was not even paying attention to them anymore.

She got use to them. She got use to cry.

 

She get home tired and exhausted from the trip.

 

* * *

 

 

Once in Central Park, Kara goes to a little desert street and starts to climb the stairs to a building. She needs to see clearly and spot the highest building of the area, the one with flat roof.

She is high enough not to be seen.

She tries to sue super vision, it’s effective for few minutes so she eliminates the building where there are no flat roof or no penthouse at their tops.

 

“Okay, so she is not on the east side of the park. Let’s find a spot on the south side.”, she says to herself. “I hope my supervision will still work.”

 

She passes the park and climb again to a high spot. There are a lot of noises so it’s hard to focus on something. Whatever, no penthouse like Lena likes around.

 

“Let’s try the North. There is still hope….I better be right the sun will soon set.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

                  Lena is in the traffic, there is always traffic on the Upper East Side. It’s almost 10 p.m and she wants to go home now. She honks and yells at the cars, she is greeting by some middle fingers that she sends back with a dark look.

When she finally parks her car. She lets out a deep breath. She takes her bag and her dog and goes to the elevator.

                  At the ground floor, she has to take her private one. But what she seeing right now wasn’t in her plans for tonight. She stops to walk and look at the walls. The white wall. And she hears a voice ;

                  “I am sorry Mrs Luthor, I did not saw them and I don’t know how they entered in the building. I am gonna take care of this, don’t worry. I am sorry.”, says the guards.

“It’s okay Mr. McKinnon. I am use to it now.”

“I am deeply sorry…”

“Goodnight Mr. McKinnon.”

 

And she enters in her private elevator.

 

“Your blood murder Supergirl.” was painting on the wall. A vivid red like it was blood on it.

 

She drops her head and places her hand on her forehead, the other on the wall not to fall. She is shaken. Haters found her. She thought take moving away from National City could been the solution. But they found her. And she will no longer bear this. Support this. The hate. The negativity. The revenge.

 

“Click.”, makes the elevator. She is at her floor. She walks in the corridor to her big door. And she enters in her penthouse.

She let drop her bag on the floor. Krypto runs to one of the big couch and falls asleep quickly.

 

Lena takes off her shoes, in the hallway and goes to the bathroom.

She takes a long shower and hot shower.

Once done, she opens a bottle of red wine. An old French one, a Châteaux Cheval Blanc of 2007. A Saint Emilion. She loves Saint Emilion red wine.

She sat on her couch, her eyes still red from what she saw in the hallway od her building and tries to focus and get concentrate in her book. But it’s not very effective.

She started to cry again. It was unfair. She has nothing to do with Lex.

 

“What did I do to deserve all this anger ?”, she asks to herself.

 

* * *

 

 

No penthouse like Lena loves them in the North of the park. It starts to rain. A heavy rain.

 

But suddenly Kara feels it. She feels it. She raises her head, takes off her glasses and focus. She focus. She was not dreaming. She feels it. She feels Lena’s heartbeat.

 

“Oh My…oh Rao !”

 

She walks and walks and walks following the sound in her head. And suddenly, no more sound. It disappears.

 

“No, no, no, no. Come back !”, she says.

 

But the sound was not here anymore.

 

“Fuck !”, she thinks.

 

She looks around. She is in the Upper East Side. There is a big building in front of her. So see does what she did all the afternoon. She climbs and get focus with her supervision.

It was the one; It was this building. It could not be otherwise. It’s Lena’s building. So she starts to run and run and run to the place.

 

And the sound comes back. Lena was here, on the top of the building. Her heart is beating fast.

Kara decides to use her very very little source of super speed to pass the security and the guard at the reception in the lobby. She can’t believe it. She found it. She found her. She found Home.

She can’t use the normal elevator because Lena is living in private penthouse. She can’t use the private elevator but she just sees that you can’t activate it with a password. She enters the years of birth of Krypto and it worked.

Kara is a mess. Blood on her shirt, tears and dirt all over her from her long trip. She was wet from the heavy rain outside. But she did it. She found her Home.

Kara’s heart is a mess too. It’s beating so fast.

 

Here she is. In front of Lena’s bidg door. She knows that she is at home because she can see the light under it.

 

Her heart is about to explode in her ribcage. But Kara is Supergirl, she can do it. She has to do it.

 

 

_“Knock, knock, knock.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Lena’s jumps in surprise. Who can knock at her door when nobody knows that she lives here.

She just hopes that it’s not the people who wrote this bullshit on the wall in the lobby. She hopes that it’s Mr. McKinnon who will tell her that he cleaned the wall and that she does not have to be worry.

 

She stands from the couch with her glass of wine in her hand.

Krypto curious and mistrustful raises his head and follows Lena to protect her.

She is barefoot, wearing some slim grey sweatpants with a black hoodie.

 

“Who is it ?”, she asks.

 

No answers. Kara is silent on her spot at the edge of tears because she just heard Lena’s voice.

 

Krypto was not like usual. He sniffs the door and turns around himself and sniffs again.

 

And Lena opens it. She opens the doors fully and her glass of red win falls on the floor. It explodes in pieces, there was no wine anymore in it.

 

                  There is a silence. And she says.

 

“Who the fuck are you ? If this is a joke that’s not fucking funny and you better get out of my house before I call the police.”

 

Kara is there, standing in front of her wife. She is a mess. Tears in her eyes.

 

“Na”…it’s me.”

 

“No…it’s not you. My wife is dead. If it’s a fucking joke again I swear that I will call the police.”

“Na’…it’s me. It’s Kara.”

 

Lena looks at her. Lost, confuse and lost again.

 

“You’re not my wife. My wife was buried in National City. Go home, it’s  not funny.”.

 

She is about to close the door, the tears on her cheeks. But Kara’s hand is on the door to prevent her from closing.

 

“You’re Lena Saoirse Elizabeth Luthor. I met you with Clark Kent at L-Corp in National City, you were wearing a black suit with red lipstick. We get married on the beach. Our dog is Krypto. You gave him to me on my Earth Birthday. You cried when this man, Lemmy from one of our favorites band die, Motor Head, yeah, that’s the one. You cried and drank a bottle of Jack Daniel that night watching some live on our big TV. You love go surfing everywhere on the planet. I asked you to marry me on a rainy day. Your birthmark is at the bottom of your back, and its looks like a heart. You’re wearing Tom Ford fragrance. Your bestfriends are Maggie Swayer, my sister’s wife, Barry Allen, The Flask and Winn Schott. You sleeps on the left side of the bed.”

 

Lena is frozen.

 

Lena is about to first slap Kara in the face, knowing she will not feel anything because she is the Girl of Steel, because she is angry, sad and depress. Kara catches her hand in the air because its hit her cheek. And Lena sees it. Thus beautiful shade of blue. More beautiful than the one you can find in Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting. This particular Kryptonian blue that only one person in the universes has, Kara. It was Kara. She was her. She is here. And she knew. Kara is back.

 

She looks at her one more second before she breaks into a fountain of tears into Kara’s arms. She wraps her as strong has she can, not giving a fuck about what she looks like. A mess. Because she is a mess too. Feeling the skin of her neck on her cheek is like a dream. But she breaks their embrace and Lena takes a step back and says.

 

“You were suppose to pick me up at work for our wedding anniversary, I’ve waited days and days and days. You did not show up. Where were you ? What did you do ? We were supposed to celebrate. You never miss a celebration. You never miss a birthday, you don’t miss Christmas, Alex’s birthday, you never miss a date with me. Or you always call saying you’re sorry.  You did not came back that day, you were supposed to come back and not leave a shitty note on our bed. I am so mad. I so so so mad at you. I’ve had even brought some fucking shitty plane tickets to Island for our anniversary before you die. But you die and I still have them. I still have what we were suppose to do, but you never came back. You were supposed to come back, you promised me. You did a promise and you broke it. We were supposed to never breath without the other. I can’t breath since more than a year. We were not supposed to be separate in this way. We were supposed to grow old together and to make a family, have super little kids. But you did not came back at Home this day.”

 

Her voice is broken but loud enough, sad enough, angry enough. Desperate enough.

 

“And we found found your body, Winn found you in the dirt, and you did not breath anymore. Your heart was so weak. I know it because I heard it. And I lost you because you were dead. I thought that I lost you forever. You were supposed to come back home to me. You promised me.”

 

 She can’t stop herself to repeat that.

 

“You were supposed to come home safe and sound. You were the only thing that I had in the world. You were the last person I loved. You were supposed to stay with me and come back to me always and forever. And you never came back. And I could not even kill myself because of Krypto. Because he was ours and that you were already gone, I couldn’t leave him alone. But I thought about this so many times, and every days. Put my car in a wall, and bam! No more pain, no more surviving, no more suffering. What does not kill you makes you wish you were dead, like they say. But I have Krypto and he was only thing that I’ve had left. You were supposed to come back. Come back Home. Why did you abandoned us ? I could not stop thinking about you every day, every minutes, every hours. It’s a nightmare and a torture to woke up in a empty be every morning. And go to an empty bed every nights. Because you were supposed to came back and sleep with me, forever, wrap your fucking arms around me and kiss me fucking “goodnight” and kiss me the morning after fucking “good morning”. You were supposed to protect me and comfort me when I make nightmarse, and not a night passes without me making nightmare.”

She is almost screaming.

“I saw your dead body with this fucking and disgusting shades of green, see you in your coffin, dead but still…still...so so beautiful, your eyes closed, it was like you were about to wake up, this fucking kryptonite that killed you and my brother face at his trial. And when I woke up, all wet, and crying you weren’t here to kiss me, and to tell me that I was okay, that you were here, you did not kiss my forehead. I’ve move from our town because it reminds too much of us. Every places we eat, our bedroom, your sister, your mother, even Maggie, Winn and all the others. They remind me too much of you that I can even see them face to face because I cry every fucking time. Every sonsg, every books and movise that I can’t watch, listen or read anymore because they’re a little part of us. Of You. And I die the day we were looking for you and that Winn discover your dead body, found you. My heart stopped beating when I heard that yours wasn’t beating anymore. You had no right to die. You had no rights to not came back home that night. You had no right to die without me. You were suppose to come home. ”

 Kara is crying, Lena is crying and she can’t stop speaking because this are the heaviest things that she kept on her mind and heart. She needs too say that. She needs to empty her bag and heart because life has been a fucking nightmare since her wife, since Supergirl die.

 

“You had no right to die without me. No right. We made a promise that day, you told it yourself even in fucking Kryptonian. We were so happy and you die.”

“I am sorry, I am so sorry. I took too many time to coming back home to you. But you’re right. I promised you that I will always come back. Always come back to you. I am sorry it took more time that it should had. I am so sorry that I did not woke up that night. I am so sorry for the note. But I did not had the choice. I did not had the choice. He wanted to kill you. I am so sorry. I am sorry. I looked for you every where in National City and I found out that you were living in New York City so I crossed the country to come back home to you. To honor my promise to always come back home to you. I am sorry I took too much time. ”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter reunion 2/2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, I hope you will like it ! This is the second par of the chapter reunion. Few more chapters are coming. 
> 
> Thanks for the kind feedback about the 13th chapter, they were nice and they really made me smile a lot. 
> 
> I really hope that you will enjoy this one !
> 
> Link for the John Mayer's song of the title : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1d5c1fVxSA . 
> 
> Link for Leonardo Da Vinci's Saint Anne : https://www.herodote.net/_images/vinci_sainteanne2.jpg . 
> 
> Sorry for the English mistakes, vocabulary and grammar...it's not my first language...sorry again. 
> 
> Link for the Leonardo Da Vinci's drawing for the Sforza family : http://www.foliamagazine.it/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Leonardo-Studio-per-il-monumento-equestre-a-Francesco-Sforza2.jpg .

** Chapter 14.  **

                 

_This sadly famous night when Lena was so mad of was the worst night of her life for Kara. After the day that Krypto has been destroy._

_It’s not the pain in her chest, it’s not the fact that she saw Lena asleep on a screen where Lex or whoever put cameras at their place, it’s not the fact that she’s been killed just before the sunrise. She hated that night because she couldn’t not have told Lena about what she was about to do. She knew that she was about to die. Deeply in her heart, she knew that she would not come back that night. When she entered in their room, when she saw her wife asleep with a book next to her, with their dog at her feet and the lights of their nightstands on, her heart broke. It broke because it was the last time she was seeing her wife. Lena wrapped in their blanket, in their bed. No make up, messy hair and Kara’s tee and boy short. A part of her leg was outside the bed._

_She smiled sadly._

* * *

 

_“You don’t understand Hon’, when you let a piece of your body outside the blanket, it feels so so sooo warm after when you put it back under the blanket. It’s like always being warm.”, said Lena resting half of her leg outside the bed._

_“Am I not supposed to be your best blanket ? Is that because I am a Kryptonian ? What’s the point to married me if I can even be your favorite blanket ?”, she said dramatically a hand on her heart._

_“You…my love…”, she says getting closer to Kara and kissed her, “are the best warm and loving blanket in the entire galaxy. You’re always warm, and soft, and comfortable. Plus, I have you just for me. Because I, me, Lena, married you.”_

_“Don’t tell me that you married me just for my warm skills ?”_

_“Is that even a problem ?”, Lena said laughing._

_“You’re right, I am totally okay with that. Use me as a blanket as much as you want, as long as I am the only Kryptonian blanket in her life.”, said Kara faking thinking._

_Kara was laying on her side and Lena nested in the hollow of her neck, laying on her side too. Kara wrapped her arm around Lena, the other was the one where Lena put her head on._

_They were warm in each other embrace. Lena raised her head and kissed her softly on the lips._

_“Good night sweat Kryptonian Blanket of mine.”, she whispered against her mouth._

_“Good night my beautiful Human blanket user.”, answered Kara’s smile against Lena’s lips._

* * *

 

                  That night she took off her super suit, quickly dressed herself with a sweatpants and a shirt that she found in their bathroom. She layed next to Lena and did what Lena loved : playing the blanket. Lena moaned because Kara was finally home. But what she did not knew at this time, was that it was Kara’s last night alive. She get back to sleep, once she felt Kara’s lips on the skin of her neck. Turned to face her and drowned herself in the warm of Kara’s neck. Being a Kryptonian was extraordinary of course, to Lena but that means too : have a radiator for herself. A private one. And one who kisses her when she wants to be kiss. Kryptonians are more warm that Humans. And Lena perfectly took the note.

 

“I love you.”, she whispered before passing out.

“I love you too Na’.”, Kara answered tried to not exploded.

 

When the first rays of sunshine appeared in the sky, she get out from their bed. Went in the bathroom and took a clean super suit. Krypto followed her, like he knew what was happening.

 

“Buddy, I entrust you Mommy Lee’, you have to take care of her. Be a good dog and protect her when she needs to okay Buddy ? I need you to do that for when I’ll be gone. She needs you. ”

 

He moeans sadly and scrubed his head against her legs.

 

She went back to their bedroom. And sat few minutes on their bed and watched Lena peacefully asleep. The last souvenir she took with her was Lena’s body asleep, her leg still half outside the bed and her hair perfectly spread on her pillows. She wrote a note and left the piece of paper on her side of the bed. The right one.

 

She kissed her quietly and softly on her mouth.

 

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”, and she flew away.

 

That was the last time she saw her wife. The last kiss she made.

 

* * *

 

 

                  And now, now Lena was just in front of her. Her eyes red, she was crying. She was crying and she seems so sad. It was written on her face. She knew that the past year and half has been a torture and a succession of nightmares. Her eyes, this eyes that she used to loved so much, this eyes she fell in love with, were now so sad. They are a sad green. They were no longer shining anymore. It breaks her heart.

                  Krypto jumps everywhere. He smells her. He smells Kara and he recognizes her. He can’t be wrong. He can’t doubt. He knows that she is back. She is his owner. His Buddy is back.

 

 

“I woke up in my grave. I woke up alive and buried in my grave and…and…I don’t had my powers. You were the first thing who crossed my mind. And I had to find you. I had to find you before anyone else and anything else. I am on the road since three days. I…I had to find you. I had to find you. I had to come back home. I went to the National City L-Corp building and it was desert. I went to our Home…and…and you wasn’t there. I saw all this mails, all the dust in our lobby. And I thought that I lose you. That you were gone or worst….”

 

“Worst ?”, Lena asks with a broken voice. ”Krypto calm down.”

 

The dog sits between them and tries to stay calm but his tail moves in all direction and he moans for attention. But he listens Lena’s order. He stays calm and waits.

 

“For a second, for a second I thought that you moved on. That you forget me or just put me somewhere in your memory and started a new life, in another town, with another person.”

 

“Am I dreaming ?” Lena asks for herself.

 

“I would never forget you. I would never find another you. Never. Ever.”, she finally says to Kara.

 

“And I went to the library and I googled your name. I saw everything they done to you. I am so sorry. I swear that I tried to stay alive. I felt everything. I heard you and Winn, I felt Winn who carried me and felt your hand, I felt Alex’s hand. My eyes were open but I couldn’t do anything. I saw you. I remembered your face and everyone. I called you but nobody heard me. I called so you so much and so loud. And the second after nothing. It was all black and I can’t remember anything. I am so sorry Lena. I am so sorry. I took so many trains to get there. I was looking for you everywhere. And…”

 

She closes her eyes.

 

“And it was the worst 3 days of my life because I couldn’t felt it, I couldn’t felt it. For the first time I couldn’t felt your heartbeat and it terrified me. It was even worst that the pain of the bullets. It terrified me so much. But the thought of you, your smile, our life, this kept me motivate to coming home to you. I wanted to honored my promise. I would have rather die looking for you than do nothing at all. I just endured this 3 days….and I can’t imagine how hard it was to endure this weight on your chest for one year and a half…I felt the cold for the first time in my life, I bleed for the first time in my life and I can’t imagine, I can’t imagine you in pain for all this time. I am so sorry, I fought, I did all my best to save you and tried to come back home. I did my best I promise but he had Kryptonite and he showed me something, you asleep at home and he wanted to kill you…I couldn’t let him kill you. I couldn’t lost my Home a second time. _Never on a day you leave, I couldn’t leave you.”,_ whispering Kara “ _I am sorry, I took too many time to coming back home._ _I promised you that I always come back. I always come back to you._ I won’t let the Death itself separate us. I just did not planed or imagined that it could have take so much time. I love you, I love so much. Please forgive me Lena. Please…forgive me.”

 

                  Lena is looking at her. She walks to Kara looking at her in the eyes. She closes the door. And drowns herself in Kara’s arms. She hugs her with all the strength she has left in her. She feels so weak and so happy at the same time. She can’t stop crying. She can’t stop saying she’s sorry to said everything she said.

 

“I am so sorry. I should not have doubt, I should not have. But people, people are so mean and they make jokes. They make jokes with your death, I am so so sorry.”, she sobs on Kara’s face.

 

She sniffes, she can’t stop sniffles too. It’s too much. Kara is alive and she is so afraid that it was a joke or a dream or a hallucination. Again.

 

Krypto barks. Their dog is so happy and so excited.

 

“Come here Buddy. Come here.” Kara says.

 

The dogs approach her and scrubs his head against Kara side. She pets him happily and he carries own the bark and groan happily.

 

“You came back. You came back my love. I should have known. I should have know that you always come back to me. Oh my god, I can’t believe it. You’re here. You came back. You found me.”

 

She cries, and cries and cries and cries. And passes her nose on Kara’s face to find the smell of her wife back, the familiar smell of Kara. A soft and peaceful one.

 

Kara has her hands on her cheeks and she kisses her tears.

 

“You came back.”

“I told you, I made a promise, we had a pact. You, you before anything else. I need you more than the sun. I could not live without you before all that happened so I could not pass the eternity without you either. Moving mountains is more easy than live or die without you.”

 

And they’re kissing finally. It’s weak and strong and desperate. Lena pushing Kara against the door and Kara raises Lena by the thighs and she wraps her legs around Kara. She turns around and Lena was against the door now. And they kiss, they kiss and kiss and kiss again. It’s messy and desperate, tearful and watering.

 

“You came back.” Lena whispers.

“I can’t live and I can’t die without you.” Kara says.

 

They break the kiss, breathless. Their eyes are close and Lena passes her nose on Kara face again. All this lines she knows by heart. And they kiss again. More deeply more sadly, still desperate.

 

And suddenly, Kara feels weak, she let Lena almost fell on the floor to let herself completely fall on the floor.

 

“Kara !”

 

                  Kara is smiling to her wife, passing her hand on her cheek. She is weak. She is so weak.

 

“It’s okay. I..I.. I can’t believe that I finally found you.”

 

Lena smiles to her in tears, kissing her hand then her mouth.

 

“Tell me what do you need. Tell me what I have to do. Anything. I am here now. You found me, you don’t have to worry about anything now. I am here. I am gonna take care of you.”

 

Kara smiles and then closes her eyes.

 

“Can you…can you take off this clothes ? Please ? Put them in the trash. Just…just take off my clothes, please.”

 

“Okay…okay.”

 

Lena puts her back on her feet and places her arms around her shoulder and they walk slowly to the big bathroom. She sits Kara, eyes still close, on a grey armchair.

 

“Stay with me Kar’, keep your eyes open. Talk to me. I am gonna take care of you…you’re safe, everything is gonna be okay. Just don’t fall asleep yet.”, Lena says while she is taking Kara’s clothes off after having opening the faucets of the hug bathtub. First her shoes, then her shirk, her glasses.

When Lena tries to take of her off her shirt after her cardigan Kara opens her eyes and catches her wrist. She looks at her right in the eyes. Lena did not saw the blood on the shirt yet.

 

“Oh my…Kara you bleeding...”she whispers. “Let me see. Let me see okay ? I won’t hurt you.”

 

Kara slowly let her wrist go.

And Lena gently and softly unbuttons the buttons one by one. Kara still looking her in the eyes. Kara’s breath is fast, Lena knows she is in pains right now. After the last buttons she can finally sees it. The scars. The open and oozing scars. She puts her hand on her mouths.

 

“They’re still here. I am gonna take care of that okay.”, she is crying right now.

 

“I am okay. Don’t worry. It’s way less painful now that I am with you.”, she whispers.

 “Let me take this off.”

 

Lena throws the clothes away in front of the bathroom’s door. Kara is in underwear.

 

“Na’…there is dirt everywhere…”

“I don’t give a damn about the dirt.” She says softly smiling.

 

Kara smiles weakly.

 

“Can you take the rest off…it’s been three days I can’t stand this disgusting clothes. I really can’t stand them anymore. You don’t have to put me in the bath, I am not clean at all..I..I”

“What are you saying ? Of course I will but yes…yes, of course, I am gonna put them in the trash. You’re gonna take a warm bath. Okay ? I am gonna take care of you.”

 

“Okay”, quietly says Kara and Lena puts her lips on hers.

 

Kara is now naked and Lena is holding her to the tub. The water is warm and she lays in there now. Lena hold her by the neck and Kara turns her head to the side so she can look at Lena.

 

“Talk to me. Don’t fell asleep yet. You need to eat first. Talk to me about anything.”

 

There is a small silence where they share an “eyes to eyes” moment.

Kara smiles weakly.

 

“How are you ?”

 

Lena smiles and laughed in tears. The pressure she keeps since so much months slowly get away from her. She kisses Kara forehead.

 

“It does not matter. You’re here, you’re here and I feel so good. So good.”

“Do you know what I thought this past three days ?”

“Tell me.”, says gently Lena putting some shower gel in the bath.

“You.”

 

She smiles.

 

“I daydreamt for three days. I think it was in Boston, there was this little boy with a Stroomtrooper tee, and I remembered your last Halloween costume.”

 

Lena laughs soflty and says.

 

“You were the most beautiful Princess Leia ever.”

“I had to, you wanted to win the contest so much.”

“Eh ! No ! It’s not my fault if we were a killer couple at this party.”

 

Kara smiles.

 

“And in another station, this was this song in the speakers. I was trying to enjoying the sun…and it was the Simple Plan one…do you remember ?”

“Do you mean us ? Us literally fucking in my car in a desert street before Alex’s birthday ?”, asks Lena with a smirk.

 

Kara laughs and starts to cough. It hurts her chest and little tears appear on the side of her eyes.

 

“You know…in one of the last trains I took. There was this little girl, Hannah, she was with her Mom and she said to me if I was Supergirl or if I knew Supergirl. I did not say the true but she told me that Supergirl was her favorite person and that her Mom allowed her to burn a candle at the city hall of her town. She seemed so sad and she spoke about me. She said that a friend of her has a favorite singer, a favorite person, Katy Perry and she said that she did not have a favorite singer…but that her favorite person was Supergirl. She was so sad. Her Mom told her that Supergirl made a sacrifice so she has to become a good person because they had a second chance. But you should have seen her Na’..this little girl was so sad…I disappointed everyone. And all this little kids who believed in me, who loved me, I disappointed them. I saw this pics on Internet, some children leaving their red cap on some kind of memorials…I saw their eyes. I let them down. I abandoned them. I disappointed them, I disappointed everyone. Alex, My Mom, Cat, everyone. I disappointed you. I broke your heart.”, she says sitting in the bath her chin on her knees, looking Lena in the eyes.

 

She is in tears now. She can’t stop herself to cry and Lena looks at her in concern.

 

“I let everyone down. I saw what the media did to you. I saw the pics, I saw the comments, I saw all the death threaths, some L-Corp building on fire. I saw everything. I let you down, I took too much time to come back and I couldn’t defend you, I couldn’t help you.”

“Eh, eh, eh…Kara look at me !” says Lena as she enters in the bathtub and sits in it in front of Kara.

“Lena what are you doing ? You still wearing your clothes.”

“I don’t give a fuck. Look at me.”, she says holding Kara’s face. “You did not disappointed anyone. You gave your life to save our town. You should have seen people, how proud they were. You should have seen all this children in the streets wearing the colors of your house. Look at me Hon’, you did not disappointed anyone. You saved us, you gave us another chance, Lex is in jail now, he is in jail for the rest of his life. You did not abandoned us, you sacrificed yourself for the National City citizens. Even if...even if you sacrificed us, our life, you saved everyone. It broke my heart but…at least…I knew what being happy feels like. With you. And I cherished this every days. I was so, so proud of you. My wife saved the world. My heart was broken but deeply in me I knew that it was not for nothing. I was still mad, you can’t imagine how mad I was, because I could have help you, me and our family. And I was so in love with you to see you go. I am so in love with you.”

 

Kara lets herself laying in Lena’s arms.

 

“Don’t be mad at me Na’…please don’t be mad at me.”

“I am not mad at you…how can I be ?” says Lena in tears again Kara’s wet forehead. ‘I can’t believe I am holding you right now.”

 

Kara raises her head and they kiss. The bathroom is a mess, there is water everywhere on the floor. Lena is completely soaked. She wraps her arms around Kara’s neck while she hold her face close. They kiss and they kiss and they kiss again.

 

“We’re gonna get through this, okay ? We’re gonna…we’re gonna get through this. I am gonna take care of you. We’re stuck together okay ? It’s gonna be hard but we’ll get through this. I am here.”

 

Lena lays down in the bathtub and Kara rests on her chest. She’s still fully dress but she does not care. She eventually takes off the wet clothes and takes care of Kara, washing her hair, washing her back.

 

“You still wearing this underwear ?”, asks Kara.

“Hon’ you know that there’re my comfy one.”, smiles Lena.

 

She wraps her in big and hot white towels.

 

“Come here.”

 

Kara sits on the same grey armchair and Lena gently pats the towel on Kara’s face.

 

“Feel better ?”

“Yes.”

“Lay down Love...I am gonna take care of your scars.”

 

But instead of letting the towel from her chest she adjusts it against her.

 

“Don’t worry…I will do my best to not hurt you. We need to clean them and make a bandage…don’t worry I got you.”

 

Kara nods quietly and let the towel fall on the floor.

 

“Is this okay like this Kar’ ? Not to tight ?”

 

She nods again. Lena smiles and Kara kisses her without moving her lips. She just rests her lips on Lena’s mouth.

 

“You can’t imagine how much I missed this. How much I’ve missed you.”, says Lena with a broken voice.

“That’s all I wished since I woke up.”

“Let’s get find you some comfy clothes.”

 

Kara sits on the edge of the bed and Lena enters in her giant dressing room.

 

“There. I have some pj’s of you. Tee and sweatpants should be perfect to feel comfortable.”

“Oh…my oversize A Day To Remember tee. That’s perfect.”

“Let me help you.”

 

Kara let Lena put the pj’s. Lena let herself slide in the bed and passes her hand on Kara’s forehead.

 

“Is this comfortable enough ? We can go into one of the guests room.”

“No. It’s perfect.”

“Relax. I come back.”

“Where are you going ? Don’t leave me alone.”

“I am gonna take my phone in the living room and order some food.”

“Please be quick. I don’t wanna be alone.”

“I promise.”, she says kissing her.

 

 

                  It took her no more than 5 minutes before she went back to her bedroom. Kara was laying in the big king size, wraps in the white and grey sheets.

 

“Three family size pizza, milk and Honey, Buffalo and the special burger one. With thirty potstickers. Is this okay ? I can order more if you want. I also pick up this from the medicine cabinet, I know that it’s for humans, but if you did not have your powers back yet, maybe they can be effective if your metabolism is still in repair. You’ll feel better. ”

“Thanks. Pizzas and potstickers are perfect right now. I dreamt to eat them every second since I woke up.”, says Kara drinking the glass of water with the pills.

“Can I leave you for few minutes, just the time for me to find dry clothes.”

 

 

She nods.

 

Kara gets up once Lena goes to the dressing room. She walks through the room. It’s white, with an authentic parquet flooring. The bedroom is very big. There is big TV in front of the bed with videos games and blu-ray around it. She turns and notices the wall, on the side of Lena’s bed. It’s a completely blank wall, nothing against it. There is just pics, dozen and dozen pics. All of them are in polaroid format. She walks to them and remembers every moment she sees on the pics.

The most beautiful one is a picture avec their wedding. It’s the biggest picture of the wall. James took all of them and this one has been taken from their back, they were kissing and James took the pic behind her while they were sat on white chair in the castle they rent for the event in front of the beach.

The other is a picture of her wearing her super suit and Barry wearing The Flash one too, they’re holding Lena bridal style way. Kara holding her bust and Barry her legs. They’re all smiling. She loves this one.

 

There are selfies too, one from their honeymoon, one in Paris, one at the Fuji Month, one that Winn took in Russia while they were miming a Russian dance at the Red Place. Each pic is the translation of a happy souvenir. And the others are pics where we can see Alex, Maggie, Eliza, James, Cat, Lucy. There is one or two faces that Kara does not very well but know that they’re Lena’s friends. Like her lawyer, Elizabeth Sloane, her friend from boarding school. This one was taken in Monaco, they’re drinking champagne on a boat. They did not know each other at this time. Lena was probably 20 or 21 years old, so as her friend. There is the famous Halloween contests, Kara as Princess Leia with her arms around Lena’s neck while she took a serious pose with her E-11 blaster rifle and her helmet under her free arm.

There are pics of Kara alone too. Lena took them in their bed, most of them are Kara smiling or asleep.

Few pics of Krypto.

                  Kara turns her head and sees a drawing at the opposite of the wall. The drawing is under glass with a large black and square frame. It’s at the center of the wall. Kara has her eyes wide open and approach the piece of art. She passes her fingers on the glass.

 

“Do you like it ?”, she ears from behind.

                  “Yes, it’s...it’s really beautiful.”

                  “Leonardo Da Vinci drawn it.”

                  “What ? Are you kidding me ?”

                  “No. I went in an auction in London last year. I fell in love with the blue. It reminded me of your eyes. So I just buy it.”

 

                  Kara sits on the bed. Her legs hurt but she still looking at the wall.

                 

“In 1483 the Duke of Milan, Ludovico Sforza proposed to Leonardo Da Vinci to built the largest equestrian statue in the world. Something for his father, Francis Sforza, the duke of Milan before him, from 1452 to 1466. He was the founder of the Sforza House. Leonardo Da Vinci was perfectly aware of the importance of the equestrian figure and the horse. It’s one of all the esquisses he made. He studied horses and it took him sixteen years to make the statue. But…I bought it for the blue. Because it looked like so much like your eyes.”

 

                  “You could not buy “The Virgin and Child with Saint Anne” so you bought this one ?”, asks Kara.

                  “You remember ?”

 

Kara smiles, Lena looks at the ground because Kara knows what she is talking about. And she finally says it.

 

                  “I especially remembered that you cried when we saw this piece. You stayed more than a hour in front of this one.”.

                  “Yeah…yeah…that’s true.”

 

There is a small silence.

 

                  “I could never buy this painting, you know it. This one will stay forever at Le Louvre…but I am so…

“”…in love with the shades of blue on Saint Anne’s dress. Because it reminds you my blue eyes.” You couldn’t stop repeat this””., Kara finishes for her.

 

Lena smiles. Now, right know, at this second, she is happy. Her heart is about to exploded and she says.

 

“And even if this one would be available at an auction…I couldn’t buy it, it would be too expensive.”, she says while she sits next to Kara.

 

“But you know what ?”

“What ?”

“You’re my favorite shade of blue.”

 

And they kiss. It’s soft, less deep than earlier. Kara keeps herself in balance with her hands on the bed while Lena hold her face with her hands. It’s a kiss of love, a kiss of hope full of promises.

 

Then it’s rings at the door.

 

“Dinner’s ready.”, Lena whispers.

 

                  Kara is still very weak. She can’t talk or move a lot. She breaks down a few times while they eat so as Lena. Everything seems so unreal, like it’s a dream or a hallucination. Lena hopes that she won’t wake up this time. She hopes so much. Because if it happens, it could kill her this time. Kill her for real. She wants to exploded in tears but she has to stay strong for Kara. She has to keep herself sane and together. She can’t stop herself to look at her wife. The last year and a half passes in her head, she sees them. She sees all the bad memories and souvenirs. She feels her heart break and the weight and the pressure on her chest and in her heart are still there, they’re still there somewhere. Lost in her body, wandering within her. Yes, she could not stand another dream. This time it feels so real and if it’s a dream, her heart won’t handle it one more time. She wants to kiss her, she wants to catch all the kisses she couldn’t have the past year and a half. She wants to catch everything they miss, everything they could have feel or live. But she can’t, she can’t. Kara has to recover first. Kara needs some rest. She needs to eat, she needs to sleep. So Lena just stay there, on her bed. She holds back and contains herself.

 

“I love you.”, she just says.

 

Kara smiles.

 

“I love you too.”

 

There is another silence until Kara starts to cough. It’s hard and paintful. And there is some blood on her hands.

 

“Oh my...Kara !”

“I need the sun. I need sunshine.”

 

 

And it hits Lena in the face.

 

“A sun lamp. Yes ! You need a sunlamp.”

 

                  Lena gets up and runs to her office. She opens another door, a hidden one with a password and enters in her home lab. She opens every drawers and finally found it. It’s a small sun lamp that she kept in case of Kara was hurt in a fight.

 

                  She runs again to her bedroom. Kara is half lengthened and still coughing.

 

“There. Hold in against you.”

“You kept it ?”

“Yes…I kept it….now lay down..”

 

And she does. She lets her head resting on the fresh and comfortable pillows. Lena lays on her side, she is looking at Kara.

 

Kara turns herself to face her. And suddenly Kara starts to cry.

 

“What ? What is it ?”

 

No answer.

 

“Hon’ talk to me. Kara I am right there. Talk to me. Are you hurt ? Do you need another bandage ?”

“This pillows.”

“What, what about them ? Do you need more, do you need less of them ?”, Lena asks panicking.

“They smell like you. They smell so much like you.”

 

Lena finally smiles and softly laughs in tears. But those are tears of joy and relief.

 

“They smell so much like your hair. I missed this. I missed this so much.”

 

                  They grab each other hand and they carry on the cry of joy. Before everything that happened, laying down next to each other, face to face was usual, it was normal. But then, this same things happened and the simple fact of just be like that in a bed, in their bed was like a dream. More than that, it became impossible.

 

“Come here.”, simply whispers Kara.

“Come with me. Let me kiss you.”, she continues letting the sun lamp to her side.

 

And Lena does. She approaches her and Lena is now cuddling against Kara’s side, she is still

 

“No. Come here.”, she rectifies while she changes her position, half lengthened against the bedhead.

 

                  Lena understands now what Kara is asking her. She is on her knees and passes her right one above Kara.

 

“Are you sure ? I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“My legs are okay if they stay like this. Come here now...please.”

 

                  So Lena does it, she sits on Kara’s leg, she straddles her. Kara straightened up and they’re now face to face. Their mouths so close. And Kara breaks the distance, this very small distance. She put her hands on Lena’s hips, while she put hers on her cheeks. And they kiss again. The soft kiss, slowly becomes a deep one to ends up as a kiss of amativity. The breaths are fast, the mouths are wet and the touches are burning of something more. Kara kisses Lena’s neck while Lena is rocking her hips against Kara. Mouths are back against each other and suddenly at the same time, they break the embrace. They break the kiss. They can’t do it. They can’t do it right now. Kara is too weak and Lena is a mess of feelings. So they stay like this for a little while, nose against nose melt with panting breaths. Kara moves them to be back on the initial position. She feels weak, she is tired. But at least, she forgot few minutes the Hell that she’s been through.

                  They share a smile who tells everything and Lena just let her head resting in Kara’s neck. Then they suddenly hear a noise behind the door until the door opens itself and they see Krypto happily barking at the door.

 

                  “Come here. Come here with mommies.” Kara whispers and she feels the smile of Lena against the skin of her neck.

                  The dog jumps on the bed finds a spot against the other side of Kara. The little Super Luthor family is now complete.

 

                  It’s the middle of the night now. Kara just fell asleep holding Lena’s against her. They can’t break the touch right now. It’s impossible. They need it, they need their link and physical connexion back. Krypto sleeps since few hours now, against her leg. But Lena does not sleep. She can’t. She is too afraid to wake up alone and face the reality of another dream. A perfect one. So she just looking at Kara, her breath is heavy, and loud and hard but at least, at leat she breaths. At least she is here, she is there with her, in the same bed, warming the space next to her. The same space who’s been cold for too many time.  

 

 

 “El Mayarah.”, she whispers against Kara’s face.

“El Mayarah.”, Kara whispers back, so gently that only the proximity she shares with Lena allowed her to heard her.

And Lena finally falls asleep. 

 

**_"Love grows in the time it's been_ **   
**_Since you last held her hand_ **   
**_She'll fight for you like hell"_ **


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the reunion night. Lena's call to Alex and Barry. 
> 
> And the one where Eliza and Alex finally see her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for the wonderful feedback on the 14th chapter !
> 
> This one is a kind of transition for the next part of the pic, moving back to National City, etc, etc. 
> 
> Future Kara's struggles and how everyone will deal with it especially Lena. 
> 
> Enjoy, :). 
> 
> And thanks again, very very VERY much ! :). 
> 
> Link to the Paramore's song "The Only Exception." : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J7J_IWUhls .

 

                  4:57 am, Lena is wake up by a scream.

 

“Kara.” she thinks as soon as she opens her eyes.

 

It’s a painful scream. She opens her eyes and turns to Kara. She is still asleep but she moves, she moves so fast. Kara is struggling still asleep, she does not notice Lena. She sweating. Lena feels it as the touch.

She turns on the lamp on her side.

                  And Lena immediately notices the little traces of blood on the white pillow and on the corners of Kara’s lips.

 

“Kara !”

 

                  She can’t hear it.

 

“No. No ! You can’t do that ! You can’t do that you have no right ! Leave them alone !”, she screams in pain.

 

Lena tries to not panicking.

 

“Kara. Honey, Kara, it’s me ! Wake up you’re safe. It’s Lena. It’s me, you’re home. You’re having a bad dream. Kara it’s me.”

 

“Don’t you dare to touch one hair of my wife, I will kill you with my bare hands.”, she screams again.

 

Lena is crying. She does not know what to do.

She is on her knees next to Kara and takes her by the shoulders.

 

“Kara ! KARA WAKE UP ! IT’S LENA ! I AM HERE ! I AM FINE !”

 

                  She opens her eyes. Her breaths are louds and irregular. Lena can read the pain in her eyes. Kara is crying.

                 

“He was touching you ! He put a gun on your head. He was about to kill you.”, she cries curling on her spot.

“Eh, you’re safe.”

“You’re not. I AM GONNA KILL HIM ! I AM GONNA CUT THIS BASTARD’S TROAT!”, she suddenly says angry and with rage.

“I am safe too. I am here. He is away. No need to kill him. He is away. Very far away from us.”

 

                  And Kara explodes in tears.

 

“I was about to lose you. One more time. I was about to lose my home for the third time. You should have seen his eyes. They were so dark and so scary. I couldn’t saved you.”

“Everything is okay Kar’. I am here. I am gonna protect you.”

 

There is a small silence.

 

“Do you want me to call Alex ?”

“No. No call.”

 

Silence.

 

“Are you sure ? If I call now, they can be there tomorrow morning.”

“No. Not now. I want to have you a little much longer.” Answers Kara taking place on Lena’s chest.”I want a little much time for us. I need some calm.”

 

                  She is still crying. And Lena wraps her to make her feel safe and sound and she wipes Kara mouth’s corners with her tee. That’s all she can do now. She does not have super power. But at this second Kara could swear that Lena is a super heros, her super heros.

 

“Hold me. Just hold me please. Don’t let me go. Please don’t let me die. Don’t let me go back there. It’s all black and scary.”

 

But what that they’re don’t know yet is that it’s just the beginning of a new nightmare.

 

Kara falls back asleep but Lena stays awake. Once she is sure that Kara’s breaths are regular even if they’re a big mess of tears and pain she let herself go to the tears.

 

“What are we gonna do ? How can I do this ?”, she asks to herself.

 

Krypto feels it. He feels Lena’s pain and jump back on the bed, he sniffs Kara. Her chest, her arms, her face. And goes back to Lena’s free arm. And pet her face with his head. He groans weakly.

 

“We’re gonna fix Mommy Kar’ Krypt’, you’ll see she is gonna be alright and you could go back to go to run with her in the woods. We will show her our lake, our bench in Central Park with your favorite ice cream stop,  It’s okay Krypt’, we’re gonna be okay.”, she tries to convince herself more than her dog.

 

 

The rest of the night is calm. Lena stays awake in case Kara having a bad dream again.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s 7am now. She tries to not wake Kara up while she tries to get out from the bed. She takes her phone and goes to the living room and to her private roof. She lights a cigarette and composes Alex’s number. But she turns off right away. She takes a drag, and another and she tries again.

 

“Lena ? Is everything okay ?”

 

Silence.

 

“Lena ?”, she asks Alex’s half asleep.

“Listen. I am gonna ask you something but you have to promise me to not ask questions, okay ?”

“Lena, what are…”

“Please.”

“Okay.”

 

_“Who is it ?”, she hears from the phone. “If it’s J’onn so early in the morning I swear…”_

_“No, it’s Lena.”_

_“Oh !”, she smiles half awake._

 

“Can you come to New York City, like right now ? Can you ask Eliza too with J’onn. Ask Winn, Cat and James too please. And Clark.”

“Lena Wh…”

“I said no questions, please. Please Alex.”

“I..”

“Alex.”

“Okay. No questions.”.

“If the transport is a problem I can send my jet and a car once at the airport.”

“Okay. Okay let’s do this. I call them right now.”

“Please be quick.”

“Okay. But, is everything alright ? You scare me right now.”

“Please. Just come as fast as you can.”

“I’ll keep in touch.”

“Please.”

 

                  And they hang off. She lights another cigarette. And enters a code on a satellite phone.

 

“Nana’ ? Lena is that really you ?”

“Eh Ry..”

“Oh my God it’s so good to hear your voice. I had your message, don’t forget that you can come when you want, just say it and it’s okay. Is everything okay ? How are you ? Do you need anything ? I can come right now if you need me. I miss you so much.”

“Ry’…can I ask y-“..

“Yes, whatever you want.”he says straight without letting her finish her sentence.

“Can you come to my Planet in few hours.”

“Yes, of course. What is the…”

“No. Please. Don’t ask any questions I just need you to come. I’ll call you back for the details. Okay ?”

“Okay. But Nana’ is everything alright ?”

“Just say that you’ll come Ry’, please. I need you.”

“Of course. Anything for my sister.”

“Thanks Ry’.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, thanks.”

 

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She texts her plane pilot to go to National City as soon as possible. The jet is almost on its way now.

 

She opens the window and watch the Central Park landscape. At this second she finally thinks that New York City is beautiful. Just for a second. She hated this city so much, so much, this past months. She went few times before Kara’s death and always enjoy the town. Fancy restaurant, typic dinners, donuts shops and things like this. But when she moved in, she hated it at the second she put a foot on the tarmac at the airport. But at this exact second, she thinks that New York City is beautiful.

 

Her phone rings. She looks at the message. It’s Alex.

 

“Everyone is ready.”

“I already send the jet. The plane will land around 3pm. Departure at 4. You will arrive in New York City around 9pm.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

 

It’s important now. Important for Alex to tell Lena that she loves her. She learnt that nothing is really ours because everything can fall in a second. She learnt that. She took and learnt the lesson. If something happens, they’re aware that they love each other. She goes to check on Kara.

She still can’t believe it. Her wife is back. She is there, in her bed. Asleep. In pain but alive and asleep.

They’ve been through so much shits. So much things. Before Kara’s death they always saved each other. She lays on the door and she is looking at her. She seems so weak. She is so weak. Like a kid. A little kid. She has nightmares now. The light at the end of their tunnel seems far away. But at least, at least they’re together.

Lena goes on her bed. Kara is moving. But it’s some unusual moves. She is having a nightmare again.

 

“Honey.” She says softly, ”Honey I am here. It’s okay.” She continues taking Kara in her arms still asleep. Kara opens her eyes. Lena kisses her on the lips. A soft and loving kiss.

 

“You smell like smoke. Did you get back to cigarettes ?”

“Yes…I am sorry.”

 

Kara smiles and laying on Lena’s thighs and on her belly. Lena passes her hands in her hair. Kara kisses her belly.

 

“I am tired.”

“Then go back to sleep my love.” She whispers.

“I am feeling not well. I feel nauseous. I wanna puke. ”

“I know. I called Alex, she’s in on her way. We will go at the D.E.O as soon as possible and doctors will examine you.” Says Lena.

“Will you stay with me ?” she says hopefully.

“Of course. Of course I will stay. Now go back to sleep. It’s okay.”

“Can you hold me until I fall back asleep.”she asks in a whisper.

“Everything you want.”

 

They kiss and Lena is rocking Kara slowly, humming a song softly.

 

_“_ ** _When I was_** ****_younger I saw my daddy cry_  
And curse at the wind.  
He broke his own heart and I watched  
As he tried to reassemble it.  
  
And my momma swore  
That she would never let herself forget.  
And that was the day that I promised  
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.  
  
But darling,  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception.  
You are the only exception. _»_

« It’s our song. It’s my favorite band. » whispers Kara against Lena’s belly.

«I know. Do you remember ? How we danced on it when everyone went to their room ? »

« Yes. We were surrounded by balloons and there was only one little light.»

« It was just the two of us in the giant ball room. I put my phone on the enormous speakers and we dance slowly. »

 

Kara nods against her and a few minutes after she was asleep.

 

 

**_« I've got a tight grip on reality,_** **** __  
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here.  
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up.  
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.  
Oh-oh-oh-ohhh.  
  
You are the only exception »

****

 

 

Lena get out of the bed and goes straight to her bathroom. She looks at the mess. Water everywhere, her completely wet clothes. And Kara’s one. They’re at the door. She takes them and observe them. She looks at the clothes and her heart breaks. She holds them against her. And she starts to cries. And it’s too much. She sees Lex face, she sees him become bad and insane. She sees Clark in pain surrounded by Kryptonite and she sees Kara now. She sees her dead body, again. And it comes in her mind and spirit like a circle. A perfect circle who can not stop turning. It hits her in her head and it hurts. It hurts so much so she takes them and put them in the kitchen sink. She takes her lighter and burn them. They burn and become dust. They burn and it’s almost feel good.

She put some towels on the floor to clean the mess and she takes a hot shower. She cries again and sits in her shower. She needs it. She needs to let herself crying on her own she can’t do it in front of Kara. Kara can’t entirely knows how the Hell it was to live without her. She let herself few minutes. She needs it or she will become insane and she can’t be in front of Kara. She has to be strong so Kara will recover easier.

                  She gets out of the shower and enters in her dressing room. She get dress. A slim, another pair of Yeezy shoes with a grey tee. She makes a perfect ponytail and takes her phone. And then goes back on her bed. Kara is still asleep, almost. She drowses.

 

“Where were you ? I was alone.” She cries.

“I was just taking a shower. And ordered breakfast.”

“Don’t leave me alone. Please, don’t leave me alone.”

“I am sorry Kara. I thought you were asleep.”

 

She holds her, Kara needs to do that.

 

“Kiss me.”

 

She does.

 

“You smell so good.”

“Really ?”

“Yes. You’re beautiful.”

“I just took a shower.”

“It does not change the fact that you’re beautiful.’

 

And she continues, “You’re my favorite shade of green.”

“You’re the one.”

 

There is a silence until Lena says.

 

“Alex will arrive around 9pm tonight.”

“Really ?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“For what ?”

“Called her.”

“I did not said anything about you. I just asked her to come here, I send my jet.”

“You still have it ?”

“Yes. I don’t like travel with people.”

“I know.”

 

* * *

 

                  There is a knock on the door, it’s their breakfast.

 

“Pancakes ?”, asks Lena.

“Yes. Please.”

“I am gonna pay. I’ll be back.”

 

She puts the bags on the coffee table. And goes back to her bedroom to take Kara.

 

“Do you need some help ?”

“No. I am fine.” Says Kara trying to get up.

 

But she falls.

 

“Let me help you.”

“No !”

“Kara, your legs are weak. Let me help you.”

“…fine.”

 

                  She takes her by the hips. Kara is weak and still coughing. They walk slowly to the living room. Lena sits Kara on the couch and wraps her with the softest blanket in the world.

 

“I am sorry…I was upset..”

“Don’t worry about that. I would have said the same.”, she smiles kindly.

“You did not took anything from National City.”

“No.” she answers almost cold.

 

Silence.

 

“I just took ours pictures, my clothes, your clothes and Krypto. That’s all I needed.”, she continues.

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

 

                  Kara eat more pancakes that it was possible to eat, she even finishes Lena’s.

 

“I don’t feel very well. My head hurts, my chest hurts….I wanna puke.”

“You’re gonna take a bath. We will change your bandage, you will take pics and they will cure you at the D.E.O.”

“Are we go back to National City ? ”

“You need to see doctors first.”

“I don’t wanna see them.”

“I know but we need you to have a complete check up, you bleed when you cough. It can be serious.”

“I wanna go Home. I wanna go home now.”

 

Lena smiles sadly.

 

“Me too. But we have to be patient. You need to be able to stay on your feet first.”

 

They go back to the bathroom before going back to the bed. Kara is more and more weak. Lena is worried. The scars carry on to bleed, it’s infected and she shivers. She can see this sad shade of green see saw the night she saw her dead body at the D.E.O.

“We’re on our way.” Texts Maggie.

“Be safe and careful. Two cars will wait.” She texts back.

 

* * *

 

 

Lena watches Kara asleep or having bad dreams until she heard the door bells. She takes a deep breath. Kisses Kara on her forehead. She is wraps in the big blanket. She felt cold earlier. Lena is more and more worry. Hours after hours, the mountains of tissues with blood on them were now on the floor on Kara’s side of the bed.

 

She arranges her hair in the mirror in the hall before opening the door. And she sees everyone. They’re all here.

 

“Oh my…”, says Lena starting to cry. She is so happy to see them. She is so relief to see them all.

Alex takes her in her arms and wraps her with her love.

 

“I am so happy to see you.”, Lena whispers.

“I missed you so much.”, Alex whispers back.

 

She sees Maggie and throws herself in her arms.

 

“Oh Magg’. I am so sorry, I am so happy. I missed you so fucking much.”

“Don’t do that to me again Luthor. I love you so much. I missed your always ugly perfect pretty face. ”

 

Everyone hugs Lena with all the love they have. Especially Winn. Everyone is crying. The last time they were all together in the same space was after Lex’s trial. Eighteen months ago. The last Thanksgiving does not counts, Barry was not there so as Cat.

 

And Lena tries to dry her tears while she closes the door. And she says.

 

“Something happened yesterday night. Something happens and I couldn’t call you right away. I needed to wait a little and try to realize.”

“Oh my God, Lena are you sick ?”

“No ! Of course no.’

“Is everything okay ?”

“I need to speak to Alex and Eliza first.”

 

They all enter in Lena’s house. They’re all subjugate by the beauty and the immensity of the penthouse.

 

“Damn Luthor, I understand now why Upper East Side is so expensive.”

 

Lena smiles.

 

“Make yourself at home, I am gonna speak to Eliza and Alex. There is beers in the fridge, snacks, just take them if you want.”

 

                  They follow her in the corridor and Lena stops at her bedroom door. She takes a deep breath.

 

_“How am I suppose to to do it”, she thinks. “How am I suppose to tell that Kara is back ?”_

 

She shakes her head and took another deep breath.

 

“Listen. Something happened last night and I still can’t realize it. But it happened and…and…it’s a miracle. I can’t explain it. I don’t why or how it happened. But we have to be very careful. I will open the door now.”

 

And she opens it. And they see her. All they can see is her back. She is still deeply asleep and all they can see is her back and some of hair spread on the pillows. Her breath is still hard, loud and very irregular. But she’s here. It’s Kara. And she is here. She is alive and asleep in Lena’s bedroom.

 

Their eyes are wide open. Eliza falls on her knees covering her mouth with her hand. Alex can’t stay stand up too. She lays on the door and she cries. Hot tears fall on her cheeks. Her little sister is alive. Kara is back. And she smiles. She smiles so much that it almost hurt.

They can’t see her face but they know. A mother could recognize her daughter even she was blind, deaf and mute. A sister can recognize her sibling with just a heart link. With just an intuition. They just know. It just happens. It’s life. It’s life and sometimes life can be beautiful. Life can be beautiful even if sometimes we don’t understand how or why things happen to us. Or for how long. It just happens. Nobody has answers. And we will never have this answers. And right know, Life brought them back the little sunshine who used to bright their daily routine. Who used to brought them so much joy, so much love, so much smiles that once this sunshine been gone, everything went dark and painful. There was no joy, no love, no smiles anymore. Life needed to take this sun away from them. Bring them clouds, grey skies and hard and cold rain. They never really understood why, because it was unfair. Eliza would have give her life to save her daughter, so as Alex, so as J’onn. And suddenly she feels it, the black hole in her heart fill with Life and Love again. So as Alex who feels the weight she was holding all this time in her chest, goes away. She felt like the Titan, Atlas, who had to carried on the Sky and the Earth on his shoulders for eternity. She was like him. But not anymore. She feels light and airy. And now they realize that life is a circle. That it is sempiternal. Its gives, its takes back and gives again. It’s a sempiternal circle. And today, Life decides to give them back their sunshine. The wind took another way. The sadness goes knocking at another doors. To leave some peace at their’s. The sky is blue now, it’s not raining in their heart anymore. Rain stopped falling within as the second they saw them. Kara’s back and Kara’s hair.

 

And Alex finally says it. Her name.

 

“Kara…”

 

Eliza is crying and now back on her feet and asks to Lena.

 

“When ? How ? Why ?”

 

She wraps her. So strong with so much love. And turns her eyes back to watch her daughter asleep. Lena is crying again and finally whispers to them.

 

“We need to take her at the D.E.O as soon as possible. She’s never been so weak. She choughs blood. I gave her her sun lamp. A little one that I always have with me in case of emergency. But it’s clearly not enough. She needs to see you Eliza. She needs to see doctors because she is very weak. She can’t walk and move more than one minute. She pukes, there is sometimes blood in it, and she sweats and her scars are still open. I did everything I could, I clean them yesterday night, this morning and two hours ago. But it’s infected and still a little green. She still bleeding.”

 

Eliza does not answer she just wraps Lena as strong as she can in her arms. Again. That’s her answer, she just can’t talk. Her hearts is beating so fast that it almost hurt. A good pain. A healthy pain.

 

Alex extends her arms in the room like she was touching her little sister.

She knows that she needs to sleep, she needs to rest. So she just does this, extend her arms, moving slowly her fingers in her direction like she is touching her and caressing her cheek and seeing her smile with her wide and joyful blue eyes. It’s like she is floating. She never felt that before, this feeling of floating, this sudden happiness. It’s unreal. She is sure that she is dreaming but she hopes so much that she is not. And she whispers to herself.

 

“Kara is back.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all came from National City to learn the good new.  
> Or the one where they all crying because it's too good to be true, their family whole again.  
> Or the one where Kara is surrounded by everyone she loves.  
> Or the one where at the end of the chapter Diana Prince finds Winn "nice and cute".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, there are a dialogues, like a lot of dialogues. I hope you will still like this chapter.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the awesome feedback for the last chapter, it means a lot, I smile everytime I read your comments, :).
> 
> Next Chapter : Some family time during the night, because Kara needs it ; the trip back to National City ; the conclusions to Kara's state, she needs some serious treatments and a talk between Lena, Maggie, Winn and Barry. Even maybe a little part of J'onn and M'gann at the D.E.O.
> 
> Link to the John Mayer's song from the title : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1d5c1fVxSA . 
> 
> Find me @sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup .

****

They’re silence. Eliza enters the first in the room. She walks slowly, so so so slowly to Lena’s bed where Kara is asleep. She kneels on the floor in front of her and puts her hand on her mouth. She is crying. In another context the image would have been something pretty normal, a mother, a mother watching her sick daughter asleep and monitoring if everything is okay. But this time is different.

This mother, this sad and helpless mother is watching her daughter asleep for the first time in eighteen months. Five minutes ago this mother had no idea that her daughter was alive. She saw her life leave her body, she saw her eyes closed themselves for the last time, she saw her coffin entered in the ground. Now her heart beats so fast. So fast that she can’t explain. She passes her hand on her cheek, doing her best to not wake her up.

 

 

“My sweet daughter.”, she whispers, “My sweet, sweet beautiful little daughter.”.

 

                  Alex finally enters in the room too. Joining her mother in the happiness of the moment. She lays her head on Eliza’s shoulder.

 

“She is back Mom.”

“Yes….Yes. She is back.”, answers Eliza.

“We are whole again.”, cries Alex.

 

                  Eliza kisses Kara’s forehead before leaving the room and hugs Lena again catching Alex in her embrace.

 

“My sweet daughters. Three of my four daughters. I love you so much darlings. So much.”

 

She kisses them on the forehead.

 

“And you…oh you ! Come here.”, says Eliza to Lena.

 

                  She hugs her. And Lena let herself go to her embrace.

 

“I missed you so much. You can’t imagine how much I was worry about you.”

 

Lena does not answer she just hugs her a little stronger.

 

“I am gonna speak to J’onn.”, says Lena.

 

Back in her living room, Lena walks to J’onn.

 

“Can I talk to you a minute J’onn, please.”

“Yes, yes. Of course.”

                 

 

                  They walk in the giant corridor and stop at Lena’s bedroom door.

 

“So, Lena. How are you ? It’s been a while. I was worried. Is everything okay ?”, he asks concern.

“Yes. Actually. I asked you, all of you to come because…something happens.”, her voice breaks, “and I can’t just announce this like a bomb to you all so it’s better for you to find what happened last night like this. I am gonna tell Maggie next. But…J’onn...J’onn it’s a miracle.”, she says opining the door in front of J’onn.

“Lena why are showing me your bedro…Oh my God”, he finishes his sentence whispering, tears already falling on his cheeks.

 

                  He holds Lena’s hand without even notice. It melts Lena’s heart.

 

“Kara…”, he whispers letting Lena’s hand go and enters slowly straight in the bedroom. He is crying and his heart is so heavy. Heavy of happiness.

 

Kara is still asleep. We can hear her breathing almost at the door.

 

                  So as Eliza he kneels in front of her, he is nothing like the D.E.O director now, nothing like a Green Martian warrior, he is like a random person, a random Human finding a love one back.

His puts his forehead against the mattress and slowly cries. We can notice by his moving shoulders.

He suddenly raises his head and hold Kara’s hand in his’. His eyes are so bright and his smile so big.

“My little girl. I can’t believe you’re here my little daughter.”, he whispers. “Lena it’s a miracle.”

 

Lena can’t keep the tears she cries. She is looking at him, she is looking at him being happy and smiling again.

He closes his eyes and whispers a Martian prayer in his mother language, putting Kara’s hand close to his mouth and carries on to recite his prayer against her hand. His kisses it when he finishes.

                  And out of the blue, Kara moves a hand, feeling that something is holding it. She slowly opens her eyes. It’s blur so she closes them once to better open them and she sees him. She sees J’onn smiling, and in tears.

 

“Eh…Space Dad.”, she says smile weakly.

“Eh Little One.”, he whispers too.

 

She smiles again.

 

“Where have you been ?”, he says, letting one of his hand go from Kara’s to dry his tears but still holding it with his other hand.

 

She smiles again and let her tears fall on her cheeks. She can’t really speak, she is too tired. But she puts her hand on J’onn’s.

 

“Don’t do that to me again Little One…my old Space Daddy heart can’t beat so fast again.”

 

                  She lets a laugh get out of her mouth and he kisses her on the forehead.

 

“I’ll see you soon for a proper daddy-daughter hug, okay ?”

“Deal.”, she says and she closes her eyes again.

 

                  J’onn get back on his feet and walks to Lena. He hugs her and whispers a “Thank you.” In her ears. “Thank you to let me enjoy this. I’ve never been so happy since I arrived on Earth.” And Lena wraps him stronger.

 

“Can I use your bathroom ? I need some cold water on my face…and dry this tears.” He asks laughing.

“Yes, yes of course, you can use the one at the end of the corridor, you will found everything you need.”

“Thanks Lee’.”

 

                  He disappears at the corner of the corridor and Lena goes back to the living room. Weirdly, nobody ask why she is speaking to them just by little group or one by one. They’re too busy to llok at Lena’s living room. Clark and James are enjoying the sun on the balcony and talks about the building in front of them. The view is terrific.

                  She takes Maggie and Winn by the hand and walk them to her bedroom. And she can’t stop the smile. It’s a different one than the ones she gave to Alex, Eliza and J’onn. Because it’s her brotherhood in front them. It just misses Barry but he is on his way. She hugs them in tears and they give the hug back. She can’t speak. She can’t control herself like she did with J’onn, Alex and Eliza.

She just opens her door and let them see by themselves what is going on. And they see her, they see that it’s Kara who’s going on. Asleep. Alive.

 

 

* * *

 

 

                  She seems so small in the giant king size bed wrap in the big white and grey blanket with her hair spread on the pillows. She’s almost seems peaceful. No one has any idea of what is going on in her head. A big mess. A big black hole. Only Lena saw it for now. She can’t tell them right away. She just want to enjoy the moment.

Neither of Winn or Maggie dare to enter in the room. They’re afraid to wake her up and do something wrong. So they just stay here, in each other arms, Winn kissing them on the head like a big protective brother. Lena wraps her arms around his hips and let her head on his chest, he kisses her on the head again. And Maggie just let her head on his right shoulders and him just letting his arms go around her. They’re happy. Their little Brotherhood smiling again. Like those perfect golden days.  

 

“Where is Barry ?”

“On his way, I called him earlier.”

 

                  They stay like this a little more minutes, enjoying the embrace watching an alive Kara sleeping.

                 

Cat could not had take Lena’s jet with them, she was stuck in the traffic so she said to them to take the plane and that she will manage to take another one. She is on her way too.

Clark and James hugged eachother when they saw Kara. Clark said something in Kryptonian, Lena and James just recognized “Rao” in his little prayer.

 

But they hugged Lena s stronger that Clark made them leave the floor without he even noticed because he was too happy. To fucking happy.

 

“I am gonna check on her. I’ll be back in a little moment. Can you tell the others ?”, she asks to James and Clark.

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

 

She enters in the room and closes the door slowly behind her. She takes of her shoes. And rests her back against the wood of the door. And Lena looks at her. Selfishly she wants them all to go. She wants to enjoy Kara on her own a little more, wrapping her wife in her arms and just enjoy her. Try to believe that it’s not a joke. She is alive. She is back. But she shakes her head because she does not think a single word. She smiles and dry little tears on the corners of her eyes and she walks to the bed. She notices that Kara is sweating and that the blood on her mouth is back. She climbs on the bed to dry it off with her tee. Again. Kara opens her eyes.

 

“I am in pain.” She weakly says.

“I know. I am here.”

“Am I dreaming or did I really saw J’onn and heard Alex and my Mom ?”

“No my Love, they’re here. They’re all here. They all came to see you. They’re all happy, you have no idea how much they’re happy.”

“Is that okay if I stay here a little longer with you ? I am not feeling well.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry.”

“Can I see them, still ?”

“If you’re ready yes…I can make them come here.”

“Please.”

 

She kisses her mouth and goes back to the living room.

 

They’re all looking at Lena with the brightest smile. They all want to ask questions, they’re all wondering.

 

“Lena ! What happened ?”

“How is this even possible ?”

“Where does she came from ?”

 

She raises a hand in the air to make them stop.

 

“She wants to see you. All of you. She is weak and in pain so…just be careful, okay ?”

 

Everyone enter in the bedroom. And Kara is there, half sit on the bed, her head laying on the side on the pillows. The blood is back. Again. But she still looks at them, one by one, without making a move. She gives them a smile, they all got a special smile. They all crying of relief.

Eliza is siting on the edge of the bed resting her hand on Kara’s feet.

Kara smiles at Alex who does not dare speak or make a move to her sister. She just looks at her with an impossible level of love.

 

“Come here.”, she whispers.

 

Alex sits next to her sister and passes the back of her hand on Kara’s forehead. She is crying.

 

“I missed you so much Little Sister. You can’t imagine how much I love you.”

 

They’re forehead against forehead. Kara can’t make a move, she can’t really speak, even cry is a pain. But the tears fall on their own.

 

To let them some privacy, everyone leaves the room letting Lena, Eliza and Alex with Kara. Lena lays next to Kara who immediately moves to rest on her chest. Eliza looks at her daughter and fondles her forehead, replaces some her behind her ear. Alex holding one of her hand and they stay like this. They stay silence for a moment because none of them can speak. The moment is too precious, too beautiful and to good for their heart. It’s a healthy moment. A perfect one. The four of them. Kara stays her eyes half close but Alex suddenly feels her hands tighten. Kara wants to say something.

 

“Al’ ?”, she whispers.

“Yes, yes, I am here Kar’, what is it ?”

“I am sorry. ”

“For what ?”

 

She starts crying.

 

“Eh, eh, Kara it’s okay. It’s okay.”

“I should call you when I could.”

“Don’t worry about that.”

 

Alex cries, she kisses Kara’s hand.

 

“I should have call you. I should have call Mom. I sorry that I didn’t. But I had to find Lena. I had to find her. And I couldn’t hear her heart all along, I was so worried, I was so panicking. I couldn’t hear her heart beating. I was so scared. I am so sorry. I saw the pics. I saw you in pain and I did not called you first. I am sorry but I had to find Lena. Please don’t be mad at me.”

 

Eliza and Lena’s heart break.

Alex kneels on the floor to be face to face with Kara who straightens from Lena’s chest. She wraps Kara’s face with her hands and says.

 

“You did good. You perfectly did good. You had to find her first. It’s your wife and it’s totally normal. You took the right decision. Lena had to be the first to know.”

“I needed to see her, I needed to find her and tell her that I was alive. I needed to find her so much Al’.”

“It’s okay. How can I be mad at you ?”she asks smiling drying her tears.

“Because I did not called you.”

 

She kisses her forehead and rest her mouth few seconds. And Kara weakly wraps her arms around her sister and cries in her neck.

 

They stay like this a little moment before Eliza says :

 

“You need some rest Darling, Alex and I will join the others in the living room.”

 

She sees her eyes in pain.

 

“Don’t worry Honey, we’re not going anywhere.”

 

And she kisses her temple.

 

They eave the room and Lena gets up from the bed.

 

“Don’t leave me alone.”

“I was about t bring you another blanket and a glass of water.”

“Do you remember ?”

“What ?”

“This night where I was wondering why you always let a leg outside of the covers and that you said that I was your favorite blanket.”

“Yes.”

“Am I still your favorite blanket ?” she asks her right in her eyes.

 

Kara does not cry and her voice is serious. But Lena is.

 

“Of course you are.”

 

She kisses her.

 

“Why are you asking that ?”

“Because I want our life back. I am useless blanket now. You never bring another blanket in our bed before. I feel like betraying you. I always warmed our bed. I don’t warm it now.”

 

And she let go. She let the pain. And Lena wraps her with love and promises.

 

“Maybe I can be your blanket until your warmness comes back ?”

“Please.”

 

She falls back asleep few minutes after. Lena wraps her with another blanket. And goes back to find the other.

“How is she ?” askes Clark.

“Not very well.”

“Why is she bleeding from her mouth ?”

“Her scars are open. I was about to speak about it to you.”

 

There is a silence and Winn says.

 

“It’s a miracle. Kara is back. She is alive ! Guys ! Can you believe it ? Kara is back.”

 

Suddenly they all laugh and smile and share happy look. And Eliza whispers to Lena.

 

“We’re gonna take care of her Darling. I will look at the scars later.”

 

Lena proposes to order some food, which she does. Until someone knocks at the door. And Cat enters without even wait for Lena to answer.

 

“Lena ! Lena are you here ? What is it ? Are you okay ?”.

 

Everyone can hear her heels on the floor. She enters in the living-room and sees everyone with smiles and happy faces. They never been all together in a room since Kara’s funerals.

 

“Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on ?”

“Miss grant !”

 

* * *

 

                  “So she is really alive.” Says Cat.

                  “Yes. It’s a miracle. I still can’t believe it.”

                  “Little Kiera is back…I knew it. I knew that she just couldn’t die like that. When will I see her ?”

                  “When she’ll wake up ? Is that okay ?”

                  “It’s perfect. It’s perfect.”

 

Car lets fall few tears on her cheeks but dry them immediately. She gets up from one the armchair and goes to the balcony. She needs a moment alone. To think. And she smiles. She smiles to the stars and whispers her eyes close.

 

“Thanks God.”

 

 

* * *

 

                  James, Clark and J’onn call it a day to let the other wait for Barry. They flew to one of Lena’s flats in New York City. They’ll be back in the morning with breakfast.

They will not sleep tonight. Too happy and excited to find Kara back.

 

                  Eliza goes to bed too, in one of Lena’s penthouse gests room, Kara was still asleep when she looked at her scars. She said to Lena that she did a great job on them and make another bandage. They can’t do anything more. They need to go to the D.E.O. She kisses her daughter’s forehead and goes to her bedroom. She won’t sleep either. Her heart took back a normal rhythm.

 

                  They’re all talking in the living room. Winn, Maggie and Lena are on the roof. They can’t be separate to each other. They don’t say a lot of things, they just share a big and comfortable deck chair. Both of Winn’s shoulders welcome Maggie and Lena’s head. They just enjoy the moment.

                  Cat and Alex are in the living room enjoying each other company. Cat is speaking about “Kiera”. How she met her, how she hired her to be her assistant, her she discovered that she is Supergirl, and how proud of her she was. Alex was all smiling. She never sax Cat like that.

                  They make a toast. Alex waving her beer in the air while Cat does the same with her glass of scotch.

 

“To Kara.”, says Cat.

“To Kara.”

 

Then she hear a noise from the living room.

 

“Na”…Lena where are you ?”

 

                  Alex calls ena from the window.

 

“Lee’ she is awake and she’s calling you, come here.”

 

                  Lena runs in the stairs to her bedroom.

 

“Honey, honey I am here.”

“Where were you ?”

“On the roof. I am here. I am here.”, she says holding her kissing her head. “Cat is here.”

“Miss Grant ?”

“Yes.”

 

                  And Cat appears at the door. She smiles softly to Kara, half awake she smiles to her too.

 

“Miss Grant.”, she says weakly.

“Eh…Little Super. I learnt the new.”, Cat whispers sitting on the bed.

“I am sorry I couldn’t arrive with the other…National City traffic is a pain in the ass sometimes.”

 

Kara laughs quietly and Cat let her hand on Kara’s.

 

“I am so happy to see you Kara. You missed to everyone. Cat Co was so boring without you always complaining at Snapper…or even me.”

 

She smiles in tears.

 

“Oh Kiera.”, she says passing her hand on her cheek.

 

She couldn’t stop looking at her. Looking at the daughter she never had, but wish she had, in Kara. The Queen of All The Medias crossed the country to see her. Her “wish-she-was-my-daughter.”

 

“I am gonna go now. But I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay ?”

“Okay.”, whispers Kara.

 

Cat sends them kissing before she goes to her New Yorker flat. Just next to Lena’s, in the Upper East Side as well.

 

“Tomorrow we will go back to National City. We will all take care of you. I promise.”

“When are we going back Home ?”

“You need to recover first, I told you that.”

“I want my life back.”

“We did the worst part of the journey. I promise we will go back to our Home when you’ll be okay.”

 

Kara nods in her neck. Until they hear sounds of joy from the living room.

 

“Stay here, I’ll be back Love.”

 

Kara nods taking another position in the bed, a more comfortable one.

 

 

 

                  And she sees him. She sees Barry in her living room with a big smile and flowers and food.

 

“Oh my..Ryry’.”

 

 

                  She throws herself in his arms and Barry wraps her by the hips and they turn around themselves. Lena leaves the floor with Barry embrace. She is so happy. He is so happy and he hugs her like he never did before. Lena lets herself lay in Barry’s neck.

 

“Oh Ryry’, I am so happy to see you. I missed you so much. Let me look at you, let me look at you.”

 

She wraps his face in her hands and looks at him with love. He crossed the universe to be here. She was so thankful. So she hugs him again. The Brother she never had.

 

“I missed you. I miss you. I missed you.”, she can’t stop to say.

 

She kisses him strongly on the cheek and notices that a smiling woman is standing behind him. It’s Diana Prince, or I should say Princess Diana of Themyscira or I can even say Wonder Woman.

 

She let Barry and almost run to Diana.

 

“Diana ! Oh my…what a surprise ! How are you ? It’s been so long.”

“Oh Lee’….”, she says wrapping her arms around Lena. “I miss you ! What am I suppose to do when my favorite ring mate is away ?”

“Oh come on…you win everytime we training, it’s not fair !”

“We need to go back to the gym as soon as possible Lee’.”

 

                  Suddenly Winn arrives from the kitchen with a beer in his hand.

 

“Am I wrong or I really heard “Di…-OH. MY. GOD.”, he says his mouth wide open.

 

                  They all smile at Winn, his mouth still open like its never been.

 

                  “Diana….I think you just broke Winn.”

                  “Winn Schnott, right, the little voice in my earphone when I am was on mission with Barry and Kara two years ago…”

                  “Well….I-I..well, you, I mean I-…Y-.”

                  “Yes, it’s him.”

 

                  She approaches him.

“Well I am glad to see you again Winn…good to see that you still have this nice smile and voice.”, she says wrapping him in a hug that he did not send back because he is obviously broken.

 

They laugh at the situation and Diana smiles at him.

 

“Oh Lee’ I am so happy to see you.” Says Diana hugging Lena again.

“Did Wonder Woman just hugged me ? Because if it’s a yes I am not planning on taking any showers for the rest of my life.”

 

They laugh.

 

“So, why are we here ?”

“Kara is back.”

“Excuse me ?”, asks Barry socking with his beer.

“Yes…I don’t know how it happened..But she..she just knocked on the door last night and, she was soaked and confused, and lost and sad and alive. And she was back and now she-she she is asleep in my bed and she is still here and alive.”, cracks Lena in tears. Barry hugs her immediately.

 

“What ?”, says Diana passing her hand on Lena’s back.

 

“She is alive Diana. She breathing like we do, and she smiled to me and it’s the same..it’s the same like before. The same I’be fallen for. It’s a miracle..”

 

“Oh my…Lena…it’s a great new. It’s a very very good news.”

 

He wraps her tighter, crying.

 

“Is she really back ?”

“She is Ryry’…she is…I can’t explain but I don’t care for now. She found me and crossed the country and I feel like I am living again. She is weak and sick and we’ll probably going back to National City tomorrow She needs to see the doctors from the D.E.O because it’s serious. Will you come with us ? Diana ? ”

“Of course.”

“I will go too, of course.”

“Can we see here ? Please tell us that we can ?”, Diana asks.

“Yes…yes you can see her. Follow me.”

“Guys…I think I am gonna go to bed to…I will leave you some privacy. Wake me up if there is something wrong. Okay ?”

“I will Winn.”

“Love you guys. See you tomorrow.”, he says smiling entering in his bedroom in front of Eliza’s.

“Bye Winn.”, says Diana.

“I-I-I-…bye.”, he answers blushing like he never did.

 

“He is nice, don’t you think ?”, says Diana.

“Ewww…no, it’s Winn. Our friend..ew.”, answer Lena and Barry.

“Well, I find him kind. Kind and cute !”

“Don’t ever repeat this too him or we’re all lost !”

 

They laugh again. It feels warm, for the three of them.

                  Lena stops in front of her bedroom door.

 

She opens it. Kara is half awake.

 

“Stay here, I am gonna talk to her.”

 

She enters and jumps on the bed next to Kara.

 

“Eh…Hon’, are you awake ?”

“Kind of. I was waiting for you.”

 

                  Lena kisses the corner of her lips.

 

“I have a last surprise for you. Do you wanna see it ?”

“Yes.”

 

                  Lena turns to Barry and Diana and waves her hand in the air.

 

“Stay here Diana, double surprise.”

 

                  She smiles.

 

Barry walks to the bed and squats in front of Kara.

 

“Eh…hi there.”

“Eh Barry…”

 

                  She raises her hand to catch his’. And he puts her hand to kiss it.

Tears falling from the corner of his eyes.

She never saw so many people crying for her before.

 

“I can’t believe that I am holding your hand.”

 

                  She smiles.

 

“Are you reading to make some races with me again ?”

 

She coughs and smiles.

 

“I am gonna…”

 

                  She coughs.

 

“I am gonna kick your ass.”

 

                  He laughs and the tears fall again. So many tears.

 

“Oh Kar’, I missed you so much. There was not a day where I did not think about you.”

 

                  She smiles.

 

“I brought someone with me.”

“You did ?”

“I did.”, he says turning his head to Diana.

 

“Eh Kara Zor-El from Krypton.” Jokes Diana.

 

There was a sparkle in Kara’s eyes.

 

“Hi Diana, Princess of Themyscira.”she answers.

 

 

                  Diana breaks into tears sitting next to Kara on the bed.

 

“Oh Kara ! I missed you so much.” She says wrapping her softly.

 

“Come here Barry.”, asks Kara in a whisper.

 

                  He wraps them in his arms and they all laugh softly.

 

“The Three Musketeers are back.”, jokes Barry.

 

                  Lena is watching them. Her tree favorites superheroes. Her two superfriends wrapping and smiling at her super-wife. And she can swear that for few seconds it was like she found her Life back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your reading, thanks for following this pic from chapter one or 2, 3, 7, 11 or even starting from this one, thank you so so so much !


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost everyone is spending the night at Lena's penthouse before they all go back at the D.E.O in National City where Eliza takes things in hands and takes care of Kara in the best way that she can. 
> 
> Or the one where Lena needs a conversation with her Brotherhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for the last feedback, it always, always makes me smile, the kudos and the awesome comment that you write. 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter too. 
> 
>  
> 
> John Mayer's song from the title : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1d5c1fVxSA .
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @sevaisfifityshadesoffuckedup . 
> 
> Thanks and thanks and thanks again, :).

“What are you doing there ? Are you not suppose to live in another galaxy ?”, she asks in a whisper.

                  _“I’ll be there in the nick of time if you’re ever in the spot.”_

                  “Our song.”

 

                  He smiles.

 

                  “Lena told us the great news.”

 

                  But she is back asleep. Barry stands up from the bed delicately to not wake her up. And he follows Diana and Lena in the corridor.

 

                  Barry looks at her. He looks at her tired eyes, her still sad face from the past eighteen months. He quietly and slowly wraps her and says.

 

“We should maybe have a conversation…don’t you think ? With Magg’ and Winn. And Diana. Just us, just like before. ”

“Yes..”, she says passing her arms under his shoulders. “I need this.”

 

He kisses her on the head and they rest a few minutes silently like this.

 

“I missed you so much Lee’. Everything was so…boring without you…no colors, no tastes, nothing.”

 

                  She does not answers, she knows. She perfectly knows. She hides her head against his chest and Barry rests his nose in her hair.

 

                  “I should go to bed…the trip was difficult.”

                  “Yeah…yeah…your bed is ready. I let you some snacks on the nightstand and there are blankets in the closet if you need.”

 

                  He smiles brightly.

 

“White chocolate Oreo ?”, he asks happy.

“White chocolate Oreo.”, she says.

 

                  He kisses her on the cheek.

 

“Did I ever told you that you’re the best ? Goodnight Nana’.”

“I stopped counting long time ago… Sleep well Little Brother.”

 

                  He kisses her one last time and disappears in his bedroom.

 

“What about a glass of red wine ?”, Diana asks.

“Oh yes, yes, please.”

 

                  They sat on the counter and Lena get back from her kitchen with two crystal glasses and a bottle of French wine.

 

“Still into Château Margaux ?”

“More than you can imagine. Please tell me that it’s a 1996.”

 

                  Lena smiles brightly and proudly showing to Diana the bottle’s etiquette where we can read “1996”.

 

“No. No. No. It’s way to expensive.”, says Diana letting the bottle on the table.

“Come on ! I know it’s one of your favorite. And…I have like more than 2 maybe 3 wooden bows of this one.”

 

“Are you sure ?”

“Great friendships deserve great wine. I don’t make the rules, you know that.”, says Lena opening the bottle.

 

 

“Smell me that.”, she says to Diana giving her her glass.

 

                  Diana put the glass under her nose and closes her eyes.

 

“This one is definitely one of my favorite.”.

“Yes. I can smell the south-west of France from here.”

“Me too. It’s so good. Mhhh…this is our wine right ?”, says Lena breathing her glass as well. “It’s really really good.”.

 

                  They take a sip.

 

“Do you remember ?”

“What ?”

“Our crazy two weeks in France, with this giant car and just the two of us making our “Best exploitations of “De Bordeaux”  wine” in France.”

“How can I forget ? Château Latour, Château Mouton Rothschild, Château Lafite-Rothschild, Château Margaux, Château Haut-Brion, Château Pitrus, Château Cheval Blanc…”, Lena says smile raising an eyebrow counting on her fingers with an perfect French accent.

“We were so so so drunk sometimes.”, Diana says laughing. “We couldn’t even speak a proper French.”

 

                  Lena leans forward on the table, laughing like she was seventeen, holding Diana’s hand.

                  Diana follows her and laughs as well.

There is a little silence and they savor their French Bordeaux.

 

“We should go back there. In France. You and me.”

“I wish. It was unforgettable. DO you remember this old man who wanted to date you ? Ew…we made him believe that we were together and it became worst.”, says Lena thinking happily.

“Let’s do this. Let’s do this next Summer. Let’s conquer France all over again.”

“Are you serious ?”

“I bet I am !”

 

                  Lena smiles to her and Diana dries one tear or two on the corner of Lena’s eyes.

 

“Deal.”

 

They rest her hand on each other and they finish the bottle before going to bed.

 

 

* * *

 

                 

                  Lena enters in her bed. Kara is half asleep. She sleeps by two or three hours and wakes up. Her sleep is bad and irregular. Lena kisses her on the corner of her mouth.

 

                  “Is everything is okay ?”

                  “I want to go Home.”

                  “I know…soon.”

                  “Promise me.”

                  “I promise than we’ll back home very soon.”

                  “Will you cook for me again ? Homemade pizzas, and potstickers with a white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake ?”

                  “Everything you want.”

 

                  Kara straighten herself a little and kiss Lena on the lips without moving her mouth.

 

                  “Can you hold me until I fall asleep ?”

 

                  Lena smiles silently.

 

                  “What did you think I was going to do ?”, she answers turning off the lamp.

 

“NO ! NO ! NO...Please no…let them on. Please. I don’t wanna sleep in the dark.. It rem…it remi…please.”

“Okay.”, Lena says softly. “Don’t worry.”

 

                  They’re looking at each other, Kara eyes are red and tired. She passes her hand on Lena’s face.

 

“I missed doing this.”

 

“Can I kiss you ?”, she asks quietly and tired.

“Yes…yes. Please. Please kiss me.”, Lena says almost crying, “Kiss me please.”.

 

                  Lena lets Kara kiss her. It’s weak but it’s soft. For the moment, she does not need anything more. This contact is enough. Green eyes getting lost in the blue ones. This blue she used to getting lost and loving it. This blue she fell for few years ago. She wraps her arms with caution around her neck. Kara half sit in the bed, Lena almost topping her. She feels Kara’s hand resting on her hips and hanging on.

                  It’s soft and made with so much love. Their faces half light with the lamp on the nightstand. Kara removes Lena’s elastic of her hair and her glasses while she kissing her neck.

 

“I am sorry.”, Kara whispers in her ear.

“You’re back. We’re together again, that’s all that matters”, answers Lena against her lips.

 

                  Kara passes the tips of her fingers first on her cheeks then her throat.

 

“We’ll get through this. Stronger than we’ve never been.”

“I was so afraid of you forgetting me. I was so afraid.”

“No. You’re my ride or die. I would never find another you.”

 

                  Kara takes Lena’s left hand in her and looks at it. She plays with Lena’s rings.

 

                  “You still wearing them..”, she whispers.

                  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I ?”

“I don’t know…”

 

She looks at them again. Lena’s engagement ring and the wedding one.

 

“Do you remember the mess we made at the Cartier boutique ?”

“You mean you, you yelling at the jeweler ?”

“He graved “Cara” instead of “Kara”, on a fucking platinum and diamonds Cartier wedding ring, a wedding ring that I was already paid…of course I was upset…we tried the final model one week before the wedding and there was a mistake in your ring ! What I was supposed to do ? Get marry with “Cara” ? No fucking way.”

 

Kara laughs slowly.

 

“He almost peed in his pants.”

“You don’t mess with my wedding, even less with my wife’s first name.”, she laughs proudly.

“Then we went at Tiffany & Co. trying yours….it was too small. But at least, “Kara” was well written.”, says Kara her eyes close, wandering in the memory. “And you yelled again.”

“Again…yes. I was afraid to not have everything ready.”

“But it was. Everything was ready on time.”

“Yes.”

“It was a beautiful day.”

“Yeah…”, Lena answers drowning her head in Kara’s neck.

 

They stay silence a moment. Then Lena moves her head to Kara’s.

 

“Can I kiss you too ?”

“You..”

 

She coughs.

 

“You can kiss me as much as you want. I have a paper to prove it.”

 

Lena laughs in tears and finally kisses her.

 

“Can I be selfish for one second and tell you that I waited for us to be alone since our Superfamily arrived, just be there with you, alone ?”

“Yes.”

 

And they kiss again.

 

“I wish I could watch you sleeping all night…but I am too tired.”

“Sleep Hon’….I won’t go anywhere.”

 

And Kara falls asleep on Lena’s chest.

 

 

* * *

 

 

                 

                  “KARA ! KARA WAKE UP ! IT’S ME, IT’S LENA. HONEY IT’S ME, YOU’RE HOME.”

 

                  She moves, and moves and moves with quick and violent gestures. Lena is crying to catch her arms but with some flash of super speed, she can’t be really effective. She is crying and start to panicking.

Then she grabs her shoulders and wrap her.

 

                  “It’s me. You’re safe. I am here. I won’t let you. You’re not there anymore. It’s Lena, I am here. Kara please wake up.”, she screams at the end of her sentence.

                 

Kara sweats and her breathings are heavy and hard and loud.

 

                  “Kara it’s me…please…please wake up.”, cries Lena, her forehead against her chest.

Then she does it, she opens her eyes. She stops to move.

 

                  “Lena ! Lena are you alright ?”, almost screams Winn as her enters in her bedroom.

 

She raises her head to him crying and he runs to her, to wrap her and say that everything is gonna be okay. She rests her head on his chest and he wraps her stronger. While Kara was resting on Lena’s thighs. She passes her hands in her hair ad lets her cry.

 

“I am here Lee’, I am here. It’s okay. She is okay.”, says Winn passing an arm around Kara. “She is okay, she made a nightmare, I am here.”

 

“Eh…whats going on there ?”, asks Maggie at the door with Eliza and Alex by her sides.

 

Kara weakly turns her head and smile in pain to them.

 

“Oh my darling.”, she says Eliza while she walks to her daughter.

“Mom…mom can you sleep here ?”

 

                  Eliza looks at Lena to read her obvious approval on her face.

 

“Can Maggie and Alex stay too ?” asks Kara.

“Of course. Of course.”, says Lena softly caressing her hair.

 

                  They all climb on the bed to surround Kara.

 

“I am gonna leave you some space.”

“No, no, Winn…Winn stay.”

“Okay…okay.”

 

He sits on the floor resting his back against the wall. Alex ways laying behind her Mom, her head against her back while Maggie wraps Lena. She was crying quietly. Kara is becoming weaker and weaker. She can feel it. She feels it. So she wraps her a little tighter like she could give her some energy.

 

“We’re here Kara. You can sleep…nothing is gonna happen.”

 

Searching for a glass of water Barry passes in front of Lena’s bedroom and stops. He saw them all asleep and decides to join his family to support Kara.

He sits next to Winn and watches her. Her head on Lena’s thigh, Lena asleep almost sits, her back on the bedhead with Maggie. She does not seem very comfortable but he knows that she’s still happy, Kara sleeping on her, holding her hand, surrounded by her Mom and her sister. He falls back asleep, petting Krypto.

Diana is not asleep either. She is on the roof watching the sky. When she goes back indoor she notices the calm and decides to check her people. She enters slowly in Lena’s bedroom and sees them all asleep, some on the bed some on the floor, sleeping against the wall. And she notices the drawing. Winn is sleeping under it with Barry’s head on his shoulder.

Then Krypto comes moaning at her legs.

 

“Eh Little Krypt’, are you not supposed to be asleep ?”

 

The dog sits straight in front of her.

 

“Do you want to pet you until you fall asleep ?”

 

The dogs walks to Winn and Barry and sits next to them.

 

“You know how to talk to people.”

 

She walks to her friends and sits next to Winn. She can’t put her head on Barry so she picks Winn kneel. She lays on the floor and Krypto puts his head against her chest. And they fall asleep.

The picture is beautiful. The Superfamily whole again. Almost all of them in the same room watching for Kara to be okay. Kara asleep on her Mom and Lena.

She does not make another nightmare for now and the night passes like its has too.

When Cat wakes up she does not hear anything from the penthouse so she decides to enjoy the view from Lena’s roof. So she decides go to the living first, see if someone is wakes up.

But Lena’s door is open and she sees them and her heart melts. She smiles of happiness and takes a picture of this moment in her head. This image will stay forever in her heart. All this people she loves so much. Her Kara who is back. Not 100% okay but 100% safe surrounded by her loves one. Plus, what can even happens with Wonder Woman and The Flash with her ? Nothing of course.  She smiles at them, brightly.

She goes back to her bedroom and takes some plaid and blankets and spreads it and them, on Diana, Winn and Barry who are sleeping almost sitting on the floor. She closes the door carefully and goes to the bathroom to take a shower. When it’s done she takes Lena’s key and goes on her way to grab some coffee and breakfast for everyone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

                  “Come on Kara. Hold us, the cars are waiting for us outside.”

 

                  Lena helped her to get ready. J’onn, James and Clark organized the trip top National City. Lena’s jet is ready and waits for them at the airport. The three friends are already back in town to prepare Kara’s arrival at the D.E.O. The doctors are waiting for her. Nobody knows what is really going on.

 

                  Lena is with Kara, Winn, Alex, Eliza and Maggie in the black van.

                  Lena holds her against her chest and leave here and there some kisses on her head.

                  Her eyes are open and she watches them. Winn is looking at the window when he does not write things on his computer, or answering texts to J’onn.

 

                  “Winn ?”she whispers.

                  “Did I really saw Diana sleeping on your knee this morning ?”

                  “Well..I-I- No..I mean I-I-…what ?”

 

She laughing weakly.

 

                  “Nevermind, you like her.”, she says going back in Lena’s neck.

                  “I am sorry Kar’ but can you tell me who does not like her ? Come on…”, he says waving weirdly laughing a hand in the air and looking at the window.

                 

 

                 

* * *

 

 

                 

                  They’re finally at the D.E.O. But it takes a while for the doctors to take care of Kara. Krypto was stood on his four paws, on her bed, barking and grunting at anyone approaching Kara. Lena is signing some papers in J’onn’s office. It only takes her five minutes but once back in Kara’s room and once Krypto sees her and becomes quiet and soft.

 

                  “Well, what was that Krypt’ ? Why grunting and barking ?”, she says petting his head.

 

There is a knock at the door, Eliza is wearing her white blouse so as Alex. And some doctors follow them in the room. And Krypto barks and grunts again. Nobody can’t touch or talk to Lena and Kara. He is under his super-protective mood that Kara told him to have. He does not know the place very well so as the people in front of him. Lena whispers things in his hear and he stops, sitting on her kneel.

 

 

Kara is laying on a medical bed under a real sun lamp. She cries because Lena can’t stay with her, the rays are too strong. So she just rests her hand on the glass, looking at Kara. Kara does not leave her gaze. She can’t stop herself to cough, and the blood comes and comes and comes again. Because passing some radio and scanner she needs to get some rest under the red sun lamp. Eliza and doctors’ orders.

 

Once the radio and scans done, the doctors are worried. Kara is bleeding inside her chest. And the rest of the Kryptonite in her body is too weak to get out from her scars so it goes out from her mouth. She needs surgery because it becomes more and more dangerous. But it’s the first time that she needs something like this and nothing can cut her skin. Except Kryptonite. They need to fix what’s wrong with her chest. Eliza kisses her forehead.

 

“Get some rest, we have to talk to Lena.”

“No. I want her to stay her and hear what you have to say.”

 

Lena enters in the room.

 

“So ? Why is she bleeding like this ?”

“Lena, listen…honey she needs a serious surgery. She is bleeding from the inside, there is still kryptonite within…and there are some torn tissues. They won’t got well unless we take off the rest of the kryptonite away. Its eats her skins from within. The scars are okay but she is eaten from the inside.”

“What…? But, you’re gonna fix this right ? She’s gonna be alright without surgery, ugh ? Because she can’t have one…we can’t cut her skin again with Kryptonite, we can’t. I refuse, no, no, no, we can’t do that. It’s been enough Kryptonite for a lifetime.”

“Na’…Na’, it’s okay. I am ready. It’s okay. Let them do that.”

“But Kara…we’re talking about cutting your skin with Kryptonite !”, she says panicking.

“I know…I know…but if it’s the only way…?”

 

 

Small silence.

 

“We can start right now. She is getting weaker more and more. We can’t wait more.”

“How long ?”

“Few hours.”

“Can I stay ?”

“I am afraid you can’t….security and hygiene measures Honey...”

“Oh…okay.”, she says starting to cry.

 

Then she feels Kara’s hand catching her. Kara is looking at her, she does not say anything, she does not need to. Lena kneels in front of her.

 

“Oh my…Kara…”, she cries.

“Eh..eh…shhh. It’s fine. I am fine.”

“No. You’re not !”

“Wait for me. I’ll be back before you could even say “Potstickers.”.”, she softly says passing the tips of her fingers on Lena’s cheek.

“I love you. I love you so much.”

“Me too, Delilah.”

 

Lena smiles drying her tears.

 

“You remember ?”

“That’s you’re the most colorful flower ? Yes, I remember that.”

“You call me like that late at night…”, she whispers.

“I know.”

“Please come back, don’t stay there one more time.”

“I won’t.”

 

Lena leans to her and kisses her. It’s a torture to take her lips away and let Eliza and the medical team take Kara away.

 

Alex goes back to her to give her a hug.

 

“She is gonna be okay, okay ?”

 

Lena does not answer.

 

“Okay ?”

“Yes….”

 

And Alex walks to the big doors who close themselves behind her letting Lena alone in the cold medical cabinet. She stays there, a little bit of time, watching nothing, thinking everything. It’s like Life takes Kara away from her again and she can’t do nothing about it.

She walks to the roof. There is nobody. She lights a cigarette, takes a drag, closes her eyes and let the smoke go out from her lungs. She feels the ground like it cracks under her shoes. It can happen again. There is no fucking way that what she is thinking about can happen. No. Fucking. Way.

And she let the tears falling. She can no longer do it anymore. It’s enough. She is exhausted, tired and wasted. She has no more energy, no more motivation. Enough is enough.

She lets her cigarette falls from her fingers and put her hands on her face and she cries, and cries, and cries and cries.

 

“Nana’ ? Is that you ?”

 

She tries to dry her tears the best she can and finally turns to the voice.

 

“Eh Ryry’, what are you doing here ?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“Oh you know….enjoying the view, it’s been so long.”

“Liar. You don’t give a damn about the view.” says Maggie behind him. 

“Touché. You’re right.”, she says giving her a resigned smile.

“Don’t you dare you all having a conversation without me.”, says Diana joining them with ice-cream and donuts.

 

Barry raises his arms in the air and Diana comes to nest in his embrace.

 

“I still can’t believe that our team is whole again.” he said kissing her head.

“It’s not whole again.”, says Lena fixing a point at the horizon.

“Oh Lee’…she’s going to be okay…Eliza and Alex are taking care of her.”, says Winn. 

“It has nothing to do with them.”

“Then what is it ?”, asks Maggie.

“When I close my eyes a live everything again. I see Winn’s eyes telling me that it’s over, I heard Eliza yelling at the medical team. I see her dead eyes, her blue becoming blur and grey. Now, she is back in this trap, and I don’t know if she will get trough this again. Her eyes were so weak when they took her. But she calls me “Delilah”.”

“Delilah ? It’s lovely.”, asks Diana softly.

“The first ever flowers bouquet that she bought me was some Delilah. And on the card she wrote “ _I saw them in the shop and I thought about you. They were the most colorful. But the more colorful is you. Xoxo, K._ ”. I still have the card in my wallet. She calls me “Delilah” since that day. When it’s just the two of us. And back in the room, it was the two of us and she calls me “Delilah” again. And I thought that I would never being call like this again.”

“But she is here. She came back and you’re the one she wanted to find first.”, whispers Barry to her. 

“I still believe that all of this is a dream. And that I am about to wake up alone, in this so fucking cold sheets, in this stupid penthouse. Alone. I am so afraid about this. You can’t imagine how afraid I am.”, Lena cries looking at them. 

“But she here and we’re here. Our wolf pack is back.”, assures Barry. 

“You can’t imagine how hard the past eighteen months were. You can’t imagine.”

 

They start to cry. 

 

“We could have been there to help you and just…or just holding you. But you disappear.”, says Maggie softly. 

“You reminded me too much of her. It was a torture. I missed you all everyday, everytime. But I couldn’t. It was too painful. And I love you too much to inflict this to you. I read every letters, listened every voicemails, watched every videos, I read every texts….and I hated myself for not answer you. But you had to move on too and I did not want to be a heavy weight on your shoulders. The sad widow that you always have to take care of, cheer up, call and all this bullshits. I am a Luthor after all and I had to do it myself. But I failed. I fucking failed.”, says Lena in pain. 

“Lena. Listen to me. We’re a Brotherhood. You, Diana, Barry, Winn and me. We’re a team. And a team have to support each other. Take care of everyone. Laugh in the good times, cry in the bad times. Fight when someone mess up with you. You’re not alone anymore. Leave the Luthor and be Lena. Just be Lena.”, says Maggie.

“We needed you to move on too like you needed us.”, declares Diana. 

“You being the Lena we meet the first time is enough for us.”

“You took care of me when my father came back and started to being insane again. You let me sleep at your place as much as I wanted. You did not let me down, you supported me and brought me coffee with autographed blu-ray of “Star Wars”, I mean George Lucas and Carrie Fisher signed the box ! What kind of perfect friend does that ? Only you.”, says Winn right in her eyes. 

“You still have to tell us how you did it by the way, the signatures. Because it’s dope.”

 

Lena weakly smiles between her tears.

 

“It’s a secret. I can’t tell you.”, she says.

 

“All of this to say that…you get through everything who fell on your head since you’re a kid….leaving Ireland, being adopted, stay good when Lex got mad, stay good when your Mom became insane, you always focused on the right direction, your right direction and you always held the reins firmly when everyone around you wanted you to take another road.”

“You are the most kind and decent human being that I met. And you deserve Kara’s come back. You deserved to be happy since day one. And Kara is aware about that. And she came back, she came back even if it took her eighteen fucking months, she came back to you, ‘cause you’re a match made in heaven and because she deserves the world too. And this world is you.”

“You two, both of you deserve to be happy. You deserve peace because you always put people’s happiness in front of your own. And you always help people when you can just let things…and et people deal with their shits. I mean…you literally built a fucking clean water system in this fucking Sahara desert and you gave all this money to built schools. Come on ! It’s was the dopiest things I’ve ever seen !”, says Maggie almost exciting. 

“She will be back….she will get trought it like you get through everything that happened to you.”

“It’s gonna be hard. She won’t be back on her feet right away…but she will do it. For you. She will wait and work to be better, to feel better like you waited for her.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

                  In the surgery room, Kara is stable. No major complications. Eliza extracts all the Kryptonite she can. She can’t extract everything because some green molecules have merged with her skins within and she can’t take them away without hurting Kara. So she decides to places some little sun rays fragment from the sun lamp within. Little sun-rays wrap in a kind an organic material who will merge with the rest of the Kryptonite and make it disappear with time. That is all she can do right now. And she really really hopes that it will work. She wants it to work.

It will take Kara a very long time to completely and totally recover. And this, it’s just for the physical damages. She has absolutely no ideas of what is going on in her head. What she sees when she sleeps, what she feels when she wakes up from a nightmare. But at least, she fixed her daughter. She treated her in the best way possible. She did her best medicine for her right now. She insists to make the stitches. Nobody can touch Kara. Nobody has the right to do it, except her. She can let them fail this stitches. Her daughters will have nothing except perfect little scars on her chest. This scars have to be perfect to heal completely.

                  She kisses her forehead when she is done and Alex let her hand when her Mom says “It’s done. We have to wait for her to wake up.”.

 

                  She turns to a nurse and says :

 

“Take her back in her room, please. Everything you need to give her is written there. And find as many sweet things as possible.”

“Yes Doctor Danvers.”

“Thanks.”

“Mom, I can go to Noonan’s….she love Noonan’s.”

“Yes, that a good idea.”

 

                  Alex smiles at her and wraps her in her arms.

 

“You did it. She is going to be okay.”

“No.”

“What ?”

“WE did it. I couldn’t have do it without you. I am so proud of you Alexandra.”, Eliza says.

 

Alex lets herself be hug by her Mom.

 

“I don’t wanna heard anything about Kryptonite ever.”, says a relieve Eliza.

“Yes…yes me too.”, laughs Alex because of the nerves.

 

“Now I am gonna tell Lena.”

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is back home with Lena, things are getting complicated. And nobody really understands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the nice feedback, all the kudos, the awesome comments and everything. I always smile when I read them and they made day overtime too ! Thanks, thanks, thanks and thanks, :). 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup .

                  It’s been almost a week that everyone is practically live at the D.E.O. Lena sleeps at night on a armchair, watching Kara. She is still week but she does not bleed anymore within. No taste of blood on her lips when Lena kisses her, when Kara eats, when she drinks. It’s feels good. She is still having nightmares but like Lena sleeps with one eye open she can stop them and wake Kara up before it’s getting hurting, complicated or violent. Kara is angry most of the time when Lena wakes up. It takes her few minutes before she can feel Lena’s hands on her cheeks and taking regular breaths. She has to work on herself before getting back her spirits.

                  Clark, Barry and Diana flew to New York City to find some clothes for her, packed some bags with clothes, her laptop, some of her files and her photos-album.

                  She does not speak a lot but she enjoys her family’s company and Lena’s warm hugs and cuddles when nights falls. She can’t really walk to be she always find Lena’s hands and shoulders to help her. And Barry’s, Diana’s, Alex’s and all her others love ones.           

                  Winn barely get out from the lab, too busy to try to find a new material for Kara’s new suits. He spends his nights making calculus, find new formulas, testing new fabrics, some alien ones or some homemade ones with his formulas. Most of the time he fails, but he does not give up. He has and he wants to find the perfect fabric, the perfect material to protect Kara better than the other one. He wants to make it kryptonite-proof. He did not found the formulas the first time he worked on her suit and the feeling of him being guilty of her death, him being responsible of Kara’s death because her old suit couldn’t not handle Kryptonite. He did not tell anyone, but sometimes he feels like this. He should have know that this could happen, Kara facing Kryptonite.

                  He goes out from the lab just for taking showers and have dinner. He looks like a mess but still motivated.

 

                  “Eh, anybody’s here ?” asks a woman voice.

                  “Yeah…yeah…hum..I am…I am right here. Who is...”

 

                  He walks to the voice and stops.

 

                  Diana smiles at him with a cup of coffee.

 

“Alex told me that you like with a white-chocolate donut.”, she says giving him the little paper bag.

 

“Well…I-I mean..Y..No..I mean Yes, yes…I-..”

“Is the word you looking for is “Thank You.”

 

                  He is blushing.

 

“If that’s so…you’re very welcome.”

 

He smiles without saying a word.

 

“Do you know who you make me think of ?”

 

He nods negatively.

 

“This guy in “The Big Bang Theory.”, the one who can’t stop to women if he hasn’t drink a glass or two…except that you perfectly talking to every women here perfectly except me.”

 

                  She mimics a gesture of reflexion by placing a finger on her mouth , looking at the ceiling.

                  It’s a soft torture for Winn to speak.

 

“They’re not you..I mean no, not you like…you you know…they’re not “Wonder Woman” and you know Batman so...”he says faking to be busy with a fabric.

 

                  She smiles amused.

 

“And who do you prefer ? Wonder Woman or….Diana Prince ?”

 

Wins almost chokes on his coffee, Diana getting more and more amused by him.

 

“No, no, no, don’t answer. I am joking.”

 

Is she ?

 

“What are you doing ?”

“I-I-I..I am trying to built a new fabric for Kara’s suit. I would to find a formula to stop the Kryptonite.”

“And how is it doing ?”

“Well…I maybe find something but…it’s getting more complicated than I tought…so…I don’t know.”

“Well…what can stop it ?”

“Nothing…we just know how to “cure” it.”

“The sun lamp ?”

“Yes.”

“What about something with it ?”

“It does not work…my tests fail everytime. So I have to find something else.”

 

                  She walks to him and Winn swallows hard his saliva feeling a drop of sweat flowing down his back.

 

“You should get some rest.”

“No..no. I can’t I did to figure this out to protect Kara better if she wanna be back on duties.”

“You won’t find it by crashing your brain without fresh air, clean clothes and some rest.”

“Let’s go have dinner with the other.”, she says close to his face.

 

He broke again.

 

And she smiles laughing as she passes the door letting Winn like an idiot staring at the door.

  

* * *

 

                 

She lost a lot of physical capacities, she can’t run for a very long time but she can hold 15 minutes of running on the D.E.O machine. They all training with her. It gives Kara some motivation. And Lena training her every day with her reflexes. And from time to time, Alex throws some knifes at her, and Kara catches them.

                  Lena was really pissed the first time she did but it made Kara laughed.

 

                  On the eleventh day, they finally let her go back home.

 

                  Eliza warms Lena that Kara is about to stay sick a little bit longer. At least until the rest of the Kryptonite disappear.

 

“The Kryptonite who won’t go away will become like a shield to her. Thre is like 75% of chances that she become more resistant to it with some molecules in her organism. So it’s a good thing.”

“She will not be back on Supergirl duties until I am agree. She has to heal completely. I will not let her back at it until I am 100% that she will make it.”

“I know Honey…me too. She has to come back to us first.”

 

                  Lena wants to be alone the first time she enters in their Home. The real one.

 

“Are you ready ?”, asks Kara.

“No. Not really…I’ve not been back since…since...I mean since…”

“I know…”

“But I wanted to call someone to clean it up….the dust, the windows…and the rest of the house but your Mom wanted to do it.”

 

                  Lena enters the key in the door and turns it.

                  Kara lets her chin on her shoulder.

                  And Lena does not move.

 

“I am scare.”, she starts to cry.

 

“It’s like enter in an hunted house…except that we won’t find any witches, blood or skeletons…but some floating memories and the ghosts of the life we had before.”

 

                  Lena turns to face Kara.

Kara takes her in her arms and turns the key so Lena does not have to do it. She pushes the door still holding Lena in her arms.

 

“You can turn around. My mom opened the curtains, the windows and it’s look like….it looks like home.”, says Kara in a very emotional tone.

 

Lena turns her head to the open door, still lock in Kara’s arms.

 

“It’s home. We’re Home.”

 

Lena enters first in the giant living-room. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She smiles in tears.

 

“It smells so good. It smells like home.”, she says let her purse fall on the floor.

 

Kara approaches her. And wraps her arms around her from the back.

 

“Where is Krypto ?”

 

Then they heard the dog barking in the most happiest way ever. He jumps everywhere, around them, on the couch, in the corridor and again around her.

 

“I am not feeling very well….I am gonna go on the couch…I need a nap.”

“Yes, yes, go, I am gonna help you.”, Lena says taking Kara sweater off and helping her to laying on the couch.

“I’ll wake you up for your re-education appointment…Alex and Eliza will join us here so you don’t have to go out.”

“Did I ever told you that you’re the best ?”

 

Lena’s heart melt.

 

“Not in eighteen month.”

“So I have eighteen months to catch on…”

“Do you wanna eat something special tonight ? Maybe some homemade pizza with potstickers and a white chocolate and strawberry cheesecake ?”

“Aw…Rao I love you.”

 

She turns on the couch and closes her eyes.

 

Before starting to cook Lena decides to take a look at their house. She starts in the kitchen, the absolutely giant kitchen. All white and grey, with a big counter at the center. And she notices a piece of paper on it. She opens it and recognize Eliza handwriting.

 

“ _To my daughters.”,_ is written on the envelop.

 

She opens the paper.

 

“ _I tried to make this place like it used to be, a bright home full of love. The fridge is full. Your suitcases are in the dressing-room but I did not dare to open them to put the clothes at their place, I thought it was inappropriate. I bought food to Krypto as well and if you go to the garden-roof, your plants are good. I took care of them the time you were in New-York City. I put sheets in your bed and I changed the towels in your bathroom. The one you left when you moved were still there, like the dishes and some clothes who were here and there in the penthouse._

_I am so happy for you Lena. I’m happy for me too. You deserve this and I’m glad that my daughter is your ride or die because I woudn’t have wanted someone else for her. I was so happy to see your smile and heard you laugh the past two weeks. The hole is my heart begins to fill up again._

_I know that you’ll take care of her but please take care of you too. You have to get yourself ready to face her ghosts, be put to the test and face things you maybe don’t want to face. She is physically well now, and if she does her exercise and goes to her re-education appointments regularly (which I am sure you’re gonna force her to go and exercise with her) she is gonna be better every day._

_But it’s my daughter and sometimes I can figure it out what she is thinking…I know this little Kryptonian too well and I know that you know that she does not feel very good within. And I know that you did not talked about it to not bother us. But I felt it and I still feel it._

_Take care of her but I know that you’re perfect for that._

_I know that she is asleep know but hug her for me._

_I love my sweet darlings._

_Eliza.”_

Lena closes her eyes. She knows it too as well…things are just gonna start.

 

* * *

 

 

                  Few days passed. Kara is getting well, she still need to recover but her body is getting better. But she sill makes nightmares. And the more she sleeps the more they’re here to hunt her. She lives again her death, she experiences the pain of being shoot, she sees Lex, she hears Lena screaming. She ,ever thought that going to bed could be so painful. Before everything that happened she loved bedtime, she loved going to bed as the same time as Lena. Finding a good position and feel her fall asleep against her, feel her breath against her neck. But now…she hates to do it because she knows that her nightmares are watching her and waiting for her to fall asleep. She does not speak to Lena. She can’t. Lena had been through enough. She deserves some peace. So Kara does her best to hide her fears. She pretends to sleep until she hears the regularity of Lena’s breaths. She she stares at the ceiling trying to not fall asleep. She does it, she does it every nights.  When she does not watch at the ceiling she looks at Lena. It calms her sometimes, look her wife is one of her favorite thing. She does it until she can’t hold it and fall asleep. Until this sad and painful night.

 

                  It’s past midnight and Lena proposes to go to bed before they fall asleep on the couch.

 

In the middle of the night Lena is woke up by a screaming Kara. An angry and aggressive Kara. Her eyes are open but she is asleep. She screaming things in Kryptonian and Lena can recognize the name “Lex” in one of her sentences. So she does like she always does, try to wake Kara up. But this time is a complicated one. Kara moves so fast, like she is convulsing. And Lena is not strng enough to keep her in place.

 

“KARA ! IT’S ME ! WAKE UP, YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DREAM !”

 

But she can’t hear her. And Lena can’t handle the screams anymore. She starts to cry calling Kara to wake up.

 

“Kara please. Please wake up, you’re Home, you’re with me. You’re fine.”, she cries.

 

Krypto enters in the room and barks and barks and barks.

 

Lena tries one last time. She takes Kara by the shoulders and it’s her turn to scream. Kara’s eyes are close now.

 

“KARA ! IT’S LENA ! WAKE UP ! PLEASE DO IT FOR ME WAKE UP HON’ ! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT ! WAKE UP !”.

 

And she opens her eyes. They’re angry so not like they use to be. She moves so fast that her fist hit Lena’s left cheekbone. Lena screams in pain and Kara takes her by the shoulders and suddenly her eyes become bright so bright and Lena recognizes it. Her x-rays vision. And she cries and cries and cries.

 

“Kara…please…wake up…it’s not you. Please, wake up.”

 

Kara does not let her go, she is still holding her by the shoulders.

 

It’s horrible to see her like that. And suddenly, the fire in her eyes disappears and the blue is back. She starts to wake up. She shakes her head and sees Lena crying, she sees her bleeding nose and the red on her cheekbone.

 

“Kara…Kara it’s me, you’re safe.”

 

She straights up horrified.

 

“What did I do ?”

“Kara, no, no, no. It’s okay.”

“What I’ve done to you ?”

“Nothing, you were having a bad dream, it’s okay.”

“Did I hit you ?”

“It’s okay ! I am okay.”, she says trying the wraps her in her arms.

 

Kara takes a step back.

 

“No it’s not you’re…you’re bleeding.”, she says starting to cry.

 

Lena approaches her again.

 

“NO !”

“Kara….”

“I hit you. You’re bleeding because of me…”

“It wasn’t you. It’s okay. It was an accident.”

 

Kara is looking at her.

 

“I can’t sleep with you. I can sleep with you now…now that it happened…I can’t sleep with you anymore. T’s too dangerous.”

“What are you saying ? It was an accident !”

“I could have kill you.”

“You didn’t.”

“But I could have…in a second.”

 

She gets up from the bed, puts her jeans and go out from their bedroom.

 

“I could have kill you.”, she whispers.

 

“Kara..!”, calls Lena crying.

 

* * *

 

                  “Lena ? What happened to your face ?”

 

                  She touches her bruise.

 

“Oh…it’s nothing, funny story…there was water on the bathroom floor, I did not saw it and I fell getting out from the shower.”

 

                  But Winn does not believe it.

 

* * *

 

 

                  Kara is depress. She hates herself. She hit her wife. She did it and she can’t handle it. She knows that it was an accident but she did it anyways. She refuses to sleep with her. She can’t do it. She can risk to hit her again. But Lena always wakes up when she hears her scream at night. And she refuses her to stay. She can’t. She can let her sleep with her.

She shuts herself up to Lena. Avoiding her gaze most of the time. She knows that Lena is in pain because of that but it’s the only way for her to protect Lena. There can not be another accident, she won’t forgive herself.

But Lena does not give up. She still try to talk to her, kiss her, hug her but it does not feel the same.

Kara does not touch her, she can’t. She is afraid.

Before the accident Lena tried to make some moves at night. She wanted Kara to touch her. She wanted it to be physical. But already at this time Kara does not feel it. She found excuses to let it go. Kara, at this time already couldn’t touch her, Lena was kind of demonstrative but Kara couldn’t do it. She felt weak, sick and it hurt her to feel this way because she wanted to touch her, of course. Of course, she wanted it to be physical too. But she just couldn’t do it and Lena does not know. She she usually kiss her, her mouth or her forehead, sometimes both and turns herself to not face Lena’s gaze.

 

“Okay. It’s okay, sleep well.”, Lena usually says when Kara does it.

 

But it’s getting worst since that night. Kara is depressed and there is nothing that Lena can do to help her. And sometimes she feels that she lost her again. She is physically with her but her mind and her spirit are somewhere else. So she waits. That’s all she can do. And she knows that kara does not want it to be know by the family, so…they just act normal around them. And it breaks their hearts.

 

 

Lena works from their home. She can’t let Kara alone. But Lena started to work on something. When Kara was spending some time with Alex, Maggie and their Mom, she went to her home lab and opened her safe-deposit box. The password is the day they got married. She entered it, place her hand on the digital fingerprint recognition system and turns the key inside when it’s done. And she took the box, to open it with another key and she looked at them. She looked at this seven Kryptonite bullets.

She cries. It’s the first time she looks at them since the day she put them in and leave National City.

 

She decided to study them and analyze them. She wants to know how Lex did to put Kryptonite inside gun bullets. She perfectly knew that, he was lying when J’onn asked him during his interrogation. After his first trial, he did not have any Kryptonite in his possession, she knew it, she felt it. So how he could have some after his escape ? It was impossible.

So she decides to find how he did it, how he built and made Green Kryptonite, plus, some effective and devastating one.

But something went wrong in his formula. Real Green Kryptonite would have killed Kara. For sure. It was not alien Kryptonite. It was homemade. Lex made it. And she has to discover how and with what kind of earthly materials.

She also have some Kara’s blood samples, this can be helpful.

So she starts to work on it in her home lab while Kara was asleep during the day in front of the TV.

 

* * *

 

                  It’s been a week now, since the accident. And this night Lena is thirsty so she get out from her bed and goes to the kitchen. Then she sees a light in the living room, she wonders if she forgot to turn off every lamps in the room, but no, she did.

                  So she carries on to walk to the living room and she sees Kara awake, sits on the couch with Lena’s laptop. She is reading articles about her, about her death, her funerals, Lex’s trial and some others stolen pictures of her family.

                  Lena is watching her, she does not want to interrupt. Then Kara clicks on a link and a video starts. It’s a podcast about Supergirl’s death, it’s a hater, he is speaking about Lena and how much it can’t be possible that she’s an innoncent in this case.

 

“You fucking piece of fucker.”, says Kara as she changes the video for another.

 

                  Lena is not used to hear Kara speaks like that.

 

Then another video starts. It’s a manifestation in front of L-Corp building. The protesters are screaming bad things. Then she sees Lena get out from the building and people carry on to scream horrible things to her with pancarts asking for justice : Lena Luthor deserves jail.

 

                  “Bastards.”, she whispers “What are you done to her ?”

 

Lena never spoke about this period to anyone. She just want to forget. At this time, all she wanted was to get out from her body. And she did, she watched herself face that and did nothing. She waited and she moved away.

 

                  Kara is now watching a video of her funerals. Media made it a national event. She cries.

 

“Eh Honey, you’re still awake ? You should not watching this.”

 

                  Kara turns her head to her trying to stop crying.

 

“No. I am fine.”, she says tired and sleepy.

 

Lena walks to her and sits next to her.

 

“Love…you’re crying.”

“I don’t care.”

“Let’s go to bed…go be my blanket.”

“We can’t.”

“Kara…it’s fine.”

“No ! It’s not, we can’t sleep together if I hit you.”

 

Lena does not answer, she looks at her with concern and pain. She passes the tip of her finger on her cheeks. And kisses her but Kara does not respond to it.

 

“At least if you don’t sleep with me…stop to watch this bullshits.”

 

“NO ! I won’t !”

“Kara…love…what’s the matter with you ?”

“You have to understand that I need to know ! I need to see this ! I need to her them teling shit about you, about me, and about us. I need to watch it, I need to catch my fucking late.I need to know what happened to you and to the family.”

“But it’s fuck you up !”

“No ! I need to watch it !”

 

“Kara I am worried…”

“ NO ! I hit you. I hit you, I made you bleed with with own fist and I can forgive myself.”

“But it’s okay, I was not, I can’t be mad at you. I was just scare because the nighares you make scare me. I love you and I know that you’re not well…and I wanna help you. And I don’t know what to do….I don’t know what to do anymore…”

 

 

So Lena starts kisses her jawline.

 

“Please…I am...I am not feeling well.”

“Bullshits.”

 

                  Lena let go her embrace.

 

“I..I would like to finish this…”

 

                  Lena gets up from the couch, goes to the kitchen to take a bottle of water in the fridge an goes to the roof without saying a word. Kara was not paying attention, all she can focus is the screen she is looking at. She hears the voices from the videos, they’re speaking about Kara. And Lena can’t not stand it anymore.

 

“Bullshites. It’s all bullshits.”

 

                  Kara gets up from the couch and opens the windows.

 

“There are things I need to know, that I need to understand. I see this people telling bad things, I saw you and everyone I love in pain. I was dead for eighteen months, the Earth continued to turn, the sun carried on to rise and I can’t even look at you in the eyes…because if I don’t understand all of this…how can I even look at you in the eyes ? I see things in my head that you can’t see and I hit it, you bleed because of me, and you’re a part of it and it makes things even worst because I can’t understand…I can’t understand.”

 

                  And she flies away.

Lena goes to the roof and lights a cigarette. That was all for tonight. She is so lost. She don’t understand. She cries when she looks at the sky. This is where Kara came from, the sky. She is part of the starts. A part of the unknown. She represents what scientists, astrophysicists, astronauts wants to understand…but there are so many questions, so many interrogations that they can’t figure it out. The universe is so big. And Kara is a part of this universe. And there are so many points, theories, controversies and debates to find the right answer. Only times and super modern technologies will try to help to find what really going on in the sky, in the stars and in the universe. And Kara is one of this questions. But Lena is not an astrophysician, a scientist, an astronaut, a strings theory specialist or an expert about the multiverse theory. No, she is Kara’s wife and her better than anyone should know what’s going on in her head. But she does not know, so how all this specialists can even have an idea about the things in the sky, in space ? They don’t if she does not.

 

 

Kara lands at Alex and Maggie’s place. She knocks on the windows, they’re watching TV with Barry who stays a little longer in National City to enjoy his family.

 

“Kara ?”, says Alex opening the window “What are y…”

“What happened ?” she asks.

“What ?”

“Here the past eighteen months, what happened to Lena ? What had she done the past eighteen month ?”

“Kara, wh-“

“Answer me ! What happened to her ? She would have never leave the town. Never !”

“Kara, you’re seems upset and angry. What happened ?”

“That’s not the point ! I need to know what happened !”

“About what Kara ?”

“Where is Winn ? Where is Diana ?  Where Barry went ?”

“What ? What ?”

“You, Barry, Diana and Winn are her bestfriens. You know things. You know what happened. I searched on the internet. The stolen only pics of her I found since my funerals, are some pics taken the same day. She is in Central Park with Krypto. The rest are official pics for her company and her philantropists things. Where was she ? What happened ?”

“Calm down Kara, take a deep breath.”

“I WON’T ! Where are Winn and Diana ?”

“I am gonna call them...it’s okay, we got you.”

 

Once Winn and Diana at Alex and Maggie’s Kara is stand in front of them.

 

“Kara, you making me nervous…what is it ?”

“I saw things that I don’t like. And I have some questions.”

“Wh-what things ?”

“How as Lena ?”

“What ?”

“I need you to tell me how was Lena when I was dead and buried ? I need to know what she did ? How she deal with it ?”

“She went to New York City, you know that.”

“There is something more. She would have never leave you. Never. She loves you all way too much, to just move somewhere else where you’re not too.”

“Barry, you love her more than anything, what happened to her ?”

“K..Kara I don’t know…she just leave after Lex’s trial and it was very complicated to have news from her.”

“That’s impossible. You’re always texting.”

“Yes…but she leave the town Kara. And we only saw her once at Thankgiving because your mom asked her to come…and she can’t say no to Eliza. You know that.”

“Diana…you met her before she met me and all this people in this room…”

“I am sorry Kara…but…we’re asking ourselves the same questions…she disappear and…that’s all. She send news from time to time and sometimes nothing for months.”

“She took Krypto, clothes and the pictures and…and she just leave.”

“It’s a mystery from everyone.”

 

                  Kara walks around the living-room.

 

“Kara what-“

“I HIT HER !”

“What ?”

“I HIT HER !”

“This..”

“I was having a nightmare and I hit her, I made her bleed with my own fist.”          

“Oh my…she said that she fell in the bathroom...”, says Winn.

“She did not fell. I hit her in my sleep.”

 

                  Kara is crying.

 

 

“You have to tell me because she doesn’t want to speak about it…She does not want to talk. And I can’t…I can’t look at her. I can’t talk either. She says that it does not matter, that it wasn’t me…but she is broken and I can’t forgive myself. You did to tell me what happened to her ?”

“I am sorry Little One but…we don’t know. We saw what you saw…we lived what you saw before she left…but that’s all. She just said that she was leaving when we went back from your funerals. We only saw her at Lex’s trial after that. ”

“She hides something. I know it, I know her. ”

 

Kara looks at them and goes back to the window. She slowly opens it, trying to control her strength to not break anything and she flies away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry but things will get better in the next chapter, don't worry.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara fights her inner demons and Lena wants to help her so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot, a lot, a lot, like.....A LOT for the last feedback, I always smile when I read your comments. All this kudos, all this comment are really really dope, thanks thanks thanks thanks, :). 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter...it's in two parts, so, this is the first one. 
> 
> Enjoy and thank you so so so much again. 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup .

** Chapter 19.  **

 

She flies for a long moment before she decides to land at the D.E.O. She even wonders if she did not saw the Chinese Wall above China and the Red place around Moscow. She just flew with no particular direction. She is still a little weak but the adrenaline, the pain and the anger boost her metabolism. She enters her personal training room. Still in pj’ but she does not care, she wears a sweatpants with a white tee and she starts to hit things. She did not activate the little rays of Kryptonite to make her a little powerless. She lost control. The D.E.O is empty where she is so she can do what she wants. She destroys everything but she does not care too. She needs it. She needs to break things. She needs to destroy. She can’t even cry, all she can to is hit things. She can’t come back home like this. She needs to let the anger get out of her. She has to. Lena can’t see her like this. She loves her way too much. Kara knows that Lena is the one in pain. Kara is aware. But she is also aware to that she is in pain as well.

She is angry with herself, so much angry. She promised to take care of Lena until the end of time, she promised to always be there sick or healthy and it only took a gun and seven bullets to throw everything on the ground. Everything they built together was gone. When she sees herself in the mirror she does not know who she is. When she looks at Lena, all she can think is that she does not deserve those perfect emerald eyes. This green you can only see on Fauvism canvas. Sometimes in Impressionism ones when they look at the sun, when they bright so much with its rays. Kara knows that, it’s a part of her love for Lena. A part of why she fell for her, to this perfect green. A so much different green that what Kryptonite looks like. A safe green. A peaceful green.

And now, when she looks at them, all she can see is war. A war between the pigments of her shades, the tiredness of her color. There are some sad shades of grey, a sorrowful vibe.

Yes, she knows. She is aware that this eyes fought things they would never have to fight. She sees the war they’re in. And it breaks her heart because her blue wasn’t there to help, to support and to protect her green. Because her blue was out, and buried, and dead.

So the green fought alone and let itself go and give up.

Yes, there is a war, it’s a war that unfolds in her eyes. An unfair one. An unchosen one.

 

The hole in the wall that she let is a metaphor of what happens in her heart, in her brain and in her ; it’s deep, it’s messy and black. All black.

 

Kara is a little calmer now. She flies home. Lena is in their living room with a glass of Irish scotch. It’s 4.47am. Krypto is asleep on their bed. He is lost too. The happy home he once had and that he believed he would have again is messy. It’s sad, he’s sad and not like he use to be.

 

“I am sorry.”, she says.

“You never talked to me like this before. Never.”, Lena says without looking at her and the terrifying calm and cold voice. “You’ve never been this angry with me, even worst, against me. You never had this voice…you never have these eyes.”

 

“It was not me…I was so mad. I was upset.”

“Even at our worst nights…you never had this voice.”

“I…I feel some much guilty for what’ve done to you. It’s something that I can’t delete from my memory.”

 

She pauses.

 

“I..I-I...it wasn’t me. I just needed to know what happened as soon as I die. I needed to understand. I needed to see this. What people think…what they did not think…and I am so angry at myself. I am angry for that…me…dead…and everything. And…I can’t imagine how much…how much…I mean I saw you at my own funerals. I saw it. I saw you. And I can’t stand it. Can’t stand the tears, can’t stand the pain. Can’t stand see you deal with this two feelings at the same time, because of me.”

“You don’t even look at me anymore.”

“I heard everything…they insulted you, they accused you. They said that you’re a bad person. Some of them even said that you’re the one who shot me. They thought that you have some many love affairs…with Barry, with Winn...even with Diana. I mean…what the fuck ?”

“I know what people say and said.”

“I saw your face the day they threw disgusting things at your face that day. I see your face…I saw nothing in your eyes. You looked like…”

“Like I was dead I am aware. I was there, it was me.”

“I am so, so so, sorry.”

“We could…we could have just…protect us and just try to catch the past eighteen months. We could just have go somewhere and…just be together. I thought that everything was finally over the night you came back. I had absolutely no fucking ideas that….that this would drive us to…to something like this. You don’t even sleep with me. You can’t imagine how much I dreamt to have you back to fill the space in the bed, yours, to just simply feel your arms around me. The feeling of being safe. Now that you’re fucking back and it’s a fucking miracle…you don’t even sleep with me. My wife, who loves me and I love her, don’t even wanna sleep with me.”

“BUT I HIT YOU ! I FUCKING HIT YOU !”

“BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT FOR FUCK’S SAKE ! A FUCKING ACCIDENT ! I AM NOT A FUCKIGN SUGAR I AM NOT A FUCKING LITTLE GIRL.”

“I could have kill you, burn you to death.”

“I know you wouldn’t have.”

“Why ?”

“You woke up.”

                  “But what if I didn’t ?”

                  “You did it. You came back to me. Like you always do. You always come back. You always come back to me.”

 

There is a small silence. Lena is drinking another glass of Irish scotch.

 

“You didn’t talk either. You never told me how it was…how it was to live without me. Why you left National City. Why you left our town, our life, our friends, ours family. You would never ever leave Winn and Maggie. You would never not send tons of texts to Barry. Barry who lives in another fucking galaxy, so as Diana, you would never spend a day without speaking to them. All of them.”

“You have to deal with everything you’re experience now before I tell you that. You have no fucking idea about how it was. What I had to face. Why I had to protect them and protect me. I had to leave. I needed to. I can’t tell you that right now. I can’t ‘cause it’s too painful. You have to be better to know that because one of us has to stay strong when you’ll know. It has to be you because I won’t be the strong one this time. But please let me help you….let be a part of the cure. I wanna watch what you wanna watch, I want to be with you when you get mad and want to destroy things. I want to hold your hand when you hear a heavy noise and tell you that everything is gonna be okay. I miss you…you’re in our home with me but I miss you, I miss you so much.”, says Lena crying, almost begging Kara to understand and to be okay with that, to agree with that.

“You have no idea how I feel when you’re sleeping in another part of the house and not in our bedroom with me, in our bed where you belong.”

 

Kara looks at the walls and feels Lena takes her hand.

 

“Please look at me.”, she cries. “I can’t stand this. You used to always look at me when we’re in the same room. It hurts so much to not met your gaze everytime I raise my head or turns it around.”

“I am…I-I..”

“It’s a torture to not sleep with you. It kills me every nights.”

“But...Lena...it’s not safe.”

“I PREFER TO BE HIT BY YOU WHEN YOU HAVE A NIGHTMARE…”, she starts screaming, “than not sleeping with you. I was alone all my fucking life, then I meet you, I became happy like you have no ideas, we get married and then I lost you and I slept alone…again. For eighteen fucking months and it was a nightmares, it was my nightmares. Cold nightmares, every nights.”

“I am sorry…”

“Stop being sorry and act for fuck’s sake. Do something ! I can and I want to help you feel better but we have to work hand in hand. Do ! Something Kara !”

 

Kara finally looks at her.

 

“Maybe…maybe…tonight I can be your blanket.”

 

Lena looks at her too, her eyes full of tears. Her green is becoming colorful again. They bright so much.

 

“Yes. Yes, please do it. Sleep together is a very good start.”

 

Kara smiles. Lena takes her hand and put it on her cheek. Kara moves her thumb and lean to her and kiss her. It’s soft and nice.

 

Lena to reassure herself takes Kara in her arms and hold on tight. Very tight.

 

“You’re gonna be okay.”

“You’re gonna be okay too.”

 

Kara takes her in her arms bridal style and walks to their bedroom. She delicately puts Lena in the covers and climb in too. And Kara does what Lena misses almost the most, Kara wraps her in her arms. And she feels it. She feels the love and the safety. Lena turns herself to face Kara and let her face invades her neck. She smiles against the sky. And Kara kisses her forehead. Lena raises her head and kisses her without moving her lips. Kara breaks the kiss.

 

“I am so sorry…you have no idea how much I am so sorry.”

 

Lena does not answer and looks at her in the eyes, then Kara cut the distance and kisses her as well.

 

“Good night sweat Kryptonian Blanket of mine.”, she whispers drying her last tears.

“Good night my beautiful Human blanket user.”

  

* * *

 

 

They did not made love since Kara’s come back. Not once. When Lena tries something at night or at morning. Kara is distant and most of the time she gets up from bed and find some excuses to not do it. The nightmares are till there, they’re still strong, sometimes they’re more violent that the night before, sometimes Kara lost control but Lena is there. She wakes her up and tell her that she’s safe and home and that everything is okay. That She, Kara, is okay.

By the time, Lena moved back to National City. She made is quick, because except her clocks, her pieces of art and her pictures, she did not took anything else. She bought the New York City penthouse and selected furnitures like she did not cared, like it was not important. Because it wasn’t. She let everything in the penthouse. She hated and still hates everything from there. But she did not took the time to take care of her masterpieces. They’re at the bank safe. She also moved the L-Corp headquarter and she is back in the old building. She only goes there for meeting.

Kara is still distance sometimes. Of course, they talk, of course, they kiss, of course it’s still hard. But they did not made love once since the night Kara knocked on Lena’s door. Lena is concerned and worry.

 

One night, Kara climb to the bed and wraps Lena in her arms and Lena tries again, tries to make Kara touches her.

 

She turns to face her and she kisses her, Kara deepening and answering the kiss. She even put her hands on her hips and hold them firmly enough. Lena let her hands go under her tee and passes the tips of her fingers on her abs. Maybe tonight is the night where they will finally make it. What Lena is waiting for days. And when she takes of her tee, Kara grabs her worst and stops everything.

 

Enough is enough. Lena can’t stand this anymore. She decides to speak to Kara. Trying to figure this out.  

 

“Kara ? Is there anything wrong ?”

“What are you talking about ?”

“You don’t touch me. We don’t have sex.”

“What ?”

“Did I say or do something wrong ? Don’t you want me anymore ? You don’t touch me, you used to touch me all the time even without make love…you always been physical with me. You don’t touch me anymore. You don’t even hold my hand. ”

“Lena no, of course I want you. What are you talking about ?”

“We don’t have sex, we did not made love since the day you came back. Not once. And it’s been a month.”

“Are you mad ?”

“No, I am not mad. I feel unwanted, I feel concern, I feel worry. We used to do this so many times, anytime, almost anywhere…even when we had a fight…I loved the sex after a fight.”, she smiles sadly, crying. “You used to love this…and so do I…so much. And I miss your touch. I miss you.”

“I..I…I don’t know. I..I can’t explain. Maybe it’s too soon or…maybe I will hurt you. I….I should go on a walk..”

                  “Kara…no…please stay. I just wanna talk, no arguments, no fights..”

                  “ I-I….I am going to run few blocs…I…yeah..I am gonna do that…I won’t be long.”

 

                 

                  She disappear in the dressing room, once done getting dress, Lena was not in bed anymore.

 

“Krypt’…come here.”

She puts on her hood closing the door behind her.

She can’t remember how much she ran that night but when she opened the door of their bedroom from their bathroom Lena was asleep. And seemed tired anyways.

  

* * *

 

  

Lena is having lunch with Maggie at Alex and Maggie’s place. They talk and they seem pretty chill but Maggie is not a fool. She knows Lena by heart and she knows every expression of her face, especially when something is wrong.

 

“What is it ?”

“What ?”

“What happened ?”

“Magg’, I don’t understand.”

“You did not touched your kale.”

“So what ? I am not that hungry.”

“…bitch, you always eat your kale. I am a detective, I detect things. And I just detected that you did not ate your kale.”

“Right…right….”

 

Maggie stands up from her chair and goes to the bar, searching for scotch glasses and a nice bottle.

 

“You still have this one ?”

“Yes, why ?”

“I gave you this bottle more than a year ago.”

“So what ?”

“You did not drank it yet ?”

“It’s a fucking 25 years old scotch.”

“So what ?”

“So what ? Are you kidding me ? It’s freaking expensive Lee’ !”

“I have like 10 bottles of this at home. Drink this one, I’ll give you another.”

“You piece of rich kale.”

 

Maggie laughs a little but Lena does not. Not this time.

 

“So…what it ? You look tired and upset. Almost sad.”

“She does not want to make love.”

“What ?”

“We did not have sex since she’s back.”

“WHAT ? Are you kidding me ?”

“AM I look like fucking kidding you ?”

“But it’s been a little more than a month.”

“I know.”

“But why ?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you..di…”

“Of course, I have, almost every nights”, answers Lena knowing what Maggie what about to say.

“And ?”

“And when it’s get serious and deeper she just turns around or stop everything saying “Good” fucking “night”.”

“But she loves you...She loves you physically and…the first time you and her did it, she told Alex"…blehblehbleh Lena…Blahblahblah Lena…"for hours. You should have seen Alex’s face…”

“I am not joking Magg’, it’s serious.”

“But I am serious, I just don’t understand. Did you talked to her…?”

“Yes, I did.”

“What did she said ?”

“She puts a sweatpants and went for a run with Krypto.”

 

There is a small silence. Maggie hesitates a second and finally said.

 

“The night of your fight…she went there…Barry was here, Diana and Winn too…and she was mad and angry, almost aggressive…we did not knew what to do and she was asking questions…An-“

“What kind of questions ?”

“How you deal with everything, why you leave National City, she was sure that you would never did something like this without us moving away with you. And we did not know what to answer. We were lost and she was mad…and…”

“And what ?”

“She flew away…without saying a word.”

 

There is another small silence.

 

“Lena did you...””

 

Lena is now looking at her with tears in the eyes and the jaw clenched.

 

“Did you told her about the b-…”

“Don’t.”, she said. “Don’t say it. Please.”

“Did you ?”

“No.”

 

She pauses. 

 

"I am not ready...yet. I can't right now."

“Lee’ she knows that something happened.”

“Please don’t tell me that you and Alex told her.”

“No...no. Of course not. We couldn’t. It’s not up to us to do it.”

“Did you told Barry, Diana ?”

“No !”

“J’onn or Eliza ?”

“Of course not !’”

“I am sorry…I did not want to sound angry.”

“It’s okay Lee’…you can be angry here. It’s not a problem.”

“I don’t know how to tell her. That night, she came back…she asked me to do it. But I couldn’t and at this precise moment my stomach and my belly hurted me so much. It hurted me like a reminder. A reminder of what happened. Of what I lost. And not only the baby…but Kara as well. It was like a knife stabbing me there again and again and again. I woke up this night and ran to the bathroom because I needed to puke. And I puke everything I could.”

 

Maggie looks at her with tears at the edge of her eyes and she holds her hand and caressing it with her thumb. She can’t understand what Lena lived nineteen months ago. He has absolutely no ideas. But she feels it. She feels the pain and the concern running within her body, running in her veins. Like she feels a part of Lena’s pain. That night, Lena had lost everything. Her wife and their child. In just few hours and even less.

 

Lena takes her glass and drinks it in one stroke, takes the bottle again and pours some scotch in it again.

 

She ironically smile and says.

 

“She is the best lover I’ve ever had. The sex was always amazing, we’re on the same level. We had and shared the best nights ever. She always gave me everything, she always knew what do or not do Now…now she does not even want to touch me. It’s like I am burning her, like I am some of this fucking Kryptonite.”, she smiles sadly.

 

Maggie takes her hand.

 

“You know…there was a time where I knew how she was about to do it...to do me. When she came back home at night, from work or from some Supergirl duties, with some ideas in mind. When she just let her things, her keys, her bag, her coat on the floor like she did not even care. And she used to walk to me, with this particular approach. Usually I was on the couch, waiting for her, watching TV, reading, working or something like this. And it was written on her face, she has this sparkle in her eyes. Like a fire. A deep and torrid fire. Yes, it was a big fire. And I knew, I knew, how the sex was going to be. I knew how she was about to fuck me. Fuck me with love. I knew how sensual the sex was going to happen. She just walked and I knew right away. She would turn off the TV, put my computer on the coffee table or my book away, in just one second…or more. I don’t know. And she would lay on me with her iconic smirk and her eyes on fire. Or just hold me and take me to bed. She would kiss me. Sometimes softly, sometimes more deeply or more angrily. More erotically, I would say. And she would take off my clothes, I would sometimes take off her clothes too…and…magic would happen. I miss this…you can’t imagine how much I miss this. Her, coming home who does not say a word and just walk to take off my clothes, hold to me bed or…or she would just fuck me on the couch. And it would have been extraordinary. It was always extraordinary.

 

She takes a sip of her glass. Again.

 

“I am sorry for all this details…but I…but I just…”

“Eh Lee’, it’s okay. I am your friend. What else I am suppose to do ?”, says Maggie “And you know that I am the best at this, listen to you.”

 

So Lena carries on.

 

“I miss her…I miss her taking control. I miss her hands on me. I miss her touch. I miss her weight on my body.”

 

And she cries. She can’t stop herself. She cries, she let go everything.

 

“I swear to you Maggie, I swear that we were happy. We were happy at every points. Happy in Life, happy at work, happy with each other, happy in bed. For the first time in my life, as far as I can remember, I was happy. We had perfect lives. And the one we shared was so perfect too. Even better. Everything is better with Kara. And now, I am happy, of course, but I don’t know what to do.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I have to getting use again. Use to touch you, kiss your neck, your jawline, when I want. But I can’t, it’s like something does not want me to do. Like if I wasn’t allowed to do it. Like you’re not mine, like you don’t belong to me anymore. Like if I touch you, you’ll see what I dream and dream in your turn at night. I won’t support this. I won’t support that you see what I see when I am asleep. It’s not possible. I won’t let it happens.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara finally have The talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is, Lena finally talks to Kara about what happened to her and Kara, as the God she is, makes a lot of thunder. 
> 
> Sorry for the the day late, I should have post this last night, but I couldn't so I just wrote this chapter today, I hope you'll like it, :). And sorry again...
> 
> Have a nice day/night, :).

****

 

It’s late. Lena has to come back home late. She is exhausted. Her last meeting was not like it was supposed to be. She ended up by hit the table with her fist and took her Boss Ass Bitch C.E.O voice and yelled at them to “Shut up. I am the boss here, I am in charge. I pay you every month. She we’re gonna do what I want. No fucking negotiations.”

 

They were all choked and nodded at her.

 

“No go back home…I am done and fed up with you all.”

 

She packed her things and go back home. She was so tired, physically, mentally, tired everywhere. She needs to sleep as soon as possible, she needs a warm bath and a nice bottle of red wine. Kara is with Alex for a sisters night. So nobody is at home. She decides to call Diana.

 

“Eh..Lee’, what’s up ?”

“Well…I just finished work…Kara is with Alex…I am alone…”

“And you need a drink…no, no, no few drinks, because this old assholes took all your energy..”

“You know me so well…”

“I am sorry…but I can’t tonight…I am not in town…I am back in Paris…you know, work and stuffs, but I’ll be back tomorrow, don’t worry.”

“Oh…it’s alright, I hope everything at the museum will be fix.”

“Don’t worry about than.”

“Good.”

“So…how is Kara ?”

“Oh…you know, nightmares, nocturnal terrors, always want to watch what happened to her, she reads her medicals files from the D.E.O, she made researches on Lex…etc, etc.”

“And you, I mean, both of us, how are you ?”

“She needs more time to…getting use to be alive again. She sleeps with me now, not in a guest room, which is so good, because it was a torture…well...you know, knowing that she is at Home, but in another room. It was the worst.”

“I know SuperPuppy…I know her well, she loves you.”

“Yeah…but…”

“I know…we had this conversation. Don’t worry Lena…she won’t go anywhere, she loves you too much, way too much.”

“Thanks “Ana.”

“Anytime.”

 

Small silence.

 

“Well, I am sorry Lee’ but I have to go…you know it too much…but what about us, the gym and some training.”

“Oh..thanks ! You’ve asked.”

 

Diana laughs.

 

“What about this week. At the D.E.O, more calm, just us, I can break things without getting worry. I can’t wait to kick your ass.”

“Did I mention that I am a Luthor…and a Zor-El…it makes me a Super-Luthor.”, says Lena with a playful voice. 

“Yes…yes, you did, few times.”, says Diana with a very warm and laughing voice. “I really have to go. Thanks for the call, keep a bottle for me, I send you a tons of hugs, kisses and hugs again.”

“Yes, hugs.”

“Love you Lee’.”

“Love you.”

 

She hangs off and finally turns the key in the door and opens it. She lets her bags on the floor and her coat on the couch. She sighs in relief.

The penthouse is desert, Krypto is sleeping on his armchair. Because yes, nobody can sit in there except Kara and Lena.

 

“He Krypt’, how was your day ?”

 

The dog gets up and stand up in front of Lena who kneels in front of him.

 

‘Eh Buddy, you seem happy to see that Mommy Lee’ is back home.”, she says petting his head. 

 

The dogs barks and put his head in her neck.

 

“Oh…the good boy took a bath today ? Did Mama Kar’ ”

 

He barks.

 

“Wanna go for a walk on the roof ?”

 

“Come on.”

 

 

                  She lights a cigarette and enjoying the view. She missed National City so much.

                  She puts some water in her roof-garden and go back in the living room. She puts her coat and puts it in her dressing room. Then she goes to the bathroom. And unbutton 2 or 3 buttons of her white shirt. She lets her hair natural after putting her black elastic on the sink. She takes off her bracelets, her watch, her rings except her engagement one and wedding one. Then, she unbuttons completely her shirt without take it off and let another sighs fill the air. She looks at her black bra under her shirt in the mirror reflection. She puts her hands on her belly like there was something in there, she turns so she can see her profile in the mirror. She imagines herself if she would have been pregnant. She puts her hands on her boobs like if they were bigger, like pregnant women. Then she turns back face to face with the mirror and starts to remove one’s make. First the red lipstick, then her face powder.

                  When she puts some make-up remover on a cotton she feels something wraps her and a warm sensation under her left ear. She looks down on her belly and sees Kara arms wrap her hips from behind.

 

“Eh.”, Kara says softly.

“Eh.”, she answers, “I thought it was a sister night, I wasn’t excepted to see you so soon.”

“And I wasn’t excepted to see you this earlier on a week night.”, says Kara kissing the side of Lena’s neck. “You looks so beautiful.”she carries on watching them in the mirror’s reflection.

 

Lena let a quick and soft laugh.

 

“Oh no...come on... I am a mess, I remove the make-up and you’ll see my rings under my eyes.”

“No. You’re beautiful.”, she whispers again looking at Lena eyes still in the mirror.

 

                  Then she carries on to kiss her neck from behind, not letting her embrace go.

 

“Honey, what are you doing ?”

“What do you think I am doing ? I am kissing this soft and warm neck.”

 

 

Lena closes her eyes and let her head on Kara shoulder, her throat exposed and Kara carries one to kiss her neck, again, and again, and again.

The touch of Kara’s hands and forearms on the naked skin of her belly makes Lena shiver. Then Lena’s turn around to face Kara, she puts her hands and the bathroom’s sick so she stale stable. Then Kara hold her to sit her on the sink and Lena wraps her legs around Kara. Lena puts her forearms on her shoulders and Kara takes of her shirts to let fully appears her black bra. And Kara kisses her again.

 

“Take me to bed.”, she whispers (in a moan).

 

They kiss for a moment before Kara hold her in her arms, Lena’s legs still wrap around her hips strongly. And she lays her on the bed, she takes off her sweater and Lena takes off her white tee.

With her tiptoes she takes care of her heels, first the left one, then the right one.

Without leaving her mouth from Lena’s, Kara holds her and carry her head on the pillows. And in less than a minute, Lena is in underwear.

 

And magic happens. The one that Lena loves so much ; Kara’s hands all over her body. And it feels so good. It’s like she can breathe again. Like she can finally breath again because now she’s sure that Kara is going better. She let her be touch, she let herself the right to touch her wife, not just kisses, not just holding her hand, but a deep touch, an intimate touch.

They’re thirsty for each other and they need to drink it. A little light brights them. Lena is beautiful in this half darkness passing her hand on Kara’s cheek. Lena takes off her heels like children do, without hands but with the top of they foot and she takes Kara’s glasses off. Mouths against mouths, Kara wanders her hands along Lena’s thigh. She wants to touch her skin, so she raises her hand and takes off her pantyhose without take a look on what she is doing, she does not want. She does not want leave Lena’s eyes. She can’t do this anymore. It’s not possibly and it won’t be any possible now. Her porcelain skin is so soft. She smells so good, it was all Kara could think about. Then Lena kisses her and Kara gives a stroke of pressure between her hips. And Kara finally takes her skirt off. On her kneels, between Lena’s legs she puts her belt away and unbutton her jean.

Kara kisses her, now, the road to the South of her body, Lena shivers. Kara knows this road by heart. It’s something you just can’t forget. She kisses her until her nose found the last piece of clothes that Lena is wearing. And she passes her on Lena’s elastic panties, the warms between her thighs caressing her cheeks. And she kisses there, without taking it off. And Lena’s body becomes then a straight line of tension. Kara finally takes it off and write a poem between Lena’s legs with her mouths. Kara raises her head and see Lena bits her metacarpus. And she moans, moans like it’s hurt. Kara wants this, she wants that Lena remembers this moment. She wants to feel wanted. It was effective.

Kara pass an arm around her so she does not move. Lena holds firmly the fitted sheet with her fist, contracts her body and lets her neck form an arc by the tension between her legs. And in a second its goes away, she lets herself go, she lets herself relax and unbend.

Once Lena completely naked, Kara is off to the North of her body, without dial or compass or contrary winds. She does not need them to find the North. And she just rest her head on her chest, just for the feeling of it, just to be sure that her heart is beating like it used to. No rush, no emergency, no precipitated gestures. Kara needs to take her time. Lena passing her fingers in Kara’s hair. And she feels it, she feels The Touch and the frustration walking away by the window. Lena presses her fingers into Kara’s shoulders blades and she feels her whole again.

 

* * *

  

Now she straddles her, rocking her hips against her. Kara is half sits, her back against the headboard holding Lena by the hips. Lena has a hand hooking it, the other holding Kara’s neck.

Kara’s head who swallows in Lena’s neck. They don’t look at each other, they just feel. They just feel and it feels so good. Lena still moving take a step back with her bust. Her breath is quick and warm against Kara’s face.

 

“Let me look at you, let me look at you.”, she says.

 

And then Kara turns them up on the mattress, Lena’s breath is cut for a second before her back hit the sheets, hair in eyes. 

Her arms hugging, fiercely, Kara’s neck. And it was good, it was so good. And Kara shells straight between her hips, without thinking. It regenerates her, so as Lena. It has to be physical, it has to be right now. And Kara does not give her any respite. Almost none. Her nose crashes on her temple, her teeth clench and her heart in a full marathon mood. It’s a sprint, a mental and aortic sprint. An anatomical and arterial sprint, actually, silly and loving. Lena shouted and her voice is spreading the room. Everywhere, in every corner. Up from down, on the left, on the right. Everywhere. Kara likes it, that Lena loves her and her only. Kara has to leave this memory to her. An intense memory, physical, mental even sexual. She wants to be forgiven. She needs to be. And she suddenly feels her nails sink into the skin of her back with a rap, her body stretched, her legs stiffened, her belly stiffened too and her stopping breath. She stays there and pushs to the end. Her sweaty forehead in her wet neck and then the revival. Her throat relaxes with light and heavy noises coming out from it.

Kara’s teeth don’t peel off her jaw right away. When she no longer feels the pressure on her back, she moves again within, gently, waiting for Lena’s cry to fade and her body pressure back down. Then nothing. Lena pushes Kara, breathless, tired and straddled her again, sitting, kneels bent. And Kara watches her chest inhales as much air as it’s possible to regain to a stable breathing. She says nothing. She looks straight in Kara’s eyes, panting and tested. Lena’s hands well flat and well parallel on both sides of her navel, her wrists resting on the wife grey elastic of Kara’s boy short, like she is giving herself up. Wisps of hair fell on her face. A point of a wick pricks her lower lip, which she bites.

Lena is pure in the moment.

They’re looking in each other eyes without saying a word. Lena takes Kara’s hands and she gently kisses her fingers one by one before laying them delicately on her cheeks. Her fingers are still warm and impregnated of her. So Kara stands up so Lena’s head higher than Kara’s. She lowers her hand son her hips still burning and they look at each other again. Kara feels Lena's breathe again her face. She is recovering from Kara. They say nothing and Lena is still breathless.

It’s the perfect proximity. The perfect Love.

 

* * *

  

Lena is asleep, half of one leg out of the bed. Kara is not tired and get out from the sheets to wander in the house. She ends up in Lena’s office and look at the open safe. Lena probably did not close it when they moved. She fully opens it. It’s a very big safe. Kara did not remember how much it’s a big safe. She looks at what its contains. She reads the paper. There is a lot of property titles, from houses, buildings, restaurant, art galleries and so on.

There are a lot of titles that they did not bought when Kara “was still alive”, so she presumes that Lena bought them when she was dead. She looks at the places of the properties.

There is a restaurant in Paris, with a private penthouse not so far away from Orsay museum. There is building in Moscow, their private beach and house in Hawaï, a very big house in Reykjavik and some other flats around the world.

There is another stack of paper. It’s some contracts for the purchase of vineyards in Franc in the Médoc region for the red wine and in Champagne for the drink of the same name. There is even a contract of association with Le Château Margaux. Kara knows that it’s Lena favourite French red wine. It was on Lena’s becket list to buy shares of this vineyard. The puts back the pieces of paper on their place and take the bag next to them. She opens it. It’s a big box full of they souvenirs. There is a Delilah that Kara’s brought her one day, the first time she bought flowers to Lena. There is a wedding pic and another flowers from their bouquets. There are some old cinema tickets and more pic. There is a old and empty Kara’s bottle of perfume, one of Kara’s glasses. Kara smiles. And then she found a piece of paper.

She recognizes her own handwriting, she starts to read and then she starts to cry. She just found the vows she had written to Lena for their wedding day. And behind them, it was Lena’s to Kara. She sits one the floor and starts to read Lena’s and she closed her eyes and sees the scene.

 

“I am gonna quote one of my favorite painters now..it’s Frida Khalo, you know that. And I was reading stuffs about her and I bought her diary and there was this sentence..it hit me and everytime I read it I always think about you. Because she wrote this for us, I know that…Because it’s quite simple actually, I am the last and probably the only one last Luthor standing who did not killed anybody because they were different…and I always felt like I was an outsider, at school, at home, even at work…but Kara, I’ve never felt like an outsider with you…I always been myself, and I discovered so many parts of me, thanks to you, I meet my best friends, the brothers and the sister I wish I had with I was a child. And I know that you felt and you still feel different, weird and bizarre because you can hold a tank on your shoulder, you can’t burn, you can fly, and so many dope things. Because you speak a language that only two people can speak, because you can hear people thoughts, you can run as fast are the wind, ever faster than the wind, you see things that nobody can see, you can feel things than no human can feel. And you looked at me that day, you did not saw the weird person that I was, that I am still, you asked on a date and for the first time in my life I’ve did not feel different. I did not feel that you asked me on a date because you wanted something from me, money, a mistakes that you  could have sell to the people press, you did not asked for weird question, or stupid stuffs that most of the people that I meet ask me, you just wanted to know me, you just wanted to share time and nice meals. And I swear that I was the happiest because you looked at me in there eyes, and the weird in me left, because I’ve met you, and you became my Person, my ride or die, you became my Diego Rivera….and..so..yeah…yeah…it’s just hit me because she wrote : ” _I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me, who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true, I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you_ ”.

 

It was her favorite part of her vows.

 

 

Kara is crying holding the piece of paper against her heart. Then, she starts to read her own vows to Lena and imagines this scene as well.

 

“You quote Frida…I know how much you love her…I know it because you woke me up six months ago at 5 am on a Sunday to fly you to Paris, to an auction actually…and you bought a Frida Khalo for like 9.700.000 million dollars. I thought you were insane because when I saw you raised your hand and said the price I was crazy. I was really crazy because I thought that you’ve became insane. But I saw your smile when the auctioneer said “ _Sold_.” To you….I saw that it was a happy smile. And…I really thought that you were insane for spending so much money. But you looked at me and said “But it’s a Frida ! I love Frida. I can’t believe that I finally own a Frida !”, “Frida”, you don’t say Khalo because you wish she was your friend. And when the guy from Christies came at our home to expose the Frida one our living room wall…you cried. You cried and I really understand. I remembered falling I love with you one more time...and this time I fell really, really hard. You never came to bed that night, you stay sit on the floor, watching your painting. But anyways, I did not planed to speak about this in my vows so…yeah…well…When  met you, I knew you you were, but I did not know you. And I knew the first time I saw these beautiful eyes that I was going to be stuck with you for the rest of my life. And before we became a couple, and I was always interviewing you…looking on the internet for your projects and there were nothing bad about them. None of them were bad, it was all about the people, give them a better life, like this absolutely amazingly crazy project that you have, this schools and clean water in Africa. And I read what people thought about you; that you were a cold women, with a heart of it, a rich business woman, some of them even said that you weren’t a scientist, an engineer. And I, I became crazy, even insane, because what they said and wrote were so not like you are. They said that you gave your money just for communication, for your image, and for business. But no. You gave your own money for some privates. But money is not the most priceless thing you gave. You Lena, gave me time. Time is the most precious thing that someone can give to another person. We can’t buy it, that’s why it’s the most priceless thing in the entire galaxy. I wish I had more time, myself, before I lost everything I had back on Krypton. I wish I could buy time to use it to spent it with my mom, my dad, my aunt Astra. But I can’t. I couldn’t have buy time but you gave me yours. That’s the most precious thing someone did to me. You gave me your time, you gave me your love and your trust, and I feel like I am the most rich person in the universe. Because it’s true, I am this person. A part of me was made by you with the time you gave to me. And I am gonna quote Rick Warren you makes me think about you : “ _When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time._ ”, we can’t buy it, we can’t own it, we can’t have it back but we can share it. And I wanna share my time with you for the rest of my life.”

 

 

Kara smiles, drying her tears and put the papers in the bag and takes another one. She opens it, reads the first sentence and close it quickly. It was Lena’s speech at her funeral, the private and intimate one.

She is way too happy to read it now. Way too happy so she puts the paper back and close the safe. After she took a look at Lena’s private masterpieces, there is painting, drawing, a little sculpture, she can’t wait to ask Lena about them. She probably get them when she was gone.

 

She is looking at a painting, a little one, it’s an Impressionism painting, with a very amazing blue in the sky and then she hears.

 

“Kara ? Hon’, where are you ?”

“I am right there, I’m coming !’

 

 

She walks back to their bedroom. Lena was laying on the bed, her head againt the mattress.

 

“Where were you ?”

“Oh…just wandering in the house….I may have found things in your safe.”

“Oh…”, she says resting her head on Kara chest who is climbing in the bed to hold her.

 

Kara kisses her head.

 

“And what did you found ?”

“You bought a lot of houses around the world and Art…even vineyards. That’s amazing, you have an empire.”

“Well…..when you…You you..

“You can say it.”

“When you die…I kinda….I became insane. And I traveled with work and every time I saw something I liked I bought it. And I bought vineyards….and a lot of Art…because I needed something to hold on too. It kept me busy…but..i was never happy once I got them.”

“I am sorry.”

 

 

Lena does not answer.

 

 

“I needed to buy things. So I bought a lot of things.”

 

 

Kara does not answer. Then, Lena turn to rest her chin on her chest, and looks Kara in the eyes.

 

 

“I missed this. I missed this so much. Your hands on me. I missed your touch, and your warmness and your kisses, your weight on me. I missed you so much.”

 

Kara kisses her. Gently, softly, lovingly. All that Lena needs.

 

 

“I am sorry. I couldn’t do it before. This dreams are tortures and I can’t stand them. I still can’t. I saw you die every night because I did not sacrificed myself and Lex put the button and you did. I saw you die every night in my dreams, in his little screen that he showed me the night I die. Where I saw you asleep with Krypto. Every night I dream of his face, and his laugh and his horribly beautiful smile. And I fucking hate myself too sometimes to think that you two look alike sometimes. There are things you share physically. And I hate me to think that. Sometimes I even dream that it’s you who kill me, him who pushes you to pull the trigger. I see your eyes and they terrify me in my dreams, because I love them so much when I am awake. He invaded my brain and he conquered it like a fucking knight. And I live, again and again and again my death. I hear you scream, with Alex, I feel my Mom tries to bring me back to life, I feel the electricity of the medical machines in my body. I hear myself scream your name and you <ho can’t hear it. There are other nights where I see you all dead because I couldn’t have save you and I see him like a devil King. I saw him making me a slave and it’s horrible because you die everytime. So I can’t stop thinking about how your survived. It’s hunting me because I can’t understand. I can’t figure it out. I don’t know what you did while I was gone, how you did with everyone, even with Krypto. Because I wouldn’t survice in a world without you.”

 

 

Lena closes her eyes in pain, she has to tell Kara.

 

 

“You know, every days, I woke up trying to find a new way to survive and pass the day. Just surviving the day and then back home, drink some wine and fall asleep on the couch. I fell so many times asleep on the couch. I never done that before. And…I would wake up and take a shower, put some make up to fix the mess that was my face to make people believe that I was okay, that I was taking care of myself and just..yeah….survive. I put this fake smile everyday and every days I couldn’t wait to take it off. I wanted to kill myself every days. I planed this so many times. You can’t imagine how much I planed to kill my self. In a soft way sometimes, just to let go and sometimes in hardest way, because I weirdly wanted to fell what you felt that night. I even had plans for Krypto, he would have went with Winn in National City. And every time I wanted to turn the car’s steering wheel in a ravine, in water when I was driving on a bridge or just press as hard as I could on the accelerator and rush into a wall….but every time I was too cowardly towards myself and not enough with others. So when I failed in killing myself, I made others plans to do it. Or I just bought very expensive things… And one time…”

 

 

She can’t carry on. Her voices breaks and the tears can’t stop falling.

 

 

“I hope you won’t get mad because…I…I..there was a night when I needed to be touch physically. I needed to feel someone touch on me. And I couldn’t handle the fact of not being touch anymore. I drunk at home and a called a cab and I went to night club, it was in New York. I was looking for a one night standing…and I drunk more. I would have been in a hotel and do my business and go. I am sorry…I am so so sorry. I didn’t want to do it but I needed. It was a torture, there was a war between with body, my brain and my heart. So I found this girl at the bar, we talked, and….I kissed her but…”

 

 

Kara does not move, she just listen.

 

 

“I kissed her and as soon as my mouth was on hers, I felt sick, sick and I wanted to puke because  I was disgusting myself. I felt gross and disgusting. Because when she kissed me I felt you. I taste your mouth. And I felt degusting.”

 

Lena looks at Kara with so many pain in her eyes.

 

 

“Once back home, I went to the bathroom and puke everything I could, I cried all night, I was mad at me because I did it and I was so mad at you because you die and you was not there was me anymore…and forever. And I felt the floor open itself under my feet, I felt the sun falling on me, so as the sky. I was so mad at you, I was so mad at me. I had nothing anymore. I hated Life, I hated me. It was unbearable. And I wanted to die so much. I wanted to die to join you and to finally kiss the real person I loved. I needed you so much that night.”

 

 

Kara gets up and wraps her arms around her neck and hold her and hold her and hold her. Lena breaks the embrace.

 

“But I have something more important to tell you. And I understand if you get mad and angry at me…or worst. But…”

 

Kara looks at her with tears in her eyes and pain in her heart.

 

 

“There is something I need to tell you. When we spoke about having a family, having a child and built our legacy.

“Yes…”

“You asked me in our car if I wanted children and I said yes because you were and you’re still the only person I wanna have a child with. And your Mom and I made some researches…and we found that Human DNA can match with Kryponian DNA….Eliza made the discover. I did not talk about this to you because I wanted to surprise you…you know like normal couple…you speak about having a child and then you make love a few times and magic happens and then a night you’re surprise because your wife or girlfriend is pregnant. I wanted to that so fucking much. I wanted to be a fucking big cliché by cooking you a nice dinner and then tell you that I was pregnant and then I would see your smile…I wanted to do that with you so fucking much. So I did it.”

“Lena what are you telling me ?”

“Listen to me please, I won’t be able to tell it twice.”

“Okay…Nana’ I am sorry.”

“So I went to the D.E.O and I matched our DNA and injected this D.N.A with your Mom and the Medical team. I waited. I waited until one time I woke up sick and puke almost on the floor. You were on Supergirl duties that morning so I run to a pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test.”

 

Kara is full of tears. But she does not cry.

 

“I did the test…and it was positive. And I’ve never felt this happy. And I couldn’t wait to tell you. But….but my brother escaped from jail and every thing was suddenly fucked up. I planned to make this stupid dinner but you spent days and days at the D.E.O trying to clean this fucking mess…with Barry, Diana, J’onn, Alex and everyone…and everyone helped, I helped and I planned another plan. In all this chaos I had something to hold to, the little seed in my belly, a Luthor-Zor-El seed with little superpowers. I did not really know for low long I was pregnant but it was like I could felt our child…I don’t know much about Kryptonian pregnancy…but I felt more energetic, I felt something I’ve never felt before, I felt our little seed grown.”

 

Kara can’t speak. She leave Lena’s embrace. They were sit in front of each other.

 

Then Kara finally says.

 

“What happened to our little seed ?”

 

Lena turns her gaze to the wall and looks at the Leonardo Da Vinci drawing.

 

“Lena.”

 

Silence.

 

“Lena what happened to our little seed ?”, Kara voice breaks.

 

“The night we found you…when Winn found you, we took you at the D.E.O and Eliza did her best with Alex to…”

 

Her voice breaks.

 

“They did her best to bring you back to life…and when your heart stopped beating….I was there…I saw you die, and I did not wanted them to say your time of death. Eliza hold me strongly, she tried to…talked and a doctor said it “Time of death 4.17am”, I can still hear his voice. They left the room and it was just us…and I felt it…I felt the energy in me went away. I felt life get out from me...and then…and then nothing. I lost the child. I lost our child. I am so sorry…I lost our child.”  

                  Kara is looking at her. She does not know what to say. She wraps her arm around Lena hips.

 

“I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.”

 

                  And Lena let herself cry. Cry in Kara’s arms after of this months of pain. She cries, she does not say a word, she just cries. And Kara does not cry, she holds her wife looking a random point in the room. She feels empty, empty and full of nothing. Her could have been so perfect So perfect a Little Super with Lena’s eyes se she could have fall in love with their child everyday.

 

“I love you.”, she whispers in Lena’s ear.

 

“I am so sorry.”

“No. I should have been there. I should have go back home that that and had dinner with you and be a big cliché with you.”

 

 

                  They stay like this a moment before Lena finally falls asleep, too tired and to sad. Kara is not tired. She waited for Lena to be asleep to get out from home. She is angry like she probably never been. She is angry and mad at herself. She does not cry. She put the covers on Lena and kisses her forehead.

 

“I am sorry Leelee’.”

 

And she flies away. She flies without think she screams in the clouds. She’s in rage. She screams and screams and screams. She needs to hit something, she need to let the rage away. She is mad at herself. She should have never die. She feels like she let everyone down.

She could have make a family with Lena. It never happened. And she hates herself for that. She hates Lex and she hates herself.

She lands in the woods in National City park. And she cries now. She is on her kneels and she cries. And she felt it, she felt the same anger that Lena felt that night. And she screams, it was a loud noise who resonates in the sky.

She strikes a tree and its feel on the floor, then another and she carries on the scream. It resonates more and more in the sky. The zone around her trembles. And she strikes again.

It starts to rain, like she can control the sky.

 

 

Meanwhile in the penthouse Lena wakes up in an empty bed, she sees the open balcony and sees the rains falling hard outside.

 

Kara strikes another tree so hard, with a so painful scream that lightnings appear in the sky. So much lightnings, the sky seems so bright for an instant.

It was a heavy noise, a thud. The sky is a mess, orchestrated by her screams.

 

Lena gets up from their bed and walks to the balcony. She looks around her and see the bight light in the distance.

The thunder growls strong. And Lena knows that it’s Kara.

  

* * *

 

 

She goes back home after that, she flies to their home and goes to bed right away. Lena is not asleep, she turns herself to face Kara. She was crying. And in a perfect synchronisation, she throws herself in Kara’s arms.

 

“I love you Delilah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and following this story since the beginning, thank you, thank you, thank, thank you.  
> The feedback is always so cool to read and puts a smile on my face overtime !  
> THANKS, :).


	21. NOT A CHAPTER.

Hi guys, 

I am sorry I took too many time to write to you. A lot of things happened in my personal life.   
And I am sorry for not had update sooner...but I don't forget this story, I'll finish it, I like this one way way way WAY too much ! 

I will update as soon as possible, I don't forget you, thank for still sending kudos and writing comments !

See you all very soon, 

Have a nice day/night wherever you are on Earth !

El Mayara, :).


	22. Not a chapter (bis) but ...! It’s on the way.

Hi guys ! I just want to let you know that FINALLY ! A new chapter is on the way ! I am back and I can’t wait to publish again. I would like to apologize because this third year of university is taking allll of my time ! But I still continue to weitz in my head and I’ve finally organized my ideas. I hope to publish in the next few days, maybe this Sunday (French hour) in the best of the best case !   
I hope that everyone is doing okay !   
I wish you a wonderful night or day wherever you’re living on planet Earth !   
Thanks to still leave kudos and comment, it’s so cool !   
El Mayarah, :).


	23. Chapter 21.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Kara learnt bad and sad things and became very mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys !
> 
> Here it is ! The 21th chapter !
> 
> Again....I am sorry for the absence. But I don't forget this story, I love it too much ! :). 
> 
> Thanks for your patience. It means a lot ! 
> 
> Tell me what you think of this one, it' s a short one but I really wanted to post something and I will make a bigger one next time, :). 
> 
> Thanks again, you're the best ! :). 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos while I wasn't post !

Lena felt asleep right away. But Kara did not. Yet she tried, she tried so hard, but it was like a kryptonite hammer glow in the face. It was more painful that the 7 green bullets. It was impossible. What Lena confessed to her last night was like impossible to handle.   
She carefully get out from their bed, put correctly the cover on Lena and kiss her on her forehead. She takes her sweater and goes straight to Lena’s desk. 

 

Password.

\- Easy, she whispers herself in a little laugh. 

 

“JohnMayerismyBeyonce”

And she starts to look for very specifics pieces of information. What she learnt earlier was not acceptable. She is looking for a special file, she knows that Lena keeps everything in her personals archives on her personal laptop. She wants to read everything about Lex’s trial. She wants to know everything. She is so angry and mad at the same time. But she does not find anything. And she can wake Lena up to ask. Then she feels something soft on her foot.

\- Krypto ? What are you doing here ? Why are not you sleeping with Mommy Lee’ ? 

He barks with his leash in his mouth. 

\- Shuuuuut ! She is asleep, we can’t go in the park right now. 

She found a cereals bar in her pocket and gives him. Then she gets back on her research. Still nothing about Lex. She is looking around. There is a secret button on Lena’s desk. She pushes it and a Renaissance painting mechanically shifts to the left of the wall in front of her. 

\- There you are. 

She walks to the safe behind the painting but once again she needs a password. 

\- If if the same, it should be…

She does not say it, she just writes. 

“Krypto”. 

A blue light appears and she heards the “click”. A big door opens to another. 

\- Oh come on Lena !   
“Hello Mrs Luthor-Zor-El. Password required”, blinks on the screen. 

She tried everything she could, and everything Lena Is using as passwords.. 

“Kara”, “Supergirl”, “Superfriend”, “Beyonce”, “Bossasbitch”. Nothing was effective. Then, it flashes in her mind and she writes. 

“Revenge”. 

And the second doors open. 

There is a box next to a pile of files. But she is more interested in the strange box than in what she was looking for. 

She takes it and sits behind the desk, her back against the drawers. She opens it and let fall herself on the floor, on her knees.   
Then she pulls herself and go back to the box. She found the suit she wore the night she die.   
The blood was still there. Next to the suit, there is a little tinny fancy box, Kara opens it and found a lock of hair, with the note she left on her pillow. 

“I had to do it. For you.  
I love you. I am sorry.  
Kara.”

But there was something else. It was an ultrasound picture with a very little white point. She reads the pic “Lena Danvers-Luthor, first semester”. 

\- Oh my...Rao. 

She passes her fingers on the picture crying. 

\- My baby…our little tinny bean. 

She looks at the window, the sun is rising. 

\- How can the sun continue to shine ?, she whispers crying. 

 

She puts the suit back in the box, with the little one, the picture in her pocket, tries to dry her tears and finally takes the files with her. 

All she wants to know is where Lex is incarcerated. She is obsessed with that and nobody wants to tell her. So Kara has to figure it out on her own.   
Then she found it, the report of the last hearing, where the judge pronounced Lex’s sentence. 

 

“Mr Lex Luthor was convicted guilty of the 27 counts, of which the 8 most serious will be punished with the maximum penalty.   
\- Murder of Kara Luthor-Danvers.  
\- Murders with premeditation.   
\- Attempts of murders.   
\- Mass destruction of state ownership.   
\- Illegal possession of chemical weapons  
\- Illegal possession of nuclear weapons  
\- Conspiracy against the United States of America.   
\- Escape.”

“…the convicted offender Lex Luthor will serve his 7 life sentences in Metropolis Maximum Security Prison without a possible remission. He will serve his time in solitary confinement.”

Kara put the paper in her pocket too and carries on in the files. She found another pic, a pic of Lex in a black suit at the trial. He is talking to Lena while the police officers try to calm him. Lena is looking at him straight in the eyes. She recognizes her lawyer, Madeline Sloane. She is one of Lena’s closest friends. She wonders who took the pic ? It’s a scary one. She never saw Lena looking someone this way. Lex seems so mad. It’s disturbing. 

She cleans everything. But when she puts the files back in their places she notices a big envelope. It looks like the one in hospital. She takes and opens it.   
And it’s like a shock. It’s Lena’s medical files. Every time she went to the emergency, 4 times the past fifteen months. Then she reads the reports. Every admission to the hospital were for a suicide attempt. The first was few weeks after her funerals, with alcohol and sleeping pills, the second was by scarification, the third, she tried to hang herself and the last was once again alcohol and sleeping pills.   
And she feels it. The same feel Lena felt nineteen months ago. 

 

She quickly goes to her dressing room, she takes a black suit, open the window and flies away. She’s never been like that, this angry. There is nothing she can think except hate. Nothing except revenge.   
She screams one again and so as yesterday, a thunder cut the sky in two. A quick flash of black appears in the sky and disappears like its arrived.

She lands in Metropolis, on the parking of Lex’s jail. It’s seven in the morning. She closes her eyes and she hears it. She can hear Lex’s heartbeat. He is asleep.   
And she walks. She walks straight in front of her. Calm as the sea before the storm. Calm and cold like Lena at the court. She passes the first door and continues to walk. 

\- M’am you can’t ! 

But she does not care. She walks. 

 

Then one of the guard takes his phone. 

“Blue alert ! Stranger in the building ! B alert ! Stranger in the building ! “

Three men jump on her, but she gently pushes them away. 

\- PUT YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR ! 

But she doesn’t listen. 

\- I’ll repeat one last time miss, put your arms in the air. 

And she carries on to walk. 

 

Then she hears a “click”. It one of the guards charging his gun. And he shoots. She quickly turns around and catch the bullet. 

\- Oh my….who are you…?  
\- WHERE IS HE ? 

He shoots a second time. And she catches the bullet again. 

\- Where is he ? 

And the police officier finally understood. It’s Supergirl. 

\- Supergirl ?   
\- WHERE IS HE ? 

The men let his gun fell on the floor, almost scared. She starting to walk in their direction, throwing everything down on her way.   
Then the alarm starts to ring very hard. 

\- WHERE IS HE ? 

Every window is now broken.   
But they don’t answer. So she turns around and walks again.   
She destroys the first metal door with just one finger and every camera she sees. And a second door. She burns the third one. She is now following his heartbeat. He is not asleep anymore. He is drinking something. 

On the first floor, the guards team called the police and now they’re on their way. 

She is now close to his heartbeat, she almost feels it in her bones. 

\- MISS PUT YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR ! 

She turns to them, she is watching around and stop her gaze to them. And they shoot, it doesn’t bother her. It does not bother her at all, she just past her way. And the alarm is more and more loud. She climbs the last steps to the fourth building. The maximal security floor. Lex is here. She knows it, she feels it. That’s all. She doesn’t even feel her own body, she does not even feel all the bullet the guards are shooting in her back, screaming orders. She just feels his heart. She just feels his life.   
Kare squeezes her teeth. If she had been human, her jaw would probably have broken. 

Then Lex’s heartbeat is there. It’s close. So much close. She knocks with the side of her fist on the wall to her left. And it produces a loud noise. And cement stones fall on the ground behind her.   
She walks in the last corridor to the biggest door of the zone. 2 men are watching the door with heavy weapons. They load their gun and point them on Kara. And she whispers coldly. 

“Put this on the floor and get out.” 

But before they could even shot she put them away. 

Kara is now in front of Lex’s door. A human can’t obviously open it by himself or herself. She marks a break and thinks about what she found in Lena’s safe. The baby. The four suicide attempts and everything she lost. The eighteen months she spent away from Lena and her family.   
And in a rush of rage and screams, she literally ripped the door off Lex’s cell and threw it further down the hall. 

He was there, sit at his table having breakfast. She doesn’t look at him, she just walks fast and when she arrives at him She reaches to him, grabs him by his neck, walks a few more steps and slams Lex against the wall. He can't realize what's going on. His feet don’t touch the ground anymore. He grabs her wrist, trying to wrestle with Kara’s grip. He is trying to look her in the eyes. 

\- Kara Danvers. 

She doesn’t answer. 

\- How is that even possible ?


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Kara is losing control and where an unimaginable fight is about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone ! 
> 
> Thanks to everybody for the warm and kind, nice comments about Chapter 21. It melted my heart so much !   
> It's good to be back and it's good to see that you guys are still reading this story.   
> This chapter is a bit dark and the next will be too but don't worry. 
> 
> I hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas night and will have an amazing New Year Eve with your friends and loved ones !. I wish you a very very VERY Happy New Year. I wish you to achieve everything you want, read all the books you wanna read and most of all, be happy !   
> Thanks you guys you are the best. 
> 
> PS : sorry for the English mistakes and grammar, etc. English is not my first language.
> 
> SévadeValois. 
> 
> Song link : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1d5c1fVxSA
> 
> Find me on Tumblr : sevaisfiftyshadesoffuckedup.tumblr.com.

“I am not Kara Danvers, I am your worst nightmare”. 

 

She is looking at him in the eyes. He can’t stop himself to smile. 

“The last time I saw you, you were fucking dead !”

“You should have made a better Kryptonite !”., she answers her face so close to his. 

Meanwhile, the security and the guards of the prison called some reinforcements. The alarms howl in the speakers, it’s almost unbearable with the vivid flash of red lights almost everywhere. One by one, Kara can hear the imposing steel doors falling heavily on the floor of the prison. Everything is now locked, nobody can get out.   
On the threshold of Lex’s cell, an agent is filming Kara holding Lex in the air.   
She turns her head and burns the mobile phone with her X-Ray vision. 

“Enough with filming. You and everybody else have done enough.” 

Then, she sees some soldiers, with better weapons, better shields, helmets and equipment. They don’t move. Maybe they’re waiting for orders maybe they’re just observing what will happen. 

“Who are you and what do you want ?”  
She turns her head to them. 

 

“You already know who I am. And you already know what I want.”. 

Deep inside them they know that it is not a joke. They know that she is Supergirl. They know that she wants her revenge. That she wants Lex Luthor. And most of all, they know that they can’t fight her. 

 

“M’am you can’t do that. You have to calm down.”

She turns her head again, fire red eyes and she says : 

“Or what ?”

They don’t say anything and she turns back to Lex. Kara puts her eyes back to normal and turns again her head to the side. 

“How did you do ?”  
“Do what ?”, he answers trying to escape her.  
“ Wanted to destroy and kill your own blood.”  
“She is not my blood.”

He smiles and she presses his neck harder. 

“What happened to you ?”  
“You ! You and all of your kind happened to me !”, he shouts against her, sputtering. 

 

***

The police officers at the door, or what was Lex’s door cell, operate in silence. 

“Sir. The army is coming.”  
“Why did you called the Army. We can handle this. All we have to do is calm her down.”  
“She is The fucking Girl of Steel. We can’t just calm her down !”

He doesn’t answer. 

“They’re on the way. Ten minutes.”

*

“You ! You and all of your kind happened to me !”, he shouted against her, sputtering. 

She doesn’t answer. 

“You and your stupid cousin should have stayed on your fucking planet and not mind of the Earth’s businesses.”.

“You think that you’re better than us. Just because you can fly, just because you come from another world. But guess what ? Humans do not give a fucking shit. You’re just Barbie dolls to them.”

She punches him in the face. His nose is bleeding. 

“See ? Once you don’t have what you want, you stupid aliens become mad. You can’t handle frustration. You can’t handle not be under the spotlights. You just want fame.”

Another punch. 

 

On the outside, some videos are already online. Videos of Kara destroying everything on her way to Lex’s cell. 

“Yes ? Alex ? Why are you calling so early ?”  
“Where are you ?”  
“In my bed asleep.”  
“Where is Kara ?”  
“Well, she’s sleeping next to m...Oh my… Alex, she isn’t there.”, she says panicking. 

Silence. 

 

“Lena. Put your TV on the Metropolis news chanel…but please, please, stay calm.”.   
“Alex…what are you tell…oh my God.”. 

 

Lena is now watching the news, the phone fell on the wooden floor of their bedroom.   
She puts her hand on her mouth. 

 

“THE GIRL OF STEEL IS BACK ALIVE IN METROPOLIS PRISON : WILL HER MURDER LEX LUTHOR WILL DIE TODAY ?”

 

People are mad in her screen. She switches to the National City news channel. 

 

“KARA DANVERS / SUPERGIRL IS ALIVE !”

And to the general news channel. 

“FLASHNEW : THE GIRL OF STEEL IS ALIVE AND SHE ENTERED IN METROPOLIS PRISON.”

“Earlier this morning, Metropolis Prison was attacked by what it looked like the Girl of Steel. Yes, a tall and blond girl just entered in the prison and destroyed everything…”, says a journalist on TV.

 

“Lee ? Lee ? Lee are you hear me ? Are you still there ?”, says Alex on the phone fell on the floor. 

Lena shakes her head and takes back her phone. 

“Lena ? Lena ? Did you know where she was going ? Did she said anything? Lena did you know ?”  
“STOP SCREAMING ! I don’t know anything. I don’t know !”  
“We’re coming to pick you up with the D.E.O asap ! We’re going to Metropolis. The Army is about to arrive, Clark and J’onn are on the way…we can’t let this happ…”

Knock, knock, knock. 

Lena turns her head. Diana and Barry are at the balcony. 

“Hold on.”

She opens the door. 

“Leelee, get dress we have to go !”

Lena takes a sweatpant and her Bombardier jacket. She takes her phone. Krypto is barking because he does not know what is happening. 

“Leelee, your shoes.”, says calmy Barry.

Lena stops to walk. She’s stay standing. Looking at the white wall in front of her. She is barefoot with her Bombardier coat, her phone and her dog barking at her feet. She is crying. 

“Leelee…we’re going to fix this.”  
“Yes. As long as we are together, we can fix it. We can fix her.”

She does not answer. She dries her tear, put her black Yeezy and they’re on their way to Metropolis. Diana jumped in the D.E.O helicopter and Barry is holding Lena, running like The Flash he is to Metropolis. 

When they arrive, the area is locked. They pass the security post as D.E.O agents. 

An army colonel is talking to the agents inside. 

“I am Agent Danvers. We’re taking care of this now.”  
“You’re taking care of nothing. I am in charge. I don’t even know what is your agency. The situation is perfectly under control.”  
“Nothing is under control. We’re talking about The Girl of Steel and you don’t know nothing about Supergirl.”  
“I am a soldier. And this situation is a situation of war. Somebody came inside a federal property. It’s illegal. People are in danger, some of them are hurt. This person is a criminal whoever she is and I am here to stop this person with the help of everything we could have need.”

Then J’onn gives him the paper saying that this is an emergency situation, signed by the president and he says : 

“We’re taking care of this now, Colonel.”

He put his finger in the air and the D.E.O agents get out from the trunks to take their position around the prison.

 

*

“Can you hear that Supergirl? They’re coming for you.”

 

Then a dozen of agents enters in the cell trying to stop Kara. She let Lex fall on the floor.   
And she fights them. One by one. She hits them in rage, with her feet, with her fist. They all fall on the floor. Nothing can stop her. Then another dozen, and it’s the same scenario. After that, she takes the steel door and with her X-Ray vision, she merges the steel of the door with the walls of the cell, so that no one else can enter. It’s just him and Kara. 

Then she walks to Lex and put him by the neck and makes him sit on the chair. Kara takes something out of her pocket. This is the photo of the only ultrasound that Lena made. We can see the first forms of their baby. Kara put this pic on the table and then grabs Lex again by his neck and violently bangs his head against the metal table. His eyes are on the pic. 

“First you take this life.”, she screams. 

She grabs his neck again and put back her hand in her pocket to put Lena’s hospital papers next to the ultrasound photo. 

“Then you tried to take this life…fourth fucking time.”

And she bangs his head again. He is now bleeding from his two nostrils, his lips and he lost a teeth.   
She lets him go and screams : 

“READ IT.”  
“I won’t.”  
“I SAID “READ IT” !”. , she continues banging his head again and again on the metal table.

***

Outside, Alex, J’onn, Clark, Lena and everyone are watching what is happening in the prison. Lena has her eyes big open, she does not say a word. She is crying silently. She did not saw her brother since the court. Soon, she knows that a part of what happened to her will be known by her family. 

“HENSHAW ! You won’t stop her with your little gadgets !”  
“Nothing can stop her.”  
“Kryptonite !”

Lena turns around. 

“ARE YOU MAD? Don’t you dare say this again.”, she says to the colonel.   
“And who are you, little lady ?”  
“I am Lena Luthor.”  
“You’re a civilian. You can’t stay there.” 

“She is here following the orders of The President.”

“Enough is enough”, says Diana. “I’ve seen the anger in Men’s eyes too much time. You said you saw war so you know what I am talking about. I won’t let anger invade the eyes of the Men of Today. I won’t let Men fight each other”

She jumps on the roof of the prison. 

“SHOOT”, screams the colonel on his phone. 

It just takes Diana to put her arms in front of her to stop the bullets. 

“She is Wonder fucking Woman, who you think you are going to stop ? Ugh ? ”, shouts Winn at the colonel.   
“And who are you Little Man ?”  
“I am the one who is going to shut down all your computers systems”, says Winn tapping on his tablet. “And this moment is now. We are taking control.”

He is right. Every electronic machine is now broken because Winn hacked them to let the D.E.O takes the control. 

“This will cost you the martial court Hanshaw.”  
“I am following the orders of our president and shooting at Wonder Woman will cost you the martial court.”

And the colonel goes back to his truck. 

 

***

Diana is in front of Lex’s cell. She can hear Kara screaming. She closes her eyes and repeats in her head an Amazonian prayer. The one that her mother, The Queen, told her. The One that her Amazonians sisters, the Amazonians fighters repeat before a battle.   
She is about to have maybe what it will be the fight of her life, with Kara. One of her best friends. And she knows deep in her heart that this is going to be the most dangerous, the most painful and the most unwanted and uncertain fight she will do. Because she going to fight Supergirl and a Wonder and a Super fighting is not something good.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where The Wonder and The Super have a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> I hope you'll like this chapter ! This is the first part. 
> 
> Here's a link to the song at the end, Soko - "We might be dead by tomorrow".
> 
>  
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEAPZBRkwho
> 
> Thanks again for the kudos and the comments. They make me and my heart smile so much ! 
> 
> Have a good night or day wherever you're living on Earth !
> 
> Enjoy !
> 
> Séva, :). 
> 
> Once again, sorry for my English, it's not my first language.

** Chapter 22.  **

 

“Diana ?”

 

Lena is looking around her. But Diana is not there.

 

“Where is Diana ?”

 

Then they heard a big “BOOM”.

 

“Kara…”, whispers Lena. 

  

“We can’t let Diana alone in there. Kara became mad and thing can turn very very bad. We can’t see anything. I am gonna go in and try to watch, you guys will be connect with what I see. Winn you take care of this. Barry, I wanna you to hide every weapon you can find here, those of the Police, the Army, the FBI, they can’t shoot. Use your speed to surprise them. Diana isn’t bulletproof. And Lex can’t die. Kara is not a murderer. We can’t take risks, for both of them.”

 

“Consider it done J’onn.”

“I take care of this, everything that I need is in my truck”.

 

“Maggie, Alex, Lena, you stay here with Winn”.

“I will watch the sky and the roads around to prevent every journalist that will try to come.”

“Very good idea Clark.”

 

            But he is already away.

 

            “Lee’, Honey, I know that this is hard. But we will make her come back to us. To you. We’ll make everything we can.”, J’onn says her eyes full of hope to Lena.

 

She does not answer. She just walks away looking at the prison and the big hole Kara made when she entered. Then J’onn flies on the roof.

 

“Our screens are connected ! J’onn are you hear me ?”

“Yes, Winn. All clear.”

“This is incredible. We can see what you seeing.”

“Yes !”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Inside the prison, the red lights are still on so as the alarm. Diana is trying to break the iron, lead and steel wall. She knows that the fight is going to be hard. Kara is technically the stronger person on Earth and Diana can break the fused steels. It’s too much thick.

 

Kara grabs Lex by the neck. His nose is bleeding and he can’t open his right eye. She sits him down. It’s violent. But she controls her strength to not kill him. At least, he has to answer her questions first.

Kara takes out papers from her pocket.

 

“Read.”

“What ?”

“I SAID READ.”, she repeats by hitting her fist on the table. There is a hole now.

“If you came to cry because you were dead for 19 months. I don’t give a fuck Blondie. You and all of your fucking superfriends had what you deserved. You can kill me. I don’t care.”

“DO YOU THINK THAT I AM NOT CAPABLE ?”, she says grabbing his head and hitting it on the table.

 

Lex is screaming.

 

“Now, read.”, she says, still holding his neck and sticking his face on the papers.

“Tell me what it is.”

 

He raises his head.

 

“It’s…it’s some medical files.”

“To who ?”

 

He does not answer.

 

“TO WHO !”

“It's written…”Lena Danvers-Luthor.”

“Read.”

 

“The 911 has been called at 3:57am on November 17th 2021\. Ms. Lena Danvers-Luthor has been found almost dead in her L-Corp Quarter of New York City. The patient dru… Oh come on ! Then what ? Ugh ? What are you trying to prove Kara Zor-El ?”

 

She hits him once again. This time she can’t stop herself until she heard Diana calling her.

 

“KARA ! KARA IT’S DIANA ! PLEASE LET ME GO INSIDE WITH YOU ! WE CAN FIX THIS !”

“NO WE CAN’T ! YOU CAN’T GO IN THERE. I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT YOU.”

“BUT KARA…WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? WE CAN TALK ! FLY US SOMEWHERE !”

“THIS BASTARD STOLE MY LIFE. HE STOLE MY TIME. HE STOLE LENA’S LIFE. HE HAS TO PAY ! I ALREADY LOST MY WORLD I CAN’T LOST ANOTHER WORLD !”

 

 

Everyone can see and heard what they saying. J’onn is hiding next to Lex’s cell and his superpowers allow him to broadcast this to Winn’s computers. He can see through to walls.

As soon as Lena heard Kara’s voice she run to the screen to watch what is happening. She is crying.

 

“Kara…”

 

 

Diana keeps trying to convince Kara to go back to us. But Kara does not care.

 

“Now, Luthor, you’re gonna keep reading.”

 

He doesn’t negotiate.

 

“The patient has been found unconscious by her assistant on her office couch who called 911. She drunk a lot of strong alcohol and she took a full box of sleeping pills. After a serious discussion with her doctor, we conclude to a suicide attempt. ”

 

Lena is watching. She does not say anything.

 

“Ms. Danvers-Luthor had to have a stomach lavage. We have to keep her in observations for 24 hours. She refuses to talk to a specialist.”

 

“The other.”

 

Lex is reading then he says.

 

“It’s another file about a suicide attempt.”

“What does it says ?”, Kara asks authoritarian.

            “She tried to kill herself.”

            “How.”

            “By hanging.”

 

 

            Everyone stop breathing. J’onn, his eyes full of tears, Winn who stops to write on his laptop, Barry who stops running, Diana who stops trying to enter in the cell, Clark who stops his fly in the sky and Maggie and Alex…who just can’t stop looking at Lena.

 

 

            The tears flow on her cheeks, her eyes can not leaving the screen. Nobody knows this. Nobody except Jess.

 

 

            “Another.” Ordered Kara.

            “Another suicide attempt.”

            “What did she do.”

            “She cut her wrist.”

            “AND HOW MUCH OF BLOOD HAS SHE LOST ?”

            “Enough for a transfusion.”

            “YOU ALMOST KILLED HER ! AND GUESS WHAT THE FOURTH ATTEMPT WAS A DRUNK-SLEEPING PILLS MIX TOO ! YOU TRIED TO KILLED HER FOUR TIMES ! And all you did was nothing at all. You just stayed here, in your little cell happy with what you did.”

           

            Kara tries to keep her tears in her eyes. He had to know. He had to know what he did to his own sister. He had to know that she did that because of him. That it was all because of him.

 

            Behind the wall, Diana almost broke the steel wall. Her fists are hurting her but she has to do it. She has to stop Kara to make an irreparable mistake. Kara never killed. She can’t start now. She is a part of the good team. People love her. Children count on her to inspire them. Little Human girls want to be like her. She can’t do that. She is not a bad person. She doesn’t kill cold blood. She does not kill at all.

 

            Inside the cell, Kara lost control. There is one last thing Lex has to see. The last thing who makes want Kara to kill him. Kill him with her bare hand, breaking his neck or hit him until the end.

            She put her hand in her pocket and passes he fingers on the ultrasound pic. She closes her eyes and the tears are there. She can’t keep them much longer.

Lex is bleeding almost waiting for what is gonna happen and all the super friends are watching the screen. Outside the cell, Lex and Kara can hear Diana almost done with the wall.

 

“Lena…Lena…what is she doing ? What is she about to show to him ?”

 

She does not answer. She can’t.

 

“KARA ! KARA ! YOU HAVE TO STOP ! YOU HAVE TO COME BACK TO US !”

 

Supergirl is deep breathing.

 

“There is one more thing you did that night.”

 

Lex can’t talk anymore. And Kara is too calm that it’s terrifying. She walks to him but he is not terrified. She puts the picture on the rest of the medical files.

 

 

“You killed my baby, Lex. You killed my kid and you have to…”

 

But then Diana finally broke the steel walls. She jumps to catch Kara and both of them smash into the wall. Once they fall, there is a big hole.

 

“Kara. You have to stop.”

“You can’t tell me what to do.”

 

 

Outside, everyone is silent. Everyone watch them fight.

 

 

“Kara, this isn’t you. You lost control. Come back, it’s me. I am your friend. It’s Diana.”

“I am perfectly okay. I perfectly know what I am doing. And nobody is gonna stop me.”, Kara says trying to smash Diana is the face.

 

 

They fight. And they fight hard. Very hard. If superheroes did not exist in this world, this scene could have been in a movie. But this is not a movie. Superheroes exist. And they have feeling. They feel pain like Humans. They feel love. They feel injustice. They feel everything that can make them feel safe or happy, or loved. As much as the hard feeling. The pain. The anger. The injustice. The Revenge.

Both Kara and Diana were born in another world. From another culture and History. But every Humans kinds, Aliens and Amazons, Kryptonian and Greco-Roman. Both of them can feel anything. Both of them, even with their unique metabolism, can feel the pain. That is what makes them feel like Humans sometime.

 

Every punch of feet or fist, that Diana sends to Kara, she feels them deep inside her. Because she doesn’t fight an enemy. She is fighting one of her best friends. A little sister. And it hurts. It hurts and it’s unbearable.

 

* * *

 

“We have to do something.”, says Barry.

“No.”, says Lena.

J’onn was about to say something but he wants to respect what Lena just said.

Diana is starting to be tired and weak. The adrenaline in Kara’s body is too strong, so as Kara. Diana knows that even if she is a God, Zeus and Queen Hippolyta’s daughter, she knows that she can’t win. She can’t win. Kara is too strong.

 

Every time she hits her, she feels the pain more and more and she know that she won’t handle it much longer.

 

“You have to understand Diana. You have to understand why I came here.”

“I understand. He hurt you. He hurt Lena. But you’re not the bad guy here. He is.”

“But I can’t let him have a life when he stole us ours.”

 

They’re still fighting.

 

“He destroyed my entire family even before it became concrete.”

“I know, Kara.”

“He killed my child.”

“I know that too.”

“SO WHY ! WHY WOULD HAVE LET HIM ALIVE ? WHY ARE YOU THERE TO STOP ME ? AND NOT FIGHT BY MY SIDE !”

“Because Supergirl doesn’t kill. Supergirl saves the world. And my people weren't created to..do this.”

 

 

The area of Lex’s cell is a mess.

 

 

“Diana is weaker. She won’t handle it any much longer. We have to do something.”

“But what.”

 

 

Barry is looking at the ground and doesn’t say anything.

 

“No. No, no, no. NO !”

“Nana’”.

“NO KRYPTONITE WILL TOUCH HER EVER AGAIN !”

“What if Diana dies Nana”…”

“She won’t.”

“I suggested it because I love you, and I love her. And I wanna see my Earth family happy again. The surgery she had, it made her stronger and more tolerant to Kryptonite. All we have to do is stop her. Kara is not a killer. She is feeling an unimaginable pain and you know how much she loves you. Imagine how much you love her. Imagine if you can translate this love into a number. And now imagine if you, if you Lena, can translate this number into pain. That is the number she is feeling right now in her chest. That is how she is suffering right now.”

 

She doesn’t answer to Barry.

 

“And Diana is having a fight with one of the person she loves the most and we all know how much you love Diana too. And you know that she can’t win. She won’t win against Kara. Nobody can win against Kara. Imagine what is happening in Diana’s heart and head. She knows that she can’t win but she is fighting anyway.”

 

“Stop.”

 

Everyone is looking at her.

Lena is watching the screen now. Both Kara and Diana are suffering right now. It’s a fight that should have never happened. Never.

 

Winn is on his way to a secret box in the truck. He opens it. It’s a Kryptonite lamp. He closes his eyes. He can’t believe what is happening right know. All is can think right now is the good time everyone had before all this mess. Before Kara’s death. How happy they were. When he learnt that Kara was alive, he lost the heaviest weight a man had on his chest and let the happy tears made their way on his cheeks. And now, _boum!,_ he is holding Kryptonite in his hand to stop the sister he never had.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The fight seems like an eternity. Both of them are about to explode. Kara’s X ray eyes trying to fight Diana’s lapse. They know that it’s almost the end. They scream to take advantage. They give everything they have. Which make everyone watch the screen again. And that’s enough for Lena.

 

“I am going.”, she just says.

“No, you can’t.”

“Lee’ !”

“Luthor !”

  

But she doesn’t look back at them. She just walks to the prison. It’s just her. She just following the noises to Lex’s cell. She is perfectly aware that she is about to see him. And this time it’s on the news channel, on a newspaper, etc. Lena is about to see him with her own eyes and she wants to puke. It’s too much to handle. So she run, she run and run and run again to try to forget what is about to happen, what she is about to find behind the steels walls. And she cries and it burns her face.

 

            She run. Run and run and run trying to find her way in all this mess, she can hear every prisoner screaming as she run in front of their cells.

She can’t lose Kara once again. She can live what she lived all over again. She won’t survive it once more.

There is a sad melody running through her head, her memory and her heart. A Soko’s song she use to listen when she is sad – “We might be dead by tomorrow” – yes, she does that a lot listening sad songs when she is sad so she becomes sadder. It’s like she lives it again. When they buried her coffin case after everyone left she puke behind a tree not very far away from her car. And then she run. She run as far as she could leaving her shoes behind her. And she run. And run again.

And she sees her life passing in her head again. Just like when Kara’s coffin case went into the ground. The first time they met. The first date. The first kiss.

It was a very lovely kiss. Warm and soft. A summer night in National City. She still can feel Kara’s smell and the taste of the kiss.

Lena shakes her head but the memories won’t let her. She remembers their first night in their first and only Home. There was no furniture. There was a problem of routing. All they had was boxes of books, clothes, a coffee maker and a mattress. There was no electricity, just hot water. But oh she remembers how nice it was ; taking a bath with candles, sleeping on a mattress in front of the large windows of the gigantic living room watching the stars of National City’s sky.

She remembers their first fight.

She remembers all the worries when she let her Barry, her Diana and her Kara go on fights.

She remembers all the details of their life.

 

The more she is cries, the more it burns her cheeks.

 

 

“Kara. Kara please. Don’t do something stupid. I am coming. Please, wait for me.”, she thinks as she heard a thud. Passing the corner of the corridor she sees Diana literally flies so hard to the wall that her body and the speed of the shot formed a big hole.

 

 

_“Give me all your love_

_‘Cause for all we know_

_We might be dead by tomorrow_

_I can’t go on wasting my time_

_Adding scars to my heart_

_(…)_

_I don’t want to judge_

_What’s in your heart_

_(…)_

_So let’s love fully_

_And let’s love loud_

_Let’s love now_

_‘Cause soon enough we’ll die_

_‘Cause soon enough we’ll die”_

 


	26. Not a chapter but very soon.

Hi guys, 

I now it’s been a long time but you know….university, personnel stuffs, etc.   
The last semester just ended last Friday and it was very very very hard but eh ! I am still alive. We did it with my friends ! But…anyways….you already all know that I love this story way way way waaaay too much to give it up. I love this story with all my heart. 

So, I have a lot of comments saying that you wanna a new chapter so…guess what you all ? I am working on it. 

I will post very very soon. 

Love you all, and thanks with all my heart to still follow this story. 

Séva, :).


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